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What a whirlwind many of us have been through this past week with the Kavanaugh case.  It’s a roller coaster of emotions for many of us.  I have run the gamut.  And I have realized much about myself and others through this process.  Much thanks goes to my good friend who texted me about this whole mess late Saturday night.  It is she who has brought my perspective back into one that feels most familiar and compassionate.

But before I get to the compassionate part, I have to talk about the bullshit part.  One, because I think we need to establish truth and two, because there is a LOT of humor being generated off this situation.  [Yes, I am a horrible person.]

First, I have to say that lying is my least favorite thing.  Ask my kid.  He could pretty much do anything, and as long as he was honest about it, he’d not get in too much trouble.  But if he lied? There was holy hell to pay.  So, because I hate lying so much, I find it quite comical when someone is revealed in their dishonesty, and I must say, especially when that someone is trying SO HARD to convince the nation that his horrible behavior never happened and that he is, in fact, a complete innocent.  Did you see how he jumped up to take his oath?  It was like watching a performance of Shirley Temple jumping to attention to salute!

So one of the things that came up in a Kavanaugh-yearbook-photoreview of Brett’s HS yearbook entry was a question about the Devil’s Triangle.  As you may or may not know, a Devil’s Triangle is “a threesome with 1 woman and 2 men. It is important to remember that straight men do not make eye contact while in the act. Doing so will question their sexuality.”  Well, after Thursday’s hearing, there are a whole bunch of NEW definitions added to Urban Dictionary.  Here are some of my favorite entries. For each definition, there is the definition and then an example of use.  [Note, the links are also full of humor but watch out as they can be rabbit holes…]

Devil’s Triangle
A drinking game invented by Brett Kavanaugh during the time he was running for the supreme court and lying through his ass to the Senate.
It involves three cups in a triangle. It’s a quarters game.
You knowdevil’s triangle. Totally not a sex thing.”
And for more detail on the specific testimony…
drinking game involving quarters and three beers where you and your friend Mark Judge sexually assault a woman. Popular with high school kids in the early 80’s, particularly in the D.C. area.
S: Devil’s triangle?
K:Drinking game 
S: How’s it played?
K: Three glasses… In a triangle
S: and? 
K: You ever played quarters?
S: No.
K: Okay… It’s a quarters game.
Devil’s Triangle
A threesome involving 2 men and 1 woman. Generally one man on each side of the woman who high five after achieving climax, creating a “triangle” type figure.
Or, for Brett Kavanaugh, a drinking game with 3 beers placed in a triangle that utilizes quarters.
Bro, that devil’s triangle was crazy last night! I think our quarters might’ve accidentally touched.
Perhaps the most damning…
Devils Triangle
drinking game where you get a girl too drunk to consent (and hopefully to resist) to having sex with you and a buddy at the same time. Eye contact is to be avoided to provide plausible deniability to your sexual orientation and any other questions that may come up about the event in the future.
Some of Brett’s favorite drinking games include Devils Triangle and Quarters.
And the most for real…
Devils triangle
A pretend drinking game made up on 9/27/18 by “Honorable” Brett Kavanaughwhen faced with credible allegations of sexual assault put forward by no less than four (so far) women. Devils triangle is a threesome with two men and one woman, not a drinking game like Quarters, as Kavanope would like everyone to believe. Devils triangle can also be defined as a lie told under perjury when a belligerent white male feels cornered when confronted with his own disgusting behavior, most likely with the blessing of a patriarchal and mysogynistic system.
Devils triangle is a game like Quarters, except its nothing like Quarters and its actually code for a sexual threesome. Please believe me I have told myself these lies so many times I am beginning to believe them. Help I’m a scared white male!” –Brett Kavanaugh, Supreme Court Hearings
“Can you believe the Devils Triangle that that guy just offered under oath?! It’s obvious he’s lying and no sane person would believe this ridiculousness…” –a sane person with common sense, right before a whole bunch of self-serving, corrupt, and close-minded politicians stood by the lie
Note that I’ve not even gone down the Boofing trail…  How stupid do you think we all are, Brett?  Of course, the old white boys on the Right will buy your truckload of bullshit every day of the week! Lucky you!
In addition to the lying, I had issue simply watching him come in and prepare the desk for his testimony. Totally anal.  He’s definitely got issues.
Watching the testimony showed me how immature Brett is and made clear to me that he was a liar.  As just one example, at 1:27:23 in this video, Senator Whitehouse begins questioning on Kavanaugh’s yearbook transcript to determine the meaning of the words he used in it. The questioning shows him go from serious answering (1:28) to becoming incredibly belligerent at 1:29:50 – “I like beer… Do you like beer, Senator? What do you like to drink? Senator, what do you like to drink?”  He sounds like a high school senior trying to defend himself against accusations of him still being a virgin.  Oh, wait, Brett said he WAS still a virgin in high school…  Hmmm. Maybe.  But I’m guessing not for a lack of trying.  Maybe if he’d not been such a drunk he’d have been able to, I don’t know, thoughtfully and respectfully engage with a woman who might find him attractive enough to wish to engage in coitus?
Based on his “responses” (mostly simply dodging the questions) for Whitehouse and Klobuchar, I can’t see HOW ON EARTH this guy is qualified to be a Supreme Court Justice.  He is an immature, angry, belligerent man-child – thank you America Ferrera!  Clearly, this is what FEAR looks like.
And speaking of fear, I also must talk about the cowardly way the Republicans dealt with the entire day Thursday.  MitchellThey hid behind Mitchell refusing to even ask their own questions of Ford.  I’m not sure of their reasoning in asking another woman to question Ford but I’m guessing it had something to do with not wanting to be seen as attacking her.  As is often typical of white men, in trying to appear like they are helping, they once again come off as disrespectful and sexist.   I don’t think she was hired only to question Ford but she didn’t get too far with Kavanaugh…
Brett’s answers to her initial questions, including about passing out and not remembering things, were ridiculous.  EVERYONE who drank in high school knows, especially if you sometimes drank to excess, that there are ALWAYS times that you don’t remember.  NO ONE has a perfect memory.  And alcohol is REALLY GOOD, especially if you’re in the danger zone on that chart Brett mentioned at making you a non-functioning human who truly doesn’t remember events. You know, the one that tells you how many beers is too many?  This answer alone, that he remembers “everything”, should confirm that he is a tremendous serial liar.  Of course for anyone under 50 [so, none of those mostly white people in the Senate seats], a quick google search confirmed that for you during the Whitehouse questioning on his yearbook quotes…
Ms. Mitchell (1:14 in this video) noted to Brett that this alleged act would be investigated by Maryland Law enforcement if a victim filed a complaint… even to this day.  And he agreed this is fact.  No wonder he is afraid!!  But perhaps he has nothing to fear.  Maryland’s Governor Hogan says their law enforcement will not get involved, likely cementing a win for his Democratic opponent in November, Ben Jealous.
But Ms. Mitchell’s time was up (ironic, no?) when she got to specific questions on Kavanaugh’s creepy calendars.  She was treading quite close to getting into something that might have given us more insight.  The Republicans had hired a professional prosecutor to get to the truth… but apparently only with Ford.  When her questions got a bit too in depth with Brett, all the sudden,  Republicans decided they CAN ask questions themselves!!  Hallelujiah!  It’s a miracle.  Are they seriously this scared of women that they can’t even ask her their questions?  Colin Jost on SNL noted that if they can’t ask questions during a Senate Hearing, then maybe they shouldn’t be Senators.  Also, as Grassley hands things over to Feinstein and she starts to introduce Fotd, you can see Grassley again trying to dig out of a misogyny hole by acting like a sexist asshole.
At 1:33:50 in the video Cornyn lays it out for us all.
CORNYN: So this is not a job interview. You’ve been accused of a crime. If you have lied to the committee and the investigators, that is a crime in and of itself, correct?
KAVANAUGH: That is correct.
CORNYN: So in order to vote against your nomination, we would have to conclude that you are a serial liar.
Yep.  That’s pretty much my conclusion and you fucks voted to push his nomination forward anyway.  Do you have ANY IDEA how this implicates you?  Or is your white privilege so embedded that you truly believe you are untouchable?  Yes, that is the only conclusion I believe I can draw.
I believe SNL captured it completely.  Seriously.  Watch it again.  It’s even better the next time…
OK, but we must return to compassion.  So my friend texted me Saturday evening and we were excitedly discussing how it looks like Kavanaugh is going down, that he will NOT be confirmed to the SCOTUS.  I said we could have a party and “talk shit about that crying baby.” Yes, I was a bit reminiscent of the high school idiot that Kavanagh showed himself to be in his hearing…  Unfeeling, unempathetic, assinine, self-congratulatory.
In the morning, I got from her: “Woke up reminded we are all one. I don’t like that I lacked compassion for another human being, Kavanaugh. The universe knows what is in the highest good of all. May what is in the highest good of all be what occurs.”  And I had to agree: “Aw. You are correct. But it sure feels ugly knowing there is a part of what he is in me! There is a piece of me that knows he is probably hurting. I was thinking this morning that his anger is probably covering his HUGE fear that we are all about to find out his ugly truth. That is a scary place. I hope he realizes that coming clean is a way more positive path. And the one that leads to us most quickly seeing his humanity and thus finding forgiveness possible. The best outcome would be for him and Ford to find peace. And it would be best for all of us to see that restorative justice.”
This is how humane, compassionate, mature people respond to bad behavior.
Though I must admit, I’ve enjoyed the anger and righteousness I’ve been sitting in for the last few days.  There has been much in the Senate hearings to justify anger and righteousness on behalf of women.  But still, I see this as a part of what’s wrong inside me.  Maybe it’s just the process I have to live to find my way forward.

I do often ask, “What is WRONG with people!?!?” We saw a posting at the gas station the other day about an older white couple who are suspected of human trafficking and I was like, “What is WRONG with these people??  What makes you think this behavior is OK??”

Most recently, I have been asking “what is wrong with people?” as I listen to Ford’s account of her sexual assault by Kavanaugh and Judge.  Yes, AND Judge.  He was there.  He was egging on the behavior.  He did nothing to stop it.  He is complicit.  Perhaps this is part of why he had such a horrible drinking problem.  Alcohol is widely used as an antidote to remembering… Problem is, it doesn’t change the truth.  The horrible facts remain, even when we “have no memory” of an incident.

I do believe taking personal accountability for the truth is the way to freedom.  And forgiveness.  If Kavanaugh truly wants redemption, he can come clean.  He can make amends, in whatever way that might occur, and perhaps even his wife and children will be able to forgive him.  But for now, he remains scared and angry.  And I know how that can feel.

I don’t know if there is hope for him spiritually.  But I fear there is a good chance he will be voted in as a SC Justice.  I’ve asked all survivors call the four potential swing Senators and let them know how you feel.  Tell them to vote NO on Kavanaugh.  He is unfit for SCOTUS.  Republicans can do better.  If those two women could have that much influence on Flake with their elevator pitch, imagine what 250,000 of us calling into these four offices to tell them how we feel can have.  Those numbers are hard to ignore whether or not they are your constituents.  They only need to lose two votes.  Call all four and two of them may join us in opposing putting an angry man-child onto the Supreme Court.

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Time’s up, motherfuckers.