Where will I spend eternity?

Tags

being nice

Apparently this is now in question.  OK, maybe it’s been in question for some time but it’s officially recorded as of this week when I made the local paper, referenced by my full name and apparently ending with the question… “Where will you spend eternity?”  I’m feeling somewhat important… but mostly, I’m just confused.

Here’s my letter: http://www.echopress.com/opinion/letters/3917339-letter-paris-climate-agreement-not-enough

Here’s the response: http://www.echopress.com/opinion/letters/3929645-letter-where-will-you-spend-eternity  I’m not really sure how what I wrote is connected to what she wrote but apparently it has something to do with where I will spend eternity…  There’s a reference to me, personally, and my letters on climate change.  Then there is a bunch of stuff about how God flooded the Earth.  Then a question: “Where will you spend eternity?’

It gets even better with another letter in the same edition of the paper’s opinion letters: http://www.echopress.com/opinion/letters/3929617-letter-god-control-climate  I have to put some detail here:

“In the beginning, God created the universe and put the Earth perfect on its axis. Then came God’s judgment on the Earth with Noah’s flood that covered the whole Earth. After the flood, God had to do something with all the excess water so he tipped the Earth 23-1/2 degrees on its axis, causing the waters to rush to the poles, where he froze the water immediately into the glaciers.

What is happening now is that God the creator is slowly tipping the Earth back to its original position on its axis. Therefore, the Earth’s temperature is slowly changing and causing climate change around the Earth. The glaciers are slowly melting and some are breaking loose and starting to move around.

Because God is tipping the Earth back to its original position on its axis, it is causing earthquakes, floods, and weather changes around the world.”

I think he’s doing it with his big finger… or as we call it, “His Noodly Appendage”!

The grammar in these letters alone is enough to give one pause… but the premise and explanation is where the true belly laughs erupt.  I am AMAZED to learn that God tipped the Earth to allow all the water to go to the poles where it was instantly frozen into glaciers.  (I pondered aloud, “How would that work really?  Getting all the water on opposite sides of the globe at the same time??  My husband says, “He had to tweak it really fast!”)

If this is so, are we to take it that, since God is now “causing climate change around the Earth” ~ a situation where bunches of us are being killed, like literally millions of people ~ that He hates us?!? It would seem to me that killing many of us in mass floods, droughts, tsunamis, heat waves and other weather-related disasters would be a sign of disapproval. It’s not like, “Oops! Sorry about that tornado where a couple people died.  I was just playing around with this wind thing and it got a little out of control.”  No this is like, “See ya’!” with no time for response.  Looks like He especially disapproves of the people in D.C. right now.  It’s probably all those damn politicians!

But really, we all know that the true instigator in all things climate change is the lack of pirates.

As explained in an open letter to the Kansas School Board regarding the beliefs of The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, “there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.”  http://www.venganza.org/about/open-letter/

This letter is asking that, if we’re going to teach Intelligent Design, then how about also teaching the idea of Intelligent Design by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the author’s deity of choice.  Tongue in cheek, this has developed into a new religion for those who have a big sense of humor and perhaps also a sense of humility.  Pastafarians, as they are known, poke fun at those who, rather than respecting that others be allowed to practice their own ideas, instead want to force Christian beliefs to be taught as the only “truth”.

Reminds me of Howard Zinn’s People’s History of the United States.  During the European Invasion of Haiti (aka Columbus’ discovery of America), the white invaders (aka Missionaries) asked the Natives if they didn’t want to go to Heaven.  This was asked as they were literally killing the Natives for refusing to accept Jesus Christ as Savior.  BTW, I’m pretty sure this was not in line with what Jesus would have deemed A-OK.  Anyway, their response was basically “Not if that’s where you’re going to be.”  I’d tend to agree.

Photo credits:

bumper sticker: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiless/2627167258

global warming and pirates: http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2012/03/23/true-fact-the-lack-of-pirates-is-causing-global-warming/#2715e4857a0b6e180410a231

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Differences

Tags

being nice, communication, cooperation

This week has been a week of looking at Differences.  The topic has come up several times as the Inclusion Network and Alexandria Technical and Community College present Created Equal: America’s Civil Rights Struggle Film & Discussion Series.  The first part of Abolitionists (a PBS Documentary series) was presented Thursday at Grand Arbor.  The remaining events will be held from 6-9 PM at Grand Arbor (4403 Pioneer Road SE in Alexandria, MN) on January 20^th, 21^st, 25^th & 28^th.

The Same or Different?

Watching the scenes from Abolitionists was disturbing, taking me back to the 1980’s when, as a college student, one of my elective classes focused on the PBS series Eyes on the Prize which reviewed the Civil Rights Struggle from 1954-1965. I remember being shocked that people in my own country, in the not so distant past, were capable of such acts against humanity.  I was embarrassed by what I saw.  I felt appalled to be white.  What could justify such inhumane treatment of people, simply due to the color of their skin which showed their “difference”?  Cruel. Hateful. Unbelievable.  And I was PISSED OFF that I never learned of any of this growing up as a child.  Why was no one talking about these atrocities?  How had I not been aware?

As events unfold on the news these days, many are wondering again at the atrocious treatment of people of color.  Black women dying in police custody, black men being shot in cold blood as they walk away from an officer, and the list goes on. And sadly, though many of us won’t believe it, things have been this way all along.  It’s just now, in a day of readily available technology, and an internet on which to spread this information, that we are able to learn about that in which we are not directly involved.  And we wonder why people of color are still angry. Hmmm.

Our discussion during the film study Thursday concluded in large part that the issue is not skin color or sex or age, though we all voiced examples of how each of these can create situations of difference.  The real issue is power in those who believe they are superior.  And it often comes down to who has the ability to enforce his place of power.  Men have long been able to overpower most women ~ it’s a matter of size.  Immigrants are often at disadvantage due to poverty, language barriers and a lack of connections.  They are often overpowered by natives… though this country showed, that is not always the case.  Those with money, weapons, power and brute force can and often do take.  Take charge, take resources, take advantage, and even take innocence.  But it’s more than just power.  Whether power is used to take advantage or abuse is a result of character.  And often abuse of power is based in fear. The discussion shared at Grand Arbor this past week was rich with evaluation of power, difference, and character.  Even those characters historically seen as benevolent or beneficial did not get off without being held accountable!  It was quite thought provoking and I encourage those who can to join us at the next event the evening of Wednesday the 20^th.

As I spoke with friends about difference this week, so many stories arose.

Some shared about being the object of discrimination and comprehending how that feels to be the one hated for the color of your skin.  I remember being the only white student at a Society of Black Engineers meeting and comprehending the daunting feeling of being the sole person who was different on that easily observed trait of skin color.  I didn’t attend again… though I’m not sure now if it was not wanting to face that feeling or not wanting to feel like an invader.  I know how important it can be to have space where there is unity that feels safe.  I recall 12-step meetings being split into male and female, especially when new people would arrive for a first meeting.  There was controversy about this among the group but many, especially the women, felt it was important as we knew how hard it was to share openly, to be vulnerable, in a mixed sex group.  This was especially difficult if one had been the victim of rape or abuse by the opposite sex.  I imagine today this gets even more complicated as there is such a widening understanding of gender compared with where we were in the last century.

One friend noted a recent posting on FB about being non-racist or anti-racist: https://www.facebook.com/theguardian/videos/10153870551066323/?theater

After which I found this… also quite powerful: https://www.facebook.com/OccupyDemocrats/videos/1042823995810654/?theater

Some of my friends noted how even simple differences in how we interact with the world can create difficulty in relationships.  If one is more talkative and one more quiet, if one is more organized and one more cluttered, if one likes a disciplined approach to resolution and one prefers a chaotic and creative way, all these can make working together successfully more of a challenge.  Aren’t we all more comfortable with our own ways?  Am I the only one who likes being “right”?  I read recently in a new book Living Your Yoga: finding the spiritual in everyday life by Judith Hanson,

“How human of me to want to be right.  How human of you to resist being wrong.”

But I’ve learned that my “right” idea isn’t always the best idea and often, it is more interesting and enlightening to see all sides of an issue.  I’ve learned that our perspectives of the world are skewed by our experience, understanding and position.  And since each of us is an individual, our views of the world are all different, in many ways.  And that is what brings a lot of the joy and beauty to this world.  But, yes, much pain and conflict too.

Yet some shared about experiences of finding hope in situations where people with obvious and potentially overpowering differences were able to transcend them and find joy and brotherhood.  Instead of focusing on the differences, the focus was on the similarities.  Instead of seeing the difference in race or culture, it was acknowledged that everyone was present for a joyful meal and celebration.  When the focus was on the love and comradery, the differences fell aside becoming inconsequential.  What if we could all do this?  Look for the commonality and the shared purpose rather than the ways we worship a higher power or the clothes we wear or how we speak.  Aren’t we all flesh and blood?  All striving to find love and acceptance?  All wanting the best world for ourselves and our children?  All hoping to have enough?

And here is where the fear often arises.  What if I don’t have enough? So we hoard for our family… for our tribe.  We don’t share as much as we could.  What if I run out!?!  It takes me to thoughts of an old scripture (yeah, I had to look this up but I recall it from an epiphany had during my days as a Presbyterian):

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?   Matthew 6: 25-30

I’m not so sure about humans being “worth much more” than birds or flowers.  Let’s face it, there’s a high possibility that we will destroy this planet’s ability to support mammals in the next 150 years but the trees will likely happily thrive once we’re gone.  And my preference today is to the idea that the Universe provides all we need… too much negative experience with organized religion.  But God or Universe, Allah or Buddha, Magic, Mother Nature or Random Chance, I find that I am often in possession of all I need, in fact, usually much more than I need.  But that’s a topic for another day.

Though we may be important enough for the Universe to provide, sometimes we also need to realize how inconsequential we can be.  One friend this week shared that he had bullied a girl in grade school and carried guilt with him for years.  At a high school reunion decades later, he sought her out to apologize, only to find that she didn’t remember him!  How often have we carried our own baggage of this sort?  Thinking our actions were so impactful and important, only to find that no one else recalled that thing we said or did?  Many times I have been shocked, in hindsight, by something I did and I wondered how the other person would ever forgive me.  As with my friend above, there are many remembrances that I’ve carried in dread while the other person was oblivious to the concern.

Alternatively, we sometimes do not realize the power we have in the lives of others.  I am certain I have been oblivious in saying or doing something that, to the other, was abhorrent.  While I have no recollection of the event, for them it is a recurring nightmare.  On the other hand, I have also been unaware of times I did or said things, oblivious to their impact, only to have someone tell me years later how important I’d been in their lives.  And I think of the many people who have impacted my life by little things said or done.

So what is to be done?  Should we worry about all we say and do, hoping we have no ill effect?  Or is there something to be said for the idea that we should not worry what others think of us?

I believe there is a middle ground.  Though we may work to live without harming others, inevitably, there will be some who see what we do as harming.  So we can be aware and open to discussion when these things arise.  Rather than denying that we have hurt someone when we are accused, we can ask for more input.  If they are hurt, it likely has more to do with them than us, but our willingness to listen and walk through the situation, seeing it from many sides, may bring the other to a place of understanding which dispels his hurt and anger.

In opening up to review our differences in perspective, we can come to a better understanding of each other.  We can begin to see the world through the eyes of another and help them to see a new way as well.  Each of us can come to a new perspective, more fully informed.  As long as we meet in love, share in hope and listen with an ear for understanding.

Letting Go of Passion

Tags

letting go, Volunteering

For a long time I have been fascinated with what drives people’s passions.  What is it that motivates people to jump in and support an idea, get behind a project, take action for something?  How is passion born?

These are questions that I haven’t yet been able to answer.  But lately, I’ve been consistently confronted with situations that seem to be dousing my passion.  And I thought perhaps there is something to learn from this experience.

Since leaving the Rat Race, I’ve become involved in many activities and have enjoyed most of them.  But I’ve found myself in the process of letting go of several, in different ways.  I have volunteered for many things because I have passion about the cause but I have found my passion is waning and I’m trying to understand why.

I believe all of the situations involve unmet expectations of one degree or another.  And all of the situations involve aspects that are pretty much out of my span of control.  I have struggled tremendously with some and others have just slipped away, almost unnoticed.  But I realized this week that part of my struggle is in the process of grieving.  I am sadly letting go of passion in some regards.  And it is not pleasant to let go of things which you believe are important, things for which you feel some responsibility or at least some possibility of making better with your actions.  And part of my struggle is in learning where my part is in the mix and coming to peace with how to move forward.

In one case, I agreed to lead a group and felt that we had a good committee of people working for our cause.  I was excited.  We were representing a national organization and I was working with the national leaders to implement this program locally.  It was fun to feel a part of something so big!  But I learned that our local group was not a fully functioning committee.  While some of us were working together and communicating about our activities, making slow progress, we had a cowboy acting alone which resulted in quick ~ but not fully planned ~ progress. As there wasn’t good communication, I didn’t find out until things had progressed too significantly to be able to help remedy the situation.  I couldn’t be sure that the actions being taken were in line with the national agenda and I feared that I would be held accountable for this misrepresentation.  I felt like a failure and I was, though I don’t know if there is a way to be successful when a lone wolf is acting outside the agreed upon guidelines.

I understand the concept of acting alone.  I’ve often been the cowboy, making things happen single-handedly because I could.  But I’ve learned over the years that a group of people will usually come to better conclusions, do better work, and accomplish much more than one individual.  I also learned that my cowboy ways had actually pushed people away from acting with me as a group.  The group knew I would get it done, so they just let me.  I wasn’t showing them how they could be a part of making the group successful, instead I was showing them I didn’t need them.  No wonder they often left me to do it all. And it’s no wonder that the group eventually fell apart… as one person cannot carry a group ad infinitum.  It was a painful lesson but it was a valuable one.  It taught me that, even though it may be harder to allow the group to make slower progress, in the long run, it is better and more long lasting progress that results.  And perhaps the more important outcome is the creation of people who feel purpose, empowered by their ability to be a part of making something successful.

I tried for a few more weeks to hold onto the committee, hoping for change as all agreed to work together and communicate, but to no avail. Ultimately I found it was absurd to believe I could remain the “leader” and I had to let it go.  It was difficult to try to explain to the national member why I was withdrawing without giving a full rundown of the experience. I felt I was letting him down, letting down the cause.  Maybe this goes back to Bluebirds where I repeated weekly, “To Remember to Finish What I Begin”.

But I couldn’t bear to pretend to be in charge of a group where the members didn’t want a leader.  So I cried my tears and let it go.

A less painful letting go has happened almost without my knowing.  I had volunteered to help a local project and had been actively involved for some time.  But when the group came together this fall, there were changes.  We were not going to have the space we thought we would to provide our service, we were losing a main leader for the group, and we began the new season with non-functional equipment. The good news was that we had a part-time worker who was going to manage the day-to-day operations while the volunteers were to do the organizational work.  I believed in the work the group does so I kept showing up, doing the mostly unsuccessful work and struggling with the computer which was unable to provide access to the programs and printers needed to do the work.  Each time I volunteered, I ran into problems but would do as much as I could with the tools and time I had.  My heart was in it but felt unable to accomplish much and each time felt less and less passion about the task so I went less frequently until I found, I hadn’t gone at all in a week.  And then we had a break where the building was inaccessible over the holidays and… I just haven’t been back.

It’s been an easier letting go as I have been so busy with other work and I know the cause is carried on by the part-time worker. The work I was providing was mainly labeling and organizing materials but the materials remain available even without my work; they just may not be optimally labelled. So what am I to learn?  Maybe it’s time to walk away from this task.  Maybe I am being guided to new work.  It still bothers me to feel like I’m not doing what I committed to do…  Maybe in a week or two I will find that I wander back and see if the tools are available to continue the work productively.  I do so like things to be organized and labelled and as perfect as they can be!  Maybe I need to really embrace my warrior nature to conquer and quell technology and make it work for me!  Or maybe it is time for this work to no longer be a part of my life. Since I am not in charge of fixing the technology, can’t even talk with those who are, perhaps I will leave this battle for another warrior.

Maybe it’s the engineer in me but I often look at things and wonder how they can be improved.  How can things work better?  Be made more efficient?  More effective?  I’ve often thought my perfect job would be to consult with companies, watching what they do and how they do it, and then offering suggestions for improvement.  This was part of my work throughout most of my career; looking at processes and trying to find improvements.  And I was quite successful in bringing together groups of people, even those from opposite sides of a problem, in finding solutions that worked for everyone.  It was quite fulfilling work.  And the people around me liked seeing the improvements that made their work easier or more efficient or, at the very least, more clearly understood.

I have passion about everyday things but it seems of late I am often unable to make strides.  Sometimes it is other people being unwilling to hear my ideas, sometimes it is my approach being too aggressive, sometimes it is feeling outside the group in charge and unable to find a way to approach.  But even when I can’t make progress, it doesn’t mean I have less desire… at least initially.  I am finding that when I continue to hit a brick wall, my passion does begin to wane.  Or maybe it’s just my optimism being tempered by realism.  I was always told this was a problem… being too optimistic.  I’ve always felt it was my nature and it does seem to come first, optimism.  But the hammer of reality is definitely powerful.

Perhaps it is time to realize that I don’t need to try to offer suggestions for improvement.  Perhaps it’s a time to just sit back and watch, to remain uninvolved, simply observing.  Maybe it’s time for me to learn by this method rather than working for change.  Maybe change isn’t needed!  Maybe things are fine without my input.  In other words, maybe the needed change is for me to get out of the way and quit trying to make improvements!  Maybe I don’t have the best answers and it’s time to just quietly observe as others manage the process.  Maybe I don’t have to fix every little thing I see pop up as apparently in need of fixing.  Maybe it’s time to leave tasks to the ones assigned and not try so hard to do things for others.  It will definitely be a struggle as I do like to take care of business.  And I do so enjoy helping people when they come to me.  But I’m realizing maybe it’s not always my place, not always my responsibility.  Perhaps I need to let others take care of things.  It’s possible I don’t have to have all the answers!  Maybe it’s simply time to be more quiet.

All these thoughts run through my head as I decide what direction to move forward.  I am sure that change is coming as it is an everyday part of life.  I am just uncertain as to what changes await me.  I am feeling quite like it’s time for some contemplation of things, rather than just jumping in and trying to make things happen.  I’m good at fix, manage and control.  But maybe it’s time for letting be and letting go.

So I’m learning some of the things that stifle my passion.

• Not being able to act upon passion to create a difference whether by people or tools which prohibit progress.
• Not feeling valued by those for whom or with whom you are offering service.
• Not knowing whether the change you are seeking is wanted or needed.

And maybe it’s the opposite of these that drives, possibly even creates, passion.

• Being surrounded by people who encourage you that you can make a difference.
• Having the needed tools to allow you to succeed in your purpose.
• Getting appreciation for the work you do.
• Being commended for the ways you help.
• Having your help requested or pursued.

I know a lot of what I do in the name of my passions is appreciated.  I can hold on to those things I do each day that are making a difference.  I can be grateful for those who let me know I am of help.  And I can also be grateful to those who let me know I am not.  Each is teaching me in ways that are helpful to my destiny.  Each is guiding my path forward.  It hurts to feel that you are not valued but such is life.  We are not meant to be all things for all people.  But there is always a place for each of us to find appreciation, to know we are wanted and of value.  I think now is just a time for me to thoughtfully consider where those places are for me.

Photo credit: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/5b/19/01/5b1901bf63f8d96366f9046b736dd698.jpg

Resolutions and Commitment

Tags

family, Rule of 3

It’s the time of year when we look back on our achievements from the previous year and ahead to what we want to do in the new one.  It’s a time for resolutions for change and commitment to goals.

I have a friend Esther who recently posted on FB about her YEAR LONG COMMITMENT to her 2015 New Year’s Resolution. She had pledged to donate $5 for every post that Rep Mary Franson put on Facebook that was “inappropriate, inaccurate, not applicable to her position as a state representative, and for the sole purpose of cultivating controversy” and the Douglas County DFL made a tidy sum on this pledge.  I commend her as she is one of the few people able to say she’d completed a year-long resolution… so many of us peter out in the first week or two.  Or the first day…  I remember a couple years ago noting how, the first week of January, yoga classes were suddenly FULL and, by February, the class size had reverted to a typical number of students.

I once read a book on time and cycles (at least a part of it, though I’m not recalling the title now… it’s somewhere in a box at the Harn) which said that January 1^st is NOT the time to make resolutions, but that we should do it on our birthday each year.  Our own personal cycles, based on date of birth, may well be a more timely and effective place to implement these ideas.  This changes nothing for my mother who celebrates her birthday each January 1^st, but I remember trying it the year I read that book.  I cannot recall the change I selected on my birthday that year, but I am sure I didn’t make the entire year, though I have made several year-long or longer commitments in my life.  I did a year-long commitment to daily Reiki and journaling when I received my Reiki I certification in 2011, I did a couple multi-year stints with celibacy many years back, and celebrated 20 years of sobriety in 2012.  So I know about commitment.  But changing my ways has typically involved a quick reversion to the norm after attempts to make improvements like eating healthy, losing weight, or anything apparently that I just don’t want to do.

Because isn’t that really the key? Wanting to do the new thing?  Feeling enough passion or pain that we can truly commit to the change?  When we want to do something, it gets done.  Sometimes those things are needed for the long-term and sometimes for only a season or a short while.  Maybe we need to stop eating gluten because our bodies cannot process this substance.  Ah, yes.  A long-term change.  And maybe it is important to take time after a major medical crisis to heal in quiet rest.  But at some point, we also need to push ourselves to regain strength.  Maybe we do need to sleep more if we’ve burned the candle at both ends for too long.  But do we take it to an extreme where things that need to be done to achieve our dreams end up being avoided?  Re-evaluating what seems to bring what we desire at one time can result in us maintaining balance and real commitment to our bigger dreams.  I left a high paying career in metallurgical engineering because it was slowly killing my spirit and I truly desired a move into a new phase of pursuing a more simple and sustainable life, a life of less stress.  It’s been a good decision for many reasons… so far.  And I will continue to re-evaluate.

So I do like that we consider improvement and where we truly want to go with our lives at least this one time a year.  Personally, I think it’s wise to consider these ideas every day.  And, to a degree, I try to make commitments to positive life ideas frequently.  I fail a great deal but I guess I am more successful doing it though the year and making some progress rather than just this once a year and failing in the one instance.

My friend Alice posted on FB about making a resolution to simply “love yourself more”.  I like this. And it reminded me of the episode of Star Talk with Neil deGrasse Tyson Dan and I watched the other night where the guest mentioned that we should become billionaires, not by making a billion dollars, but by making a positive difference in a billion people’s lives. What a great concept!  And I thought to myself, “This will be my goal.” Not only through financial donations but, more simply and beautifully by smiling at people I meet, welcoming folks into the bookstore where I work in love, and sharing compassion, understanding and nonjudgmental appreciation for the many people I encounter as this life progresses. These little differences really add up as I think of the many times a quick word, nod of the head or smile has made my day so much better.  These brief lights in our lives bring such sweetness and comfort.

And it’s a gift that gives.  I believe that, in giving, we receive what we are pursuing. Sometimes it’s not immediate but usually when I give a smile, I get one in return.  When I make a kind gesture, I find that kindness comes my way soon enough.  I not only believe that we reap what we sow, but that we do so in spades.  That what we put out comes back three-fold, or even ten-fold.  So it works the other way too.  When I’m short-tempered, impatient and unkind, I find much of the same coming my way, often more than I felt that I gave!  But in giving good, I am able to get the love I desire. I always feel good about me and love me more when I’m sharing love and happiness with those around me.

Here’s wishing you all a productive and committed new year.  Meanwhile, I’ll be hanging with my baby.  Tom is here!!

* Thanks to Fran and Gretchen!! 🙂