Harn Happenings Spring 2018

Well, I guess it’s time for an update from the Harn for the twelve of you who care.

It’s been a busy and full spring this year but we still feel like we’re always behind.  One reason is that we seemed to go from winter to summer overnight this spring.  No cool transition days just clouds and freezing to 75-degree sunshine!!  Winter coats to T-shirts.  Winter boots to Vans.  Another reason was the traveling that started our spring – just had to get down to Indy for some parties – we miss so many people from Indiana days.  Oh, and we both lost a week to “vacation” separately, so that was like losing 4 weeks.

But we’ve still managed to do quite a bit:

• Planted peas, arugula, radish, turnip, rhubarb (a new variety), a dozen raspberry canes, 5 grape vines, 20 trees, peas again, lilacs, primrose, ground cherries, tomatoes, onions, dahlias, native pollinator plants (indigo and prairie smoke), potatoes, and a Sungold tomato.  And that’s just at our place…
• We planted a couple thousand onions (bulbs and starts) at Merry Gardens Farm, rows of herbs, and 1000′ of brassicas ~ cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage.  Plus we diversified the farm this year broadcasting amaranth and dill and planting more flowers to bring good predator insects and pollinators. They have CSAs now!
• Created a Shutterfly book of our first year (really 18 months… from November 2016 to March 2018) at the Harn, full of stories and details.
• Did taxes and completed a seminar on grant writing at Leech Lake Tribal College.
• Figured out how to make flower bombs with Connie and made them with the Rec Lab crew.
• Played a few games of Drain the Swamp.
• Vacuumed about 10,000 Asian beetles – Terrorists!! – from the windows, walls, and ceilings. [We think they are all gone now…  OOPS!  Except in the pump room!! Got them too!]
• Saw Corey Medina and the Brothers a couple times.
• The first robins showed up while I was at Rec Lab and we’ve finally got dandelions in full bloom.  Day lilies are up, and even some Siberian iris.
• Fixed the screen door and gave the porch a thorough sweeping to prepare for more outdoor time there – our favorite room in the house!
• Fixed our garage door.
• Helped with the Shevlin Garden Club Annual Plant Sale and helped pull off the 12th District bi-annual meeting.
• Squeezed in a show at the Quad A / Andria in Alex – Nunsense!
• Dan road tripped back to his dad’s home state for an architectural adventure [best food of the trip was there, as were some cool art and beautiful trails].
• Had Italian International Dinner Night at David’s.
• Cut some firewood for the upcoming years.  Thanks to Randy of Merry Gardens Farm for the loan of the monster chainsaw!
• Played with polymer clay a bit, though I lost some things to the dreaded oven…
• Dumped 13 Humi buckets.  Whew!  We were down by a bucket or two, even considering the weeks off-site this spring.  Once again, an easy job with the system we have in place – see photo here.
• Visited Mom and Tom and sent a BUNCH of cards out to friends and family.
• Read Noble, Ghost Fleet, Blue Nights, Tao Te Ching, Pirate, and Lights Out (watch for an upcoming review).
• Fighting the Highway Department for our trees along the road out front.  Looks like a losing battle…  Such a fucked up country where roads and cars are more important than nature and trees.  I wish we’d start changing things in a big way towards LESS fossil fuel focus.  In the end, I think we’re gonna see that we wasted a lot of money as we collapsed in on the end of the fossil fuel era.
• Watching our friend Ann Marie Ackerman make history with her new book, Death of an Assassin [Ann starts at about 4:30 and, yes, you can hear my friend Jacqueline, her sister, laughing out loud as the video ends, which made me laugh out loud too.  Miss that girl…].
• Read the Swedish War Preparation Manual and feel even less hopeful for our survival here in America.  I mean, we don’t have an emergency preparedness plan/system/website…  FEMA says DHS knows, DHS says DoD knows, DoD says FEMA knows.  Looks like we’re pretty much on our own here.  Go Rugged Individualism!!

But, our rhubarb’s looking good so life is bearable.

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The Extraordinary Healing Power of Ordinary Things

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books

A review of The Extraordinary Healing Power of Ordinary Things: Fourteen Natural Steps to Health and Happiness by Larry Dossey, M.D.

A wonderful read sure to enlighten and inform. Covering topics from Optimism and Risk to Tears and Dirt, a wide range of ideas is shared about how the ordinary things in life can bring healing and happiness to us all.  Written by a medical doctor, this work can be scathing at times in calling out the hostility of modern medicine to accept and respect the mundane. Perhaps it is the ever increasing complexity of medicine that poo-poos the simple.  Nonetheless, simplicity is making a resurgence in many ways… likely the result of the increasing complexity of much of modern life!

Below are are some of the wonderful things I learned.  But note that this is a tip of the iceberg to what is included in this 265-page book (298 pages if you include all the Notes).

Optimism: Optimists get sick less often and live longer than pessimists!!  And people enjoy the company of optimists more than pessimists.  Makes me want to be optimistic ALL the time!!  There are a couple extreme stories of optimism and pessimism leading to life or death after a diagnosis.  But… some can find the unending view of the silver lining annoying.  Funniest quote?  Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915): “A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.”  (I think Dan liked this… or maybe just related well to it!)  He discusses this idea of optimism in much detail, including the downsides of optimism.  One of the critical points made is that optimism can be learned, as can pessimism.  He notes that the learning of pessimism happens “any time we foster social conditions that make it more difficult for people to climb out of poverty, acquire an education, and support their families.”  It’s easy for the privileged to insist in looking on the bright side but for many, it’s easier said than done.

Forgetting: So much ground covered in this chapter!!  The power of a physician “forgetting” the diagnosis from medical records forwarded when giving a second opinion, jurors forgetting the media coverage when determining culpability of a defendant, the sports flub that not being forgotten extinguishes a future successful career.  Dossey also gives tips for preventing age-related memory loss and briefs current research on gene manipulation to improve memory.  Forgetting is critical if we are not to be bogged down by all life’s disappointments and all those little things that happen in the course of being human.  Besides, much of what we think we know is often fiction.

Novelty:  There is no surprise in the idea of new things being fun when you dive into Fechner’s Psychophysical Law, which explains why novelty wears after repeated exposure and pleasure fades over time, even for something extremely exciting on discovery.  I was fascinated how this idea may explain why millionaires require more and more money as they get richer, similar to how addicts require more drugs over time, for the same exhilaration.  Why is there no treatment for money addiction?  Dossey gives many examples and discusses other aspects of novelty: Buckminster Fuller’s idea that we should all change careers every ten years – may not be profitable but we’d sure learn more; mindful eating for better pleasure making each bite “new”; the research showing that neophobes (those who fear new things) die earlier than those who embrace the new.  Interesting was the discussion of how the Psychophysical Law may explain why ideas change too.  Even bigots and haters, who so enjoy their prejudices, can lose interest as they age.  Of course, the opposite can occur… Hitler and Idi Amin simply increased their atrocities over time.

Tears: Dossey discusses the theory of letting babies “cry-it-out” to the history of tears (did you know there is a lachrymatory renaissance in the U.S.?) to how tears for cleansing differ from those caused by emotion.  If you’ve ever felt refreshed after crying, it’s likely because one function of tears is removing toxins from the body.  However, if you have unprovoked laughter or crying, that without any emotional content, it could signal a brain abnormality that you might want to get checked.

Dirt: While I was surprised that he did not cover the microbes in dirt which apparently make us feel happy (they have a similar effect as Prozac to our bodies), he did cover the history of our filth phobia and germ consciousness and how they have led us, in part, to our disposable society and the vocabulary with which some refer to immigrants, i.e., “dirty” Mexicans.  He reminisces about how he and his brother, like others in their community, were urged to play with the kids with chicken pox and the evidence that this likely made immune systems stronger.  Our ideas about dirt may need revision lest we someday have to inject ourselves with bacteria!

Music: A Googling exercise found sex to command 185 million internet listings but music wasn’t far behind, with both having profound effects on human behavior.  Dossey notes that “Crackdowns on music are common wherever repressive regimes are found.” But he also notes the use of music by right-wing extremists to mold minds  like William Pierce, neo-Nazi owner of Resistance Records, a vendor of “hate-core” music.  What institutions fear about music is its “capacity… to point to a reality that transcends the authority of any government or religion.”  Singing has also been found to restore health in some grave situations.  And did you know that humming may relieve sinusitis?  Dossey also provides fascinating forays into the music of DNA, geometry, and nature, as well as how it calms both the surgeon and those with Alzheimer’s disease.

Risk: If you attempt to avoid all risk, you must also forego any opportunity.  And those who warn of risk are often full of hot air.  As Dossey explains, when women entered the workforce, observers (almost all male) noted that “leaving one’s sheltered role… would… put them at risk for health problems.”  But studies showed higher levels of HDL “good” choloesterol, lower levels of LDL “bad” cholesterol, and lower levels of triglycerides as well as better health (for those with positive attitudes toward their jobs).  Of course, there are levels of risk and ways to take risks with planning and forethought as opposed to just jumping the canyon, so to speak.  I think of the times I’ve risked entering into something I wasn’t sure I could do and the exhilaration that follows a successful foray.

Plants: We all know the healing value of plants as many of our medicines are plant derivatives.  However, what about a more emotional connection?  Did you know that some plants are so connected to humans that they will blossom when “their” human dies?  While scientist long ago believed that animals did not feel pain, it is now becoming clear that plants also “feel”.  I find great comfort in talking with my plants and trees and I bet their are many plant people I know who find their plants respond to kindness and caring as well as water and sunlight.

Bugs: A very interesting review of the resurgence of leeches and maggots in health care.  Sometimes the very simple and inexpensive is effective when no matter of costly medical technology can heal…

Unhappiness: Just as we know there are far more ways for a venture to fail than to succeed, there are far more ways for something to turn out bad than for it to be good.  Think about your hotel room for an upcoming vacation… it could be perfectly fine!  But there are a lot of ways in which it might fail to please.  There is an argument that dwelling on the possible unhappiness may prepare a creature for the unexpected.  We often find we are drawn to the accident, the fight, the violence while the normal and everyday is passed over without a second glance.  And, if it weren’t for unhappiness, how would we know happiness?  While finding wisdom can come from an epiphany of enlightenment, it often comes as a result of suffering or unhappiness.

Nothing:  This was perhaps the most needed chapter for me to read.  As a Enneagram 7, I am driven to Doing Something… Anything! But there is much value in doing nothing.  It is often where creativity strikes.  With regard to medicine, sometimes doing nothing is the best approach, rather than offering “solutions” which truly only cause side-effects and offer no real cure.  Often, people outgrow problematic behavior that, if focused on and “treated”, could become a more long-term issue.  Think about the three-year-old who throws a tantrum.  When we attend to them, they learn the value of tantrums.  When we ignore them, they eventually tire of the activity and stop it.  Many spiritual paths focus on silence and stillness, only there will we find pure consciousness, that ultimate state of transformational enlightenment!  As Taoism tells us:

In the pursuit of learning, every day something is acquired.

In the pursuit of the Tao, every day something is dropped.

Less and less is done

Until non-action is achieved.

When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.

This chapter also revealed a quite interesting concept regarding energy debate:

Dossey argues, along these same lines, that prevention is the analog to conservation in medicine and it’s often seen as “boring and unglamourous”.  There is also a nice discussion of how the Big Bang came from Nothing… and Scientists think Mystics are the crazy ones!!

Voices: This chapter gives many examples of hearing voices that result in health or life-saving.  It also discusses where these voices might originate and touches on the idea of consciousness and cellular memory, especially with regard to transplanted organs.  I love this paragraph:

The ancient Greeks would have considered our refusal of the help offered by voices as dangerously arrogant. They would have said that our denial of a Source outside ourselves amounts to hubris.  And they would have predicted our downfall, for that is the punishment the gods reserve for those who adopt such prideful positions.”

Mystery: This chapter gives interesting insight into what made Dossey want to become a doctor – it is the mystery of it all; though he found most of the training failed to address the questions he most wanted answered.  Mystery, or maybe curiosity about the mystery, has been vital to our understanding of health.  And for that matter, anything.  Dossey argues that fundamentalism strives to remove the mystery of religion through the use of rules and dogmas, which I believe may be why it is reducing the interest in religion these days.  Who wants a bunch of rules placed on them?  I think we’d prefer mystery.  And even in science, mystery is the cutting edge.  When we think we have it all figured out (as some scientists clearly do), we lose our edge in progress.  It is in the questioning and uncertainty that we find the next discovery, the next truth.  Dossey notes that “‘Mystery’ is related to the Greek myein… to be quiet, to surrender one’s self-importance.” As such,  Wilderness is a great mystery and perhaps the reason I have been so drawn to moving to the woods.  There is much to discover about life here, including, perhaps, what the purpose of it all might be.

Miracles: Miraculous healings of all kinds are discussed here, along with the incomprehensible rejection of them by many in medicine.  Perhaps if we’d give a bit more curiosity to the spontaneous remissions of cancer and miracles of faith healing, we might discover some methodologies that we could replicate…  There are many in the medical field who have witnessed such things, though few feel comfortable acknowledging them, let alone investigating them.  One thing is clear: “Skeptics” who attack such things as irrational and impossible are not truly skeptics which infers thoughtful inquiring.  Many of these so-called skeptics have long ago made up their mind about these kinds of things – they are simply impossible.  A true skeptic is always open to new insights. Dossey argues that the vehemence with which these people oppose is due to worldview.  Our assumptions about why and how the world works are often held so closely that to question them is to question us.  To suggest our worldview – miracles are impossible – is wrong is equivalent to questioning our sanity.  Dossey notes: “Those who protest miracles are like a man dying of thirst who complains about the temperature of the water he’s offered. You think we’d be more grateful.”  Regardless of how vehemently some will deny them, miracles continue to occur.  Dossey quotes Michael Grosso who notes about Miracles:

“their importance lies in the fact that they foreshadow a revolution in our understanding the structure of human reality itself.”

Even Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life: one is as thought nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.”

As Dossey says, “Miracles will endure, most current theories won’t. … Wilbur and Orville Wright invented the airplane (as) experts considered human flight impossible.  … they flew their plane… even though commuters could look out the windows of the trains and see them doing so, (as) the newspapers they were reading at that very moment decreed that is was completely impossible for a machine heavier than air to fly.”  And today, “While experts assure use that they are impossible, (miracles) keep on happening.”

I have given you some bits and pieces from this work but there is so much more history, detailed examples, and interesting insight to be gained by a reading of your own.  I highly recommend it.

45DD Not just Pulling Out… but also Going Down?

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45

It was interesting to be at Mom’s this last week – with TV!  She, of course, has MSNBC on non-stop so we got to see some interesting correlations with 45DD to Nixon’s years (which husband Dan has been noting for months now).  It’s almost comical, if not a bit scary (mostly to think it could take as long to remove 45 as it did Nixon) to see the comparisons.

While it was slightly entertaining, I’m not sure I understand this need for constant TV News watching. I believe it’s making our country sicker and sicker by the day.  The constant plugging in to the “news” which seems mostly to be a rehashing of sound bites over and over, only entrenches people more firmly in their stances, depending on which channel they watch… it seems almost everything is biased these days.

And TV does not appear to be doing anything to bring about any common sense, common decency, or progress for all Americans.  What does seem to be happening?  Well, racism seems to be getting more and more out of hand and 45DD keeps making progress on his only apparent goal: turning back any and every thing that happened during Obama’s administration, which mostly means giving more and more to the already wealthy and doing more and more harm to our environment.  I’m wondering if what 45 is doing is also basically racism…

The CONSTANT “news” coverage is really insane – how many ways can we talk about 45’s lawyers and who knew what when?  How many ways can they say the same things over and over??  I literally heard a guy on NPR the other day saying something ~ it was about 30 seconds of saying and re-saying the same simple thing that could have been said in about 6 seconds.  It’s maddening!  It’s like we need to fill the space with talky noise.

And now they are spewing some of what 45DD and the war mongers want them to… Dan noted Media are claiming “Iran” fired missiles into Israel (after Israel fired missiles into Syria, of course… Israel is so ironically good at hanging on the cross) when the source of the missile firing has yet to be determined!

I believe moving to the Harn without TV was a REALLY good idea…  We still have NPR and we can watch Trevor Noah, Sam Bee, John Oliver, Seth Meyers – you know, folks who cover more of the real news via satire than the actual “news” anchors – so we can stay kind of up to date.  But we are not sucked into the insane and repetitive 24-hour TV “news” coverage.  [Though we do get sucked into the FB at times… which is a whole other WTF-is-wrong-with-us subject.]

The orange one has his own catastrophes occurring with new facts emerging almost daily about funding that seems damning.  I just keep wondering why all the investigations seem to be taking SO LONG…  And why there still seems to be so little condemning of 45DD in light of everything that is emerging.  As David Letterman put is last week:

On a good note, we did get some North Korean prisoners out – well, someone did.  45DD doesn’t seem to do much except take full credit for EVERYTHING that happens [or will be happening…“We’ll see what happens”…] while mostly spewing nonsense, often unintelligible or unrelated, that only his followers can think is intelligent.  But this was a second “success” for his administration – I think they are going for one/year.  Last year it was Tax Reform, which really mostly helped rich white people but is seen as victory by his poor white followers who mostly will get fucked by it.  This year it’s three guys returning from North Korea.

But the long, slow, slog to failure seems to continue for 45DD.  He pulled out of the Iran deal this past week – which could have grave implications for the US and the rest of the world.  Meanwhile, there are immediate ramifications for others.  For many in the U.S., the only real downside will be higher fuel prices. But the consequences for those closer to Iran geographically could be catastrophic.  It will be interesting to see if the remaining parties to the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA) for Iran will continue to abide by it, thus making the U.S. largely irrelevant.

What you may not be aware of are the losers and winners in the Iran Deal Pullout.  The big loser in the U.S.?  Boeing. Tariffs are looming and this pullout could leave them in the lurch with their aircraft contracts in Iran.   And overseas? Germany.  With many companies in Iran, German leaders are working hard to maintain the agreement with the other parties. And who are the big winners?  Oil companies, China (the world’s #2 largest economy on their way to #1 as they continue to fill the void as we pull out of things), and the biggest winner?  Russia.  About a month ago, for the very first time, Iran awarded a prime oil project to Russia.  So this could very well be another instance of Putin getting exactly what he wants from the administration he is accused of putting in place here in America. [Watch minutes 2-8 of this video to see a layout of the potential winners and losers.]  As is evident in Iran, moderates want the deal to continue.  Thus, 45 has now aligned himself with Iranian hardliners who want to see it scrapped.

[If you are reading closely, you will recognize the above as a reverse shit-sandwich.  Have you ever used this technique – you know, couching some crappy news between two slices of good, or at least not so crappy, news?  Well, there are not enough good news items from this administration so I had to do the opposite kind of sandwich, which is a lot messier.]

And if you are REALLY paying attention, you will recognize the happenings now for their stunning similarity to what happened about a hundred years ago here in America, basically the time between the Great Depression and WWII.

• The US is becoming more and more isolated, which mirrors how we reacted following WWI and prior to WWII – largely turning inward and staying as uninvolved as possible globally.
• The talk of tariffs is reminiscent of actions taken just as the Great Depression began.  In an attempt to protect American jobs, the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill was passed, which ended up exacerbating the Great Depression.
• A repealing of Dodd-Frank deregulates the banks, which could lead to another financial crisis as some predict the partial repeal of Glass-Steagall  (implemented in 1933 and partially rescinded in 1999) did in 2008.
• And most recently, 45 is looking to rescind the child labor laws, which is ironic in that unemployment is still something in need of remedy.  It was during the Great Depression that we saw major reforms in taking children out of the workforce, as so many jobs were needed for adults.

Speaking of jobs, we can surely not count on 45DD to implement anything like the New Deal or the Civilian Conservation Corps – for all the good they did to stabilize the country and deal with the effects of the Great Depression, Republicans still can’t admit to them being good things.  What we can count on is that 45’s continual “pulling out” is telling the world, “Agreements you make with us aren’t worth the paper on which they are written.”  [Of course I know he could never talk like this!!  His grammar is atrocious!]  And what we can hope to avoid is World War III.  We’ll see what happens!

In actuality, we look much like 1930’s Germany… Hitler reference fully intended.  [Yes, many times this has been abused but it’s more and more apt for 45DD.]  The Anne Frank Center for Mutual Respect laid this out plainly in a 2017 tweet ~ how ironic!

[Big thanks to hubby Dan for all his history knowledge that wrapped up this week’s blog.]

And finally, with a throwback to Dan’s home state…45 took a little road trip to Elkhart, Indiana last week too, where he told the crowd, “America is Respected Again.”  Uh, not sure what universe he is living in but it seems we are losing respect more and more around the world as is evidenced nicely in this succinct video from the UK.  His message is attractive in Indiana.  Dan and I have noted to many here in Minnesota (and I have noted in this blog) that one reason we moved from Indiana is that they seem to be marching back to the 1950’s (1850s if they can).  But as the Democratic Mayor of South Bend put it:

“Trying to turn the clock back socially, economically and racially to the ’50s, that’s attractive to some people. But the alternative is to move to the future.”

Let’s hope we keep moving forward, not back.

Perhaps the natural disaster in Hawaii will yield some relief for us.

Rec Lab 2018

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fun, Rec Lab

Another Rec Lab has come and gone and it was again, full of fun and lovely people, most of whom I only get to see once a year but who I love dearly.  The amazing thing this year was the cohesiveness of the entirety of Rec Lab.

Typically we have a Discussion Leader that talks about one thing, a Monday Night Celebration that is usually a theme of a different sort, and Fireside evening programs which are quite diverse as well.  But this year was somewhat magical in the way that Discussion Leader Connie Nunemaker’s talks, focused on Gardening and including our friends the pollinators, was carried through in the Monday Night Flower Power celebration and the Fireside talks which had a number of links to butterflies and stories from the beautiful garden of life.  Even the donated items for the Fundraising Auction were linked in many ways to gardens with plants and floral handmade items.

And Tea Time was fantastic with its garden theme.  Barb Benson outdid herself with an organized, well-planned, and beautiful set-up for each afternoon’s refreshments.  She included a focus on sustainability that I really loved: For every time you brought your own mug, you got an entry into the drawing – for one of her husband Jewitt’s artistic cards.  [And there must have been a lot of us participating since I didn’t win once! ;-)]  I am hopeful that Barb’s efforts will continue to guide the Tea Time committee well into the future… until someone comes up with an even better way of doing things, once again.

I was so happy that Connie Nunemaker agreed to speak for Rec Lab as she was a delight and a thrill for many who gushed about how much they enjoyed the Discussion.  She truly had something for everyone.  From soil science to flower bombs, the language of flowers to free plants for your garden, she led informative talks where everyone learned a little something.  One of the more interesting points was about rainfall and how one of the reasons it greens everything up is because, as rain falls, it gathers nitrogen from the air (which is about 80% nitrogen and 20% oxygen) and puts it into the soil.  Nitrogen is what makes plants greener.  So after a rainfall, everything looks to have greened up significantly for good reason!

But as is the case with any large event, there were shortcomings.  And these are a chance for us to learn, though I sometimes wish that I could learn more easily.

What I learned through my failures this year is that, instead of working on how to proactively prevent issues, I should focus on how to reactively deal with what I foresee as potential problems – though this year I failed on both counts for the main concern I had.  Maybe that’s why I got to hear from those hurt most in the debacle.  It’s a penance I’m willing to pay though I wish I’d had the foresight to prevent the issues in the first place.

I struggle with the concept of letting things happen as they will… simply “learning from them for next time”.  Some may feel that it is only through failing that we learn… or maybe that we learn best through failure.  I can agree with the latter but not the former.

My dad often said, “Experience is a dear school.  A fool will learn by no other.”  Perhaps it is because I heard this so often that I am the way I am… constantly looking to make things better, constantly evaluating and dreaming of the next best iteration, always looking for the group to discuss ideas in hopes that, together, we can avoid pitfalls and find our best success.

I’ve seen many groups come up with amazing solutions… things one person alone would have never developed so quickly.  I have always thought that was the purpose of a Board ~ to develop ideas as a group, to keep each other on task and on target, to assure we are moving forward as a full team for our best effort.  I’ve helped many groups, often with non-aligned end goals to find win-win solutions so I know it can work.  It was one of my favorite things to do as an engineer in the steel industry.  Perhaps it’s just that I lack the skillset to do that like I once could.  Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s Minnesota.

A friend recently shared with me, “Board work can be soul sucking.”  I can see through my experience on many boards that this is often true.  I have seen success stories and had many good experiences, but it seems that it’s often some of the most trying work I’ve done.  Maybe it’s because it’s voluntary work!

But I believe it’s more because I care too much.  Dan told me as I struggled this year:

Very few are capable of going ALL IN like you do. Many have fears that hold them back from a full commitment to something. Most Americans worry more about their own image.  When we let that go then we become empowered to truly help others.  You have a gift and the freedom to share that.  This scares those who cannot understand it.

Maybe.  In discussions prior to the spring Board meeting I had the encouragement of multiple Board members in bringing up my topic of concern.  However, when I brought the idea to the floor, I stood alone.  I was immediately accused of “stepping on the toes” of another committee.  I guess I thought we were all on the same team!  Instead of being seen as an idea to discuss as a Board, my idea was seen as an attack on multiple fronts.  And instead of fighting for it, I just let it die.  Being off-site for the meetings doesn’t allow as much personal interaction or reading of body language in the room.  Perhaps this is part of the reason I seem to lack the capability I once had in business, and even on other Boards.

And I do jump ALL IN.  But I’m finally learning that it just isn’t worth beating my head against the rock.  [It always seems to take me longer than others to learn this… I’m pretty tenacious.  Or maybe just not so smart…]

Another friend recently advised, “When you feel like you’re caring too much, think to yourself, how much will this matter in five years.”  I’ve revised this down to five months or even five weeks.  And sometimes, it’s only five days to realize that most of life is really irrelevant in the grand scheme.  In reality, it’s all just an experience here on Earth.

I believe I am finally at a place where I can let go this year, my last as a Rec Lab Board Member, and fully enjoy the event without becoming consumed with trying to assure we’re thinking of everything, avoiding all the pitfalls, making everything awesome!  I am doing well so far to not need to correct any typos in the minutes, to not need to address any actions during the meetings, to not feel a need to put in my two cents.  OK.  Let me be honest.   I FEEL the need to do these things.  I’m just deciding to not do them.  I’m letting things be as they are.  My input is not required.  Nothing is really critical enough to necessitate my involvement.  It’s an idea I contemplate frequently these days.

And I am hopeful that, at next year’s Rec Lab, I will not be a detriment to my friends and roommates – who BTW did a wonderful job of encouraging me and helping me through this year as I struggled.  I thank them for their caring compassion.  It meant the world.

For Rec Lab 2019, all I need to do is assure that the Art Show is prepped for displaying the created works next May.  [Sorry, Laura, I’m taking the easy gig this year!!  Though Discussion turned out to be pretty easy too so I hope you enjoy it instead.]

And there were plenty of things for which to be grateful and proud.

• Watching the fun at Monday’s celebration unfold was hilarious!!  All those women with low hanging balls!  And seeing the creativity of costumes was wonderful.
• Watching as so many people took time to care for others ~ helping them learn, sharing experience, and being creative ~ was inspiring.
• Hearing the Fireside stories was heartwarming, funny, and challenging.  Tina shared a story about assuring you don’t live life too quickly and instead enjoy the moments, even the tough ones, as they are often the ones that bring you closer to each other.

I guess my painful moments gave me a chance to let others care for me and I am so grateful that they were there for me.  And it allowed others to give me insights that helped me see where I need to go from here.  Though some of those insights were painful, they turned out to be the most informative and helpful.

It’s hard for me to take a back seat and “not care” (as I put it).  As with any experience, I am hopeful that the growing pains will bring good lessons that lead to improvement.  And, in all reality, most of the downfalls were not enough to ruin what is, by and large, a wonderful event at a happy place.

Here are some of my favorite things…

Redneck Life with Laura Burlis, Ann Hippensteel, and Jill Featherwolf (thanks, Jill!); my polymer clay time; June’s collaborative switch plate (this is the heart of Rec Lab to me – working together to create something beautiful); my upcycled thrift shop finds ($4); Tracy Gulliver’s “star” talk (love it when a first year attendee jumps right in to participate!); Laura, me & Lutz ~ Hippy Time;  Mother Nature – Connie Nunemaker (this year’s Discussion Leader); more of my polymer clay and Jill’s Owl – love him!; and me – Happy (jacket before photo).

I also loved Laura Burlis’ Glacier Trip presentation – FABULOUS!!  Another example of why we shouldn’t rush through things… she spent almost an hour on this – AFTER Fireside – and had a HUGE audience.  And my most favorite time is Art Show where we can see all the wonderful work from our week together.  Here’s a video.