Standing on the Right Side of History

Tags

activism, Women

Things are heating up here in the North Woods, literally and figuratively.  Climate change has made for a strange Fall turning to Winter as we’ve had frigid, colder than normal, weather for most of November.  However, we have also had some unseasonably warm days here and there.  [Most recently we used these warm days to process trees and chickens.]  And in December a trial begins in Bagley, Minnesota that could mean big things for the Climate Movement.  Climate Warriors Emily Johnston and Annette Klapstein, along with co-defendents Ben Joldersman and Steve Liptay, shut down the Enbridge Tar Sands pipeline on October 11, 2016 in Leonard, Minnesota.  They will be presenting a Necessity Defense and Dan & I will be there to cheer them to victory.

This past Wednesday as most people were preparing their turkeys for roasting, I sent my second and final comment to the Public Utilities Commission regarding the Line 3 FEIS (Final Environmental Impact Statement).

Dear PUC,

I am not sure if there is really any point in writing and that is a sad feeling for a constituent to have in writing to their government.  The government is supposed to serve the people.  But these days it appears the government and law enforcement are supporting Corporate needs over the needs of Citizens.  Which, if you read history books by Howard Zinn, is apparently the way it’s always been.  I just wish we’d learn more from our history as we proceed through this time of the sixth great extinction, largely caused by and definitely accelerated by man.  If we could, we just might save mankind.

What is the source of my hopelessness?  In part it is because it seems, based on several factors, that the public comments are not truly given full consideration.

• The FEIS was ruled “adequate” by Eric Lipman even though MANY of the public comments from the DEIS remain unaddressed.
• The environmental factors in regard to climate change appear to be deemed outside the scope or not relevant.  How can concerns about climate change be not relevant to a decision that would affect climate change?
• The document in some part reads like a commercial endorsement of Enbridge.  It’s pretty evident that much of what Enbridge reported was included without critical evaluation of its validity.  If this is truly an Environmental Impact Statement, it should include a scientific evaluation of the information presented by the requester, not just a reiteration of it as fact.

It seems that the PUC has already determined that this pipeline CoN will be approved, it’s just a matter of getting through these pesky public meetings.  Oh, and this Evidentiary Hearing process.  It also seems disrespectful that the Tribes have not had a true place at the table.  The US has violated Treaty Rights over and over.  But this needs to end.  It is past time when the voice of the Natives of this Land should be heard.  If we had listened to them long ago, we would likely not be in the mess that we are.  They watched as the Colonials came into their land and raped and pillaged it.  The piles of buffalo skulls, the massive culling of trees, the destruction of wetlands – they watched as the largely White population destroyed in a short time the land they had inhabited for centuries.

And we continue to focus on energy products that destroy our world.  From the poisoning of the land where Tar Sands are extracted to the leaks that run from the inadequate pipelines fouling the waters to the burning of fossil fuels that pollute the air, we continue to walk a path of destruction.  It is high time we stand together for a focus on renewable energy; plant energy, wind energy, solar energy, and those yet to be discovered because we lazily stay the path of fossil fuels.

And we see spill after spill.  What a simple little word that is to describe something so destructive.  The latest “spill” of 5000 barrels, over 200,000 gallons, in South Dakota should be a red flag to Minnesota’s PUC.  There must be a consideration of the dangers of pipeline leaks, something inevitable with Line 3, which even Enbridge admits.

If the PUC approves this Certificate of Need and Permit Route, it does so at the peril of not just Minnesotans but all people of the world.  The Fossil Fuel Industry is a DYING Industry.

Please be a force of good on the right side of history and DENY the Certificate of Need.

Jami Gaither

Alida, MN

I also sent a card to Administrative Law Judge Ann O’Reilly.

Unfortunately, we continue to see Government working in favor of the Fossil Fuel Industry, most recently in Nebraska.  I posted recently in FB regarding the spill they experienced in South Dakota on the Keystone XL Pipeline:

Worse than we thought… and it may not affect today’s decision on the XL Pipeline. A state law passed in 2011 prevents the commission from factoring pipeline safety or the possibility of leaks into its decisions. [When they passed the law, legislators argued that pipeline safety is a federal responsibility and should not factor in the state decision.]

I think it’s incredible that the media reports “An aerial photo released by TransCanada on Twitter that the company says is of the spill, shows a darkened area on flat agricultural land. There do not appear to be any waterways or towns nearby.” I can clearly see the drainage ditch in the photo feet from the leak. Where do they think this water goes??

The Crow Creek drainage ditch is a small tributary to a major water supply for South Dakota taking the snow melt to the east into the James River.

I read a comment recently that the Navy has a saying about how one drop of oil in a ship’s water supply is deadly. I talked with a Navy Doc friend of mine and he regaled me with tales of what oil does to the body. Basically, when the body encounters it, it forces the body to flush. So then you need clean water to re-hydrate. You can see the problem, no? Where does the crew get fresh water if their supply is contaminated?

As horrible as this is, I am hopeful that it is one more nail in fossil fuel’s coffin.

Indeed, it turns out Nebraska approved the new Keystone XL Pipeline with a vote of 3-2 (all Yeas were Republican Male votes) citing the need for rural tax dollars – apparently oil is worth more than water in Nebraska.  The motion OP-0003 was moved by Commissioner Landis and seconded by Commissioner Johnson (and supported by Commissioner Schram) but the best part of the meeting was the commentary from Commissioner Crystal Rhoades who voted “NO” on the motion.  She cited several reasons for her opposition including:

• Due Process rights for 40 landowners along the route.  These residents were not informed that their land was in the path of the newly approved pipeline route and thus may not have been following or commenting on the issue.
• Federal and State agencies did not study this new route.
• This route continues to run through fragile soils with a high probability of landslides.
• The mainline alternative route crosses the Ogallala Aquifer.
• TransCanada has shown no positive evidence of an economic benefit to Nebraska as they have no contracts with any NE Labor Union or Contractor and there is no evidence that any construction jobs will be given to NE residents.  Short term tax payments will not offset the losses to the value of the land through which the pipeline runs.  Furthermore, the NE Department of Revenue could not conclude a positive tax impact for NE.
• TransCanada admitted it had not spoken with NE Native American Tribes.
• Another corridor exists but TransCanada did not “prefer” using their existing corridor.

Commissioner Mary Ridder also voted against the motion.  Yea for Women!!  Another fine example of why we need more women in government.

There are also Activists fighting in opposition to the pipeline.

“One thing we’ve learned through this whole process is we take our victories as we can get them, no matter how big or how small,” Randy Thompson, a Nebraska rancher who has been among the most visible pipeline opponents, said on Monday. “And this today is another victory for us because the damn pipe is not in the ground, and they said 10 years ago they were going to have it in the ground.”  ~ NY Times article (linked above)

It could be a tough fight for TransCanada and I sure hope it is.  Even the Economist reporting was bleaker than I expected.  And South Dakota might be getting serious about holding TransCanada accountable after this third leak in a year.  None of this is helping TransCanada in a time of cheap natural gas (oil prices have dropped on them from $130 to $58 a barrel) and while they are seeking new Shippers – turns out they’ve seen a “reductions in volume commitments by other shippers.”

Meanwhile, here in Clearwater County we gear up for our own Climate Change Activism.  In the little County Seat of Bagley, Minnesota (population 1400 per the 2016 census, though the local sign still says 1574) we will be hosting the trial for Climate Activists Emily Johnston and Annette Klapstein, on which Emily recently wrote for the Guardian.  She said:

We knew we were at risk for years in prison. But the nation needs to wake up now to what’s coming our way if we don’t reduce emissions boldly and fast; business as usual is now genocidal.

In shutting off the pipelines, we hoped to be part of that wake-up, to put ourselves in legal jeopardy in order to state dramatically and unambiguously that normal methods of political action and protest are simply not working with anywhere near the speed that we need them to.  ~ Emily Johnston

Dan and I attended their arraignment hearing back in August and the courtroom was filled with Water Protectors supporting these four defendants… and one Enbridge employee – their local cheerleader, Cheryl Grover (previously the County Assessor).  Cheryl brags about how she “retired one day and was working for Enbridge the next”.  While the original arraignment was a fun day with lots of friends, we have seen some not so great outcomes in the trials for the Shut It Down Activists to date.

Ken Ward (who planned to use the Necessity Defense in his actions against the Brayton Point power plant in Somerset, MA until the DA dropped all charges) had a relatively good outcome in his Washington State trial – basically time-served along with community service and supervision.  Michael Foster was tried in North Dakota, a strong supporter state of the Fossil Fuel Industry.  James Hanson and other Climate Science experts were barred from testifying.  Michael faces up to 21 years in prison.  His sentence will be announced in January.

More recently in Montana, Leonard Higgins was convicted of  felony criminal mischief and misdemeanor criminal trespass.  He is looking at a possible 10 year prison sentence and up to $50,000 in fines.  His sentence will be announced January 2, 2018.  If you want to donate to the defense fund for these Climate Warriors, please click here.

Emily gives me some hope as she writes in her article:

“I’m heartened by the way the law can be supple—not a thing that, once set, holds that exact shape forever (or we’d still have slavery, and I couldn’t vote or marry), but a thing that responds—slowly—to our evolving understanding of what is just and true.”

Do they have a chance?  Ted Hamilton and Bill Quigley make a strong argument that there may well be reason for hope in this little courthouse in Bagley in their article Do Climate Activists Have a Legal Justification for Civil Disobedience?  They describe the Necessity Defense where one can break the common law in order to obey a higher law:

“The common law — the collection of precedents, norms, and legal traditions that originated in medieval England and which forms the fabric of our legal system today — has long allowed for some wiggle room to justify lawbreaking.

For example, a ship captain may destroy precious cargo to prevent capsizing in a storm, and a prisoner may escape from prison to avoid being raped. The logic of such cases is simple: sometimes you need to violate the law in order to prevent a greater harm, and you shouldn’t be punished for making the right choice.”

A year ago, an Oregon Federal Judge ruled in Juliana v. US that “there is a fundamental right to a climate system capable of sustaining human life’.”

“If the government has a duty to protect the atmosphere and other resources effected by climate change, and if there is a clear gap between this duty and the government’s conduct in aiding and abetting the fossil fuel industry, then major changes in energy funding and extraction permits are required.”  ~Hamilton-Quigley article (linked above)

And as more of us stand up, the Powers-that-Be are going to have to start listening.

Dan and I will be there December 11th in the Bagley, Minnesota courtroom to support Annette and Emily.  I feel like we will be a part of history… and standing on the right side of it too.

 

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My First Year at the Harn

Tags

DIY, Freedom, sustainability, Time

I’ve just had an anniversary – well, a couple, come to think of it.  On the 13^th, I celebrated my 24^th anniversary of becoming a mom.  Can’t believe our boy is all grown up now…  I’m also celebrating my first anniversary of moving to the Harn.  It’s been a year since I made the transition and I still think moving to the woods in November 2016 was a fantastic idea.  While I initially made the move on my own, it’s been nice for the last seven months to have Dan here with me on this adventure.  [Oh, he got me a lovely foot massage unit for the anniversary and we’re now enjoying relaxing with that after a long day of work outside.  I think he’s wanting to keep his “frontier woman” happy.]

I’ve told people that we’re giving it 3-5 years to see what we think and so far, it’s good.  There were several things I wondered if I could handle in making the transition to the woods but all the things I had concerns about have ended up being either non-issues,  aren’t as bad as I’d expected them to be, or are things I’ve really come to enjoy.  I still say it’s lovely, even in below zero weather, to sit on the porch and have a poo while a woodpecker sits not 5 feet from me, pecking on the suet.  Even if there is no woodpecker, to sit in the middle of the woods is far superior to the sterile porcelain environment that many of us find to be commonplace.

So… what have we learned?

Water

We’ve learned (again) this year that we need to be careful with the water system.  The first flush diverter on the East downspout came apart last week in the frigid cold, in part because we didn’t pull the caps to allow all the water to drain… again, and the result was a huge PVC icicle that fell to the ground. The issue this winter was that we got a first snow and thought it would melt off in a day or two but… it didn’t.  It just kept snowing and staying frigid cold.  So we didn’t get to removing the caps before things got really frozen.  But at least we DID drain the garden cistern and rain barrel system on the south side of the house so they should be OK.  [If you recall, last year our previous garden cistern cracked down the side mid-winter after becoming too full of ice.  Last year it was having such a mild early winter that we kept getting more water accumulation every time we drained the cistern and we should have just emptied it completely every time – like we did this year.]

Gardening and Food

We’ve learned that our forested acreage is REALLY wet.  And that slugs LOVE it.  We built hugle beds (wood and soil piles where the wood acts like 1) a sponge, keeping the garden bed moist, and 2) a compost pile, breaking down over time to provide nutrition to the soil) but found that we really need to build them about three times bigger.  Our beds should be almost like raised beds – 3-4’ high is not too high.  So that will be a project this coming spring.  We have lots of old wood and should be able to build up on the hugle mounds we’ve already got in place.  Though we may have to reconfigure the bee yard a bit for the bigger mounds…

We’ve also worked for friends on their farms and learned a lot about raising veggies and animals.  I will say veggies are easier to wrangle than goats.  We did have a heck of a time with our goat sitting this year but I can now recognize, and cull from the pack, a horny male goat amidst a herd of females.  I also am learning more and more vegetables, though I still struggle with knowing some.  I’ve cooked lots of new dishes as I harvested at the farms and we have an abundance of food in the form of potatoes and squash.

We also did some foraging this year and learned a bit about edible (and non-edible) mushrooms and berries.  We gathered choke cherries and made jelly, and also crabapples (thanks, Diana!) to make preserves and syrup.  The syrup is SO GOOD on pancakes – which we’ve been eating of late with the cold and Dan’s hunting schedule.

Oh, another skill in development!  Dan started hunting on Deer Opener (November 4^th – it’s like a national holiday up here) with a buddy who can carve up a deer leaving almost nothing in the way of meat on the bones.  He’s borrowed a gun and tree stand and is getting a feel for what he thinks.  Last year deer hunting time was unseasonably warm – so warm that hunters worried about their meat spoiling before they could get it into a cooler.  This year, not so much of a problem.  It’s been in the single digits for some of the time he’s spent out there with most days staying under freezing, and often with nasty winds.  No worries about the meat getting too warm, more worries about your fingers and toes staying warm enough to avoid frostbite!  I’m guessing it’s kind of like having a baby though… once you get the deer, all that misery is forgotten.  We’ll see.

I’ve learned a bit more about bees this year too; mostly that they know what they are doing and man should pretty much just leave them alone for best results.  I had one colony die after never really getting started and a second die due to a lost queen that was not replaced in time for winter.  It was a devastating blow to not be able to winter over a colony, but we had quite a harvest of honey. Nonetheless, I still grieve my bees.

And we have a bounty of other stored food in the form of canned green beans, tomatoes, tomato soup, and applesauce.  I’ve got some marinara from Sylvia, some grape jelly from Char, some beet pickles from Jill, and some squash from Connie.  Lots to keep me busy cooking this winter.  I think canning may be one of the best things I’ve learned and I only wish I’d been able to do more.  We have invested in a propane burner and massive pressure canner/cooker for outdoor canning on the porch next year. And we have a few canning jars ready to fill.

Heating: aka Adding Cob to the Rocket Mass Heater

Having the proper mass on your stove is crucial for creating a “mass” heater that radiates to warm the home.  We still have much mass to add to our stove and continue to lose heat through the chimney.  But we added several buckets of cob to the stove this fall  and we’re getting closer to enclosing the final run of exhaust tubing.  Once that is complete, it should allow us to pull more of the heat from the exhaust before it leaves the building.  The goal is to have an exit temperature on our chimney of about 100°F.  This would mean the heat is flowing into our mass where it is stored to radiate out later.  The Rocket Stove is typically burned for just a couple hours a day meaning much of your heating is a result of the mass releasing its heat into your house while you are not burning.

We also realized that having the windows all the way closed and locked down is pretty important too.  Yes, we found the kitchen window was slightly cracked letting in loads of cold air the last few weeks.  Gzeesh!  House is staying much warmer since we remedied that!

With attendance at the Rocket Mass Heater Innovator Jamboree last month (Yes, I’m going to blog about it soon…) I learned much about making cob and earthen plasters from Erica Wisner and Chris “Uncle Mud” McClellan.  I confirmed that cob making is an art, and a pretty forgiving one at that… thus much of what I’ve done to date has been okay.  But I did find that I’m using lots more clay in my mix than needed.  Since clay is the hardest component to secure, the buckets I’ve mixed will be extended with additions of more sand and straw.  I also found that I can add as many rocks as I like to take up space.  We added 4 buckets of cob earlier this fall and, with the new tricks, I’ve added almost as much mass in the last week or two with about one bucket of cob as I did with those four buckets.  That’s a big savings!

Speaking of Savings… Money and Stuff

It’s kind of strange to live without an income – well, I make a bit here and there with Hostel work or writing for the Farmers Independent (the local paper).  This was the aspect I feared most in the whole “retire early, live simply, and be sustainable” plan.  But to not have a steady income and still be able to get groceries, buy gifts for people, eat out occasionally with friends – it’s kind of surreal. The Dogma in this country is all about making money, as much as you can, or you’ll be homeless, destitute, impoverished.  I guess we did a lot of that making as much money as you can for some time but we didn’t buy into the second part of the capitalistic method – spend what you get.  Saving all those years means we have some funds to live on now.

And we make the funds we have go far.  I shop at thrift stores but you wouldn’t believe the deals you can find.  I spent $8 a couple weeks back and got a like-new Hippie top (adorbs), a Columbia fleece jacket (super warm) in great condition, and a new (tag still on them) pair of yoga pants.  My friend Angie got a pair of winter boots (Sorels no less!), two shirts and a pair of pants for her $8.  Can’t beat that.  Plus I have way too many clothes anyway.  I have t-shirts to last me until I die and probably some jeans that need to be donated as they are too big now.

I find up here in the North Woods I pretty much can wear the same clothes all the time.  I mean, there are weeks when I wear the same clothes for days in a row.  Or I’ll wear an outfit and then hang it on my wall rack – that place where clothes go when they aren’t dirty enough for the hamper yet – and wear it again a few days later.  And another key is having lounging clothes and work clothes – that way the work stuff keeps getting dirtier while your indoor stuff stays clean longer.  I do SO MUCH LESS laundry these days – another savings and sustainability factor.  I figure as long as the clothes are not muddy or stinky, they can take another wearing.  [I do change the underwear and socks a bit more frequently than the other clothes…]  Oh, and I’ve discovered the joy of bralessness.  What a freedom.  And I don’t think anyone has even noticed!  [Oh, Danny says he has…]

And we’re finding that you use things to completion as best you can.  As such, I’m tanning the deer hide from the deer shot by our friend Jeff.  I’m also going to tan the smaller hide from the road kill deer we salvaged from the ditch this past weekend for his wife since I find I like the process of de-fleshing so much.  And we’re taking the deer carcasses and using them to feed birds in the yard – have two this year, up from the one last year, and way ahead of last year, getting this one in place a good month before the one I put up last year.  Here’s a video of the process.

Going with the Flow

I think one of the most fun things about being at the Harn is that we own our time much more than when we were in the rat race.  When committed to a job, it’s hard to stay up until midnight finishing a movie you decided to start at 10 PM.  It’s not an option to sleep in when you have to be at work by a certain time.  It’s hard to join a neighbor on an adventure if you have to factor it into a workday.  Take last Sunday, for instance.  I was working on the blog and writing some letters, taking a call from Mom, when a neighbor texted and asked if we could help him move a wood stove to his basement.  Sure.  We headed over and then came back to get ready to go to the Symphony (using a neighbor’s ticket that otherwise would have gone unused) to see another neighbor play violin.   I know, everyone is free on Sunday, right?  Well, what about the Friday before that when I was able to just head out to visit the neighbors on a whim.  I chatted with Connie and Bill, stopped by to see Ada and chat with her (the 89 year old “Queen of Alida” who lives with her cat Molly in our closest “town”), introduced myself again – it’s been years since we first met – to another neighbor Sandy and met her dog Molly, and then headed down to Char’s for some eggs and a quick visit.  It was a fun couple hours just sharing and laughing with friends.

This past week we were able to take a day to hang with our friends at Split Oak Farms tanning my deer hide, watching a deer get processed for pig feed, cooking a couple meals to share, roasting peppers for a Thanksgiving dish, and watching a movie.  The cat didn’t even seem too peeved that we were gone all day.

And when I get going, like I did on a little sewing project the other day, I can work until I finish it or find something else to distract me and then go back to it later.  I love this going with the flow and enjoying the opportunities as they arise.  Of course, it’s not always like this – sometimes we have to pick between sleeping in and going hunting… And sometimes we commit to one thing and then can’t do another.  And sometimes we have to wash the dishes!  But it is nice not having to give a bunch of hours, drive-time, and energy to a J-O-B.  We’re working for us now.  It may be harder work physically than we ever did in the Rat Race but WE are getting the benefits of all our efforts whether it’s harvesting food, making something for a friend, or chopping wood.  Speaking of which, I better get on that!  And that reminds me of a great Dillon Bustin song about cutting more wood…

Realizing our Genius

Sometimes we see the brilliance of our decisions (mostly the result of happenstance or dumb luck).

For example, this spring we pulled the deadwood that had fallen in the area around the Harn.  We cleared small and large trees and branches in the 50’ area surrounding the Harn and piled them in the east end of the clearing south of the Harn, hoping to process them into firewood during the summer/fall.  [We would rob this pile when burning summer bonfires in our outdoor fire pit – benefit #1.]  Well, with everything else we did, we didn’t get that wood processed.  However, it’s been a nice benefit this winter to be able to go to the pile and gather as much kindling as we need to supplement the larger wood we have prepped in the garage.

We’ve also been happy to find that the pile of trees we made back in 2009 is still usable!  It’s worn wood but very seasoned and good for burning hot fires – and very easy to process compared with the more green / larger stuff we have.  And also full of kindling since it’s all sizes of trees.

In the sequence of events that is our life, we’ve been lucky to meet people who could use our services on their farms.  As such, we’ve been able to secure access to good, wholesome food in exchange for our help.  Good and healthy farms always have an abundance of food to what can be used or sold and lucky for us, we get part of the harvest when we’re willing to be part of the labor in making it happen.

And sometimes it’s little things.  When we run water for washing dishes – it takes a minute for the hot water tank water to get across the Harn to our kitchen sink – rather than letting the water go down the drain, we fill a gallon jug with this water.  This also helps lessen the emptying of the bucket under the kitchen sink drain…  We then use that water to fill the Berkey system we use to filter our drinking water.  No Waste!

I guess the good news is that we are learning.  We are discovering new ways to live here at the Harn that hopefully result in less waste and a more sustainable life.  Since we are a long way from true sustainability and zero waste,  we will keep on with the experiment!  At least for a couple more years…

Lyme and Herzheimer – Two to Avoid

Tags

Herxheimer, Lyme

Hey, Everybody!! I’m back with the living!! Thank you for all your prayers, good energy, love and well wishes.

This was my preamble to a blog posting the morning after I thought I had almost died from a drug reaction.  OK, if you know me, you know that’s a bit dramatic.  But I will say it’s as close to dying as I hope to come anytime soon!

So here’s the sequence of events in my Lyme’s Disease experience, as best I can recall.  Some of this is remembered in hindsight and is tainted by my poor memory.  But I’m hopeful it might help someone else going through this, especially the end part on the Herxheimer Reaction.

On or about September 28^th, I noticed a large red diamond area on my right inner thigh.  It appeared to have a bite in the center – I assumed a spider bite – and over a period of a couple days, it turned dark gray or blackish in the center.  I was a bit shocked by it and  put Lavender essential oil on it.  It was a bit itchy and felt a bit like a bruise.  But it wasn’t showing lines like I associated with an infection moving through the body.  I have this recollection of a story that if the line from an infected area reaches your heart you die.  But no lines, so I thought I’d wait to see what happened.  It seemed to get a bit worse in color but I had lots going on and the itching lessened and it didn’t look like it was getting too much worse.

I was dealing with LOTS of stuff in life at the time – farm sitting for one friend, helping another farm friend, canning with Connie, friends visiting for the weekend, making corn cob cordial, getting ready for a big trip to Missoula and Colorado.  Since the bite seemed not too bad, it was easy to just keep putting oil on it and waiting to see how it progressed.

I also had a couple other weird things at the same time, one that got my attention, one that was background noise.  The one that had my attention was a sore left calf.  I know that this flared on September 29^th because I was canning with Connie that day and asked her for some of her essential oil mix that helps sore muscles.  I attributed the soreness to the goat wrangling that we’d been doing the previous couple days.  I figured the oil mix would help and tried to forget about it.  But the oil didn’t do the trick.  The calf kept feeling tender and actually swelled.

The thing that was background noise was that I had several days of headaches.  I think I probably attributed them to an oncoming menstrual cycle as I often fight migraines around my cycle, especially when I’m stressed and I was juggling a lot of balls at the time.  I used peppermint oil on the back of my neck to fight the headaches and that seemed to work well.  I also had two instances where I felt like I was breaking a fever.  I had a sweaty face on waking in bed – though I didn’t feel like I had a fever prior to that.  This happened for a couple days as I recall in hindsight.  I didn’t think too much of it as I had been hanging out with a friend who was sick and I attributed that to my body fighting off and not getting her cold.

Oh, I also had all these little rashy areas, diamond shaped, across my chest and back and buttocks, and on my legs.  They were not itchy or painful, just numerous.  So all this is happening as I prepare to travel to Missoula and Colorado.

When I arrived in Missoula, I felt fine but I noted that I get very short of breath when I hiked up the hill.  After a day I realized, “Oh! I’m at elevation!”  We were at about 3400 feet.  I felt a chest pressure that seemed like what I thought a mild heart attack might feel like but I didn’t have any other issues except the heart rate and pressure.  I knew I was going to the doc in another couple weeks and decided I’d ask him about it then.

By the time we got to our son Tom’s place in Denver, we decided I needed something to fight what was happening.  I got some Benedryl and, at Dan’s direction (he’d gotten this advice from a medical professional at some point in the past), I took 2 Benedryl to start the regimen.  There was no need to imbibe in the local offerings as the Benedryl definitely made me feel pretty good.  Who knew?

Later that evening in Tom’s apartment, I had some wine as we waited for him to get home from work.  I took more Benedryl as well.  I got pretty loopy and at one point took a green marker and drew around all the red diamond areas on my legs, reportedly “to determine if they are growing or shrinking”.  This was October 11^th.

We got home October 14^th and I was scheduled for a Doctor appointment on the 23^rd so I kept an eye on my rash, bite, calf and chest pressure.  I continued to take the Benedryl for a few more days and I slept on the couch with my left calf elevated and I noted the calf seemed back to normal after three days.  The rashes continued to dissipate.  I did notice that the chest pressure was also associating with a racing heart rate on the 19^th and 20^th – both episodes in the middle of the night.  On the 22^nd, I had a brief bit of chest pressure without racing heart as I walked into a friends’ home mid-afternoon.  I felt fine otherwise.  No headache, no fatigue, no achy joints, no fever or chills.

So, the 23^rd I visit the Doc for an update on a medication I take and I addressed the other weird things I’d noted since scheduling the appointment a month earlier.  He seemed concerned about the bite and decided we needed to check for Lyme’s.  He also said we’d schedule a stress test for that Friday the 27^th to check out the chest pain.  I was less concerned about the blood test as I hadn’t had any Lyme’s symptoms and had not had any bullseye or tick bites to my awareness.  I was more concerned about the stress test as I’ve always thought I’d die of a heart attack and assumed we’d find a bunch of clogged arteries to be cleared or monitored.  I was dreading the elimination of cheese and ice cream from my diet.

This was an initial visit, it being the first time I’d been to the doctor since moving to the North Woods, and the Doc wanted to confirm my allergies.  I told him Gantrisin and Lomotil and that “my Aunt Dee said I was allergic to Sulfa drugs”.  Since I didn’t have recollection of any effects from Sulfa, he did not note it in my file as I thought was prudent.  Well….. turns out that one I am allergic to (and I imagine had a horrible reaction to as a child fighting bladder infections and Aunt Dee heard all about it) is Gantrisin, a discontinued drug which has generics today and IS A SULFA DRUG. SO… I think we need to denote that I cannot have Sulfa.

Anyhow.  I show up at my stress test Friday morning and, when I go to get on the treadmill, the Medical Tech, John, tells me the Doc wants to talk with me.  I ask him to get Danny from the waiting room and then he comes in and gives me his cell phone.  The Doc explains that I tested positive for Lyme’s and he has called in a prescription for Doxycycline Hyclate.  John and the Radiation Tech Todd both provide their feedback on Doxy – one says it’s horrible on the gastrointestinal tract – nausea, stomachache, diarrhea – and the other acts like it’s not that big a deal – he’s been through Lyme’s treatment twice now.  Great.  I pass my stress test with no indications of any issues – WHOO HOO! – and head to the pharmacy for my Rx.

After taking the first Doxycycline at 1PM, having a baked potato for lunch and heading home, I was wiped out and laid down for a nap. I awoke 2 hours later at 5:15 and felt… not right. I had achy muscles and just didn’t feel normal. So I went to the couch to sit by Dan in the living room and soon I was really chilled.  I pulled the blanket over me and tried to get warm.  I then spent the next 2 hours convulsing in chills, breathing my hot breath (as I was actually really hot) into the covers to warm me and wondering if I was going to die. At about 6:15, Dan called the Bemidji Walmart (all the local pharmacies had closed) and the Pharmacist said, “That doesn’t sound like an allergic reaction to the drug, it sounds like you picked up a bacteria or virus.” She recommended to keep taking the Doxycycline.
About 7 PM (I think – I was pretty much out of it), Dan called the Bagley Hospital who gave him the Sanford Nurse number and he called and talked with her. I think he was getting pretty scared as he’d been watching me, looking like I was auditioning for the role of “Detox Patient in DTs” – I was just convulsing and shaking and shivering for too long. He had been researching online and read that the drug warnings for Doxycycline said: “Call your doctor at once if you have a serious side effect such as… fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms, swollen glands, rash or itching, joint pain, or general ill feeling” Yeah, I pretty much had all of that.  PLUS, he also read on the “most important information” you should know is that, before you take Doxycycline, you should tell your Doc if you’re “allergic to sulfites”.  Uh oh.
The Sanford Nurse said that we needed to get onto another drug immediately if I couldn’t take this one. [Remember this for later.] She also asked what my temperature was.  We hadn’t thought to check this but did and it was 99.8, which is high for me as I run about 97 normally. She advised Dan, if my fever hit 104 to take me to the hospital (which I didn’t know until I was finally going to sleep that night and we checked my temp again and it was 102.1).

My chills had dissipated while Dan was on the phone with the nurse. I’d begun doing Reiki on myself as I realized I couldn’t keep up the convulsing… Thankfully I had the sense to try something! I’d done the first symbol on my shoulder about 40 times and all the while could feel the chills ebbing. Then I did the healing symbol a half dozen times and I started feeling warm. Eventually I started feeling really warm – the fever kicking up. By about 9PM I was finally feeling somewhat normal again in most aspects.  But I was feeling pretty warm.  When he put me to bed, Dan got me a cold cloth for my head since I was still in fever. I planned to get up a couple hours later to check the temp again and be sure I wasn’t rising to 104.
I ended up having to pee about 12:30 and when I checked my temp, I found it was back to 99.7 so I could sleep the rest of the night more peacefully. When I got up to feed Lucky (our cat) about 8 AM I felt like a human again. Checked my temp and I was back to 97.

I knew Monday I’d need to check with the Doc about getting another antibiotic since I couldn’t take this one but with it being the weekend, I just would have to chillax for a couple days.  Well, when I called Monday, it got weird.  I talked with the Doc’s nurse, Billie, and she said she would talk with him.  I told her we were heading to Bemidji so they should call the Rx in there, not Bagley.  Well three and a half hours later, we hadn’t heard anything.  I called in to the clinic and was told by the receptionist Sheila, “Things are very busy and the doctor is busy but I’m sure they are working on it.”  Great.  I asked if I was supposed to just hang out in Bemidji all day until they figured it out.  I don’t think I’m making friends with her… I decided we’d get our final shopping done and hopefully it would be called in by then.  Billie ended up calling me as we were waiting to check out at the store.  She explained that the Doc “would not be prescribing another antibiotic”.  WHAT THE F&*K?

OK, I should explain that, while I was ambivalent about taking the antibiotic on Friday, I’d since talked with good friend Lee who explained to me that it was crucial to get the antibiotic during this short window of opportunity to fight the Lyme’s.  While I may not have had a bad effect, if I left it in my system, I’d be at risk of it rearing up later and causing bigger issues.  [I liken it to Chicken Pox and Shingles.  You’ve heard those horror stories, right?]  She’d convinced me I needed a regimen of antibiotics.  And the Doc himself had been pretty adamant that I absolutely needed to take the meds – “at least try a week” he’d urged when I sounded hesitant – and NOW he was basically just saying I wasn’t getting anything different??  Lee had told me there were several antibiotics that could be used and assured me the Doc would prescribe something for me – she said I needed to be on a 30-day treatment plan.

So, at this point, I’m scared.  I had an appointment that Friday with the Doc but I knew my window of opportunity was closing (they say if you treat within a month, you have best results).  I talked later in the day with a Doc friend of mine and explained to him what had happened.  He said it was a “no brainer”; that a different antibiotic should be prescribed as I had tested positive for the Lyme’s.  He was confused as well.  It was 4:50 PM and I decided to call the clinic one last time.

When Sheila answered, she explained that the Doc was gone and she didn’t appear willing to connect me with the nurse.  I explained that with Lyme’s there is a very short window of opportunity and I’d appreciate if she would at least try to connect me to the nurse.  She did.  When I talked with Billie I basically asked WHY the Doc decided I didn’t need antibiotics now when he’d been so adamant before.  She didn’t seem to have an answer for this.  I basically had to threaten that, should I have issues later, I’d have to report that I’d insisted on getting treatment but Sanford had refused… She said she would try to get in touch with the Doc and get back to me.  She called back in 5 minutes to say that he’d called in a 2-week Rx of 500 mg Amoxycillan for me.  WHEW!

Since everything in this small town closes early, I couldn’t get to the pharmacy before it closed but I happened to have some old Amoxycillan from a pre-treatment for dental work so I immediately took a dose.  Then I took another in the morning and headed to town for my Rx that afternoon.

So… my Friday appointment was an anxiety filled time.  I mean, how do I not just go off on this guy?  I decided I’d just ask him what happened.  After we walked through it, it turns out he thought I’d just had the fever Monday.  I told him I was clear that I’d had this experience on Friday when I started the medication – his nurse did a shitty job of communicating or he didn’t hear her very well (my money’s on the nurse).  Apparently, when you have this reaction on starting the antibiotic, they like to wait 24 hours to give another antibiotic.  I didn’t even ask why the nurse didn’t communicate that to me…  But this is the interesting part, and the reason I wanted to blog about it.  It’s a very weird thing that happened to me and it has a cool name: Herxheimer Reaction.

A die-off reaction, also called a Herxheimer reaction, can occur when treating the Lyme germ, some co-infections, and yeast. It occurs as bacteria or yeast die during antibiotic treatment. It is common to have Herxheimer die-off reactions when starting herbal anti-microbials or antibiotics when treating Lyme. These reactions can also occur when new antibiotics are introduced into a treatment.

AHA!  It appears that, when I took the antibiotic, I didn’t have an allergic reaction to it.  Instead my body released toxins, proteins, and oxidizing agents that created a rush of inflammatory cytokines.  Most Lyme’s Disease symptoms are excess inflammatory cytokine symptoms so… while I hadn’t initially felt any Lyme’s symptoms, I was SURE feeling them now!!

So, I’m back to liking the Doc – who I really LOVED after my first visit.  He’s a friendly, smiley, knowledgeable dude and I was uber happy with his thoroughness.  And I was happy with his explanation of the reaction I had.  He noted that the bands for which I tested positive were not those that require Doxycycline to treat and the Amoxycillan should be fine.  He did say we will do a 30-day regimen.  Thank goodness.

So, if you are faced with Lyme’s, I hope this experience is helpful.  But I hope even more that you won’t have to deal with Herxheimer Reaction or Lyme’s!

Oh, and what about the chest pain and racing heart?  The assumption is that I picked up Mountain Sickness while out in Missoula and Colorado.  Hopefully the symptoms will continue to wane until they disappear.  And I’m still eating ice cream and cheese.  🙂

How are we to act?

Tags

communication, Women

A male friend on FB recently posted this: “Ladies, when I’m walking by you on a street, or in a hallway, what is your preferred protocol? Eye contact? Avoid? Smile or no smile? Etc..”

I replied:

I always like eye contact and a smile. But I believe there is sometimes the truth of intention that sneaks out… so if you’re feeling something inappropriate in the contact, keep it cool.  They say if you look down, you’re invisible.  Maybe try looking invisible if you’re up to no good.  But you’d never be up to no good, eh?

I just think smiling at everyone with an intention of sharing happiness is the way to go.  I am constantly smiling at people – maybe they think I’m crazy… but sometimes I get a smile back that lets me know it was a good decision.  I think there are many of us who feel alone and sometimes a smile from a stranger can give us a feeling of belonging, even for just a moment.

It seems every day we hear of another sexual harassment perpetrator.  People are coming out of the woodwork with stories. And perps are admitting their faults!  It’s becoming a topic that we’re all discussing and I am hopeful that this communication will lead to a better understanding for us all.

Sometimes there is confusion about what constitutes harassment and I think this is worth discussing.  Here’s why.

I spent 23 years in the steel industry and saw quite a lot in that time when it comes to workplace harassment.  One of the secretaries in the steel mill had a sign above her desk that read, “I Don’t Report Sexual Harassment.  I Grade it.”  I kind of love this.  I mean, it puts a spin on the whole thing and (hopefully) let’s people know they need to think hard about their actions… I mean, you’re being graded for goodness sake!   I do believe it can give power to the intended victim.  Simply refuse to take the harassment and instead view yourself as a judge of it.  Give it a C- and let them know, it was a lame attempt.  Let them see that they do not hold power over you.

Seriously, as much as I don’t appreciate someone forcing themselves on another, I think sometimes we just need to talk with each other to help people be aware of what is offensive to us. Yes, some things are pretty common sensical… Don’t kiss a co-worker and force your tongue into her mouth, Mr. Oreskes.

But sometimes the things that bug us aren’t so easy to know.   Most of us aren’t mind readers.  Some of us are not very good body language readers either!  And sometimes people’s actions are completely innocent but still remain offensive.  I think sometimes, before you just run to report something, you should have a conversation to clarify your needs.  For example, if me saying the F-word is offensive, then you need to let me know.  Especially if we’re working in a steel mill where this is standard vocabulary most days.

Yes, this was something that happened to me.  I had two co-workers who reported me to a superior for cursing, never having mentioned it to me beforehand.  [I think it was more a personal attack as many people in the office used colorful language but these two didn’t complain about the other folks…]  I did honor their sensitivity and refrained from cursing in future conversations with them.  But I would have honored their request has they simply spoken up to ask me if I could avoid swearing.  I guess it’s easier to ask someone else to ask me to do that?  OK, this is my point: Can’t we just talk with each other!

Same workplace, same timeframe, different people.  I used to say, “Jesus” or “Oh, God!” at times and I had a couple fellow workers who were strong Orthodox Christians.  They mentioned that this was bothersome and moving forward I made a conscious effort to not use these types of phrases in front of them.  It was a way more friendly way to address the issue and we ended up having much deeper conversations about the whole idea, which enriched all our lives and brought us closer.  I even attended a service at their church!  It was really interesting too.  Isn’t that a better way to deal with this kind of thing?

There are definitely situations where you can’t deal with the person directly, but when you can, I say try it.  If it doesn’t resolve, then you can go up the chain of command. But if it’s something obscure, or something everyone else is doing but it only bothers you when HE does it, I don’t think it’s fair to simply report something without letting the person know what it is that is unacceptable first.  That said, some things are just obviously NOT acceptable.  For example, sticking your tongue in a co-worker’s ear.  [Yes, this happened to me at that same steel mill.  The way it was dealt with was quite interesting too.  But that’s a story for another day.]

So there are a lot of work situations involving harassment, but sexual assault is something that happens in many situations and circumstances.  And I am glad to hear more people talking about what we’ve experienced and how we can work towards better respecting each other in our interactions.

I don’t know what we can do to heal it all and I’m sure it’s different for every person who has been affected by sexual abuse.  I know that my personal story with it is complex.  And while I feel as if I’ve healed, there is always a chance that something remains to be resolved.

Remember that smiling thing I mentioned?  My husband once told me that it might send a wrong message.  And he’s probably right… dare I say especially when it comes to men?  Is it true that a woman smiling at you makes you think she wants you, men?  Like wants to go to bed with you?? I am sure that’s not true 100% of the time.  But unfortunately it’s likely true more than I wish it was.  I’m sure with certain kinds of people, they may think I mean more with a smile than I do.  But all I really mean to say is, “Hey!  Isn’t it great to be alive? I hope you have a happy day!”  Kind of like the human in me reaching out with some happiness to the human in you.  🙂

I know that a smile is not what got me into the sexual assault situation I experienced – at least not the night it happened.  I was with a boyfriend.  He was a few years older than me [which in hindsight was probably not a good decision on my part] and we’d been dating for a few months.  We’d been drinking that night and we were in a house with lots of people who’d been drinking.  But we were in a room alone while most of the others were in an adjacent room.  I won’t go into detail but I will say that I said, “No.”  Multiple times.  He was much bigger than me and he got his way.  Sexual intercourse when you don’t want it is not fun.  I felt like dirt.  The next morning, I couldn’t look at him.  I couldn’t speak to him.  I pretty much couldn’t speak to anyone.  I do recall that we went with a group of friends to a concert later that night.  I wouldn’t look at him or talk with him.  He kept trying to talk with me and I just couldn’t communicate back in any way.  In the middle of the concert, I smacked him across the face.  Hard.  It was the only message I could relay.  Luckily, he didn’t hit me back.  The relationship ended for him in that slap.  It ended the previous evening for me.

I don’t know that I truly processed what it all meant at the time.  I mostly just closed down around the whole thing.  I was a teenager.  I thought I told my parents but it’s been so many years ago now, I’m not sure I can recall correctly.  What I do recall is the exact moment I realized the truth about my reaction to the event.  It had had a bigger effect on me than I was previously able to comprehend.

The realization occurred many years after the date rape.  I was at a new boyfriend’s apartment.  We were disagreeing about something and I decided I was going to go home.  I got up and walked outside and then… I remembered that I hadn’t driven there!  So I started walking up the hill toward my place – about 8 miles away.  It had just started snowing and the boyfriend, who’d  followed me out of the house, now started following me up the hill asking to please let him drive me home.  I was stubborn.  I insisted I could walk home.  In frustration, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, turned me around, and started marching me back down the hill so he could take me home or settle the argument.  And in that moment, I completely lost it.

I literally started screaming.  I came unglued.  In that instant of him taking control to strong arm me into going where he wanted me to go, I had a realization.  I had been telling myself, “Never again will I let that happen.”  I had said it so many times in my head, that I thought it was a given.  In the end, I realized what it truly had always been… a pipe dream.  And that frightened me immensely.

When I screamed, the boyfriend immediately let me go.  He had no idea what was happening.  I was sobbing and walking back the way we’d come, numbly making my way back down the hill.  He quickly followed, trying to ask me what was wrong.  He ran around me and stood in front of me.  I couldn’t speak.  He wrapped his arms around me and told me everything was OK.  He was sorry.  He said we’d fix it.  He hugged me tight and walked me back to his place.

Back in the apartment, the previous argument forgotten, I eventually regained my voice and was able to explain to him what had happened.  He was angry about that other guy.  He asked what he could do but there was really nothing in that moment he could do.  It was something I was going to have to walk through on my own.  Maybe I’m still walking through it.

What I do know is that he was the kind of guy who made sure I knew he loved me.  He was concerned about my feelings.  He wanted to help.  He was never the kind of guy who would force himself on me.  But from that point, he knew to take extra care, to stop if things got squirrelly during sex.  He was patient.  He played a big part of helping me get through my feelings about it all.

My husband is also a kind and patient man.  He knows of my past experience.  He knows how to be aware if I get sketchy – which has only happened a couple times during our relationship and hasn’t happened in a long time at this point.  He knows how to make me feel loved and respected, how to not force his needs if I’m not comfortable.  Basically, he knows how to be a mature, loving man.

I am grateful for these kinds of men.  Those who are thoughtful enough to realize that only when a woman truly wants to be involved with you is it right.  Those who are concerned about how they affect women and are now asking their women friends, “What’s okay?”  {Thanks, Ben!}  And I hope the conversations continue.  Women need to ask men too.  Questions like, “What do you think when a woman smiles at you?”

I know every situation is unique but every time we talk through this, it brings the ideas to our consciousness, and this means we can begin to live more intentionally.  If we keep talking, we can find deeper understanding and act in ways that are loving and acceptable.  We can avoid the discomfort brought on by inappropriate behavior.  And maybe we can even start to solve other interpersonal problems and communication breakdowns.

There’s hope, right?

Let’s keep talking.

Photo credit: Planned Parenthood Action Fund  https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/issues/sexual-assault

Oh, by the way!  My lovely friends Rita Koll and Sylvia Luetmer, along with many brave souls in Alexandria, Minnesota, [including my parents!!] were honored last week with the 2017 Courage Award in Minneapolis.  Congratulations to all you wonderful people!!