Apparently this is now in question.  OK, maybe it’s been in question for some time but it’s officially recorded as of this week when I made the local paper, referenced by my full name and apparently ending with the question… “Where will you spend eternity?”  I’m feeling somewhat important… but mostly, I’m just confused.

Here’s my letter: http://www.echopress.com/opinion/letters/3917339-letter-paris-climate-agreement-not-enough

Here’s the response: http://www.echopress.com/opinion/letters/3929645-letter-where-will-you-spend-eternity  I’m not really sure how what I wrote is connected to what she wrote but apparently it has something to do with where I will spend eternity…  There’s a reference to me, personally, and my letters on climate change.  Then there is a bunch of stuff about how God flooded the Earth.  Then a question: “Where will you spend eternity?’

God and Adam Michaelangelo

It gets even better with another letter in the same edition of the paper’s opinion letters: http://www.echopress.com/opinion/letters/3929617-letter-god-control-climate  I have to put some detail here:

“In the beginning, God created the universe and put the Earth perfect on its axis. Then came God’s judgment on the Earth with Noah’s flood that covered the whole Earth. After the flood, God had to do something with all the excess water so he tipped the Earth 23-1/2 degrees on its axis, causing the waters to rush to the poles, where he froze the water immediately into the glaciers.

What is happening now is that God the creator is slowly tipping the Earth back to its original position on its axis. Therefore, the Earth’s temperature is slowly changing and causing climate change around the Earth. The glaciers are slowly melting and some are breaking loose and starting to move around.

Because God is tipping the Earth back to its original position on its axis, it is causing earthquakes, floods, and weather changes around the world.”

I think he’s doing it with his big finger… or as we call it, “His Noodly Appendage”!

FSM and Adam

The grammar in these letters alone is enough to give one pause… but the premise and explanation is where the true belly laughs erupt.  I am AMAZED to learn that God tipped the Earth to allow all the water to go to the poles where it was instantly frozen into glaciers.  (I pondered aloud, “How would that work really?  Getting all the water on opposite sides of the globe at the same time??  My husband says, “He had to tweak it really fast!”)

If this is so, are we to take it that, since God is now “causing climate change around the Earth” ~ a situation where bunches of us are being killed, like literally millions of people ~ that He hates us?!? It would seem to me that killing many of us in mass floods, droughts, tsunamis, heat waves and other weather-related disasters would be a sign of disapproval. It’s not like, “Oops! Sorry about that tornado where a couple people died.  I was just playing around with this wind thing and it got a little out of control.”  No this is like, “See ya’!” with no time for response.  Looks like He especially disapproves of the people in D.C. right now.  It’s probably all those damn politicians!

But really, we all know that the true instigator in all things climate change is the lack of pirates.

Global Warming and Pirates

As explained in an open letter to the Kansas School Board regarding the beliefs of The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, “there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.”  http://www.venganza.org/about/open-letter/

This letter is asking that, if we’re going to teach Intelligent Design, then how about also teaching the idea of Intelligent Design by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the author’s deity of choice.  Tongue in cheek, this has developed into a new religion for those who have a big sense of humor and perhaps also a sense of humility.  Pastafarians, as they are known, poke fun at those who, rather than respecting that others be allowed to practice their own ideas, instead want to force Christian beliefs to be taught as the only “truth”.

Reminds me of Howard Zinn’s People’s History of the United States.  During the European Invasion of Haiti (aka Columbus’ discovery of America), the white invaders (aka Missionaries) asked the Natives if they didn’t want to go to Heaven.  This was asked as they were literally killing the Natives for refusing to accept Jesus Christ as Savior.  BTW, I’m pretty sure this was not in line with what Jesus would have deemed A-OK.  Anyway, their response was basically “Not if that’s where you’re going to be.”  I’d tend to agree.

do not kill enemy

Photo credits:

bumper sticker: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wiless/2627167258

global warming and pirates: http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikaandersen/2012/03/23/true-fact-the-lack-of-pirates-is-causing-global-warming/#2715e4857a0b6e180410a231

All others Wikipedia