How are we to act?

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communication, Women

A male friend on FB recently posted this: “Ladies, when I’m walking by you on a street, or in a hallway, what is your preferred protocol? Eye contact? Avoid? Smile or no smile? Etc..”

I replied:

I always like eye contact and a smile. But I believe there is sometimes the truth of intention that sneaks out… so if you’re feeling something inappropriate in the contact, keep it cool.  They say if you look down, you’re invisible.  Maybe try looking invisible if you’re up to no good.  But you’d never be up to no good, eh?

I just think smiling at everyone with an intention of sharing happiness is the way to go.  I am constantly smiling at people – maybe they think I’m crazy… but sometimes I get a smile back that lets me know it was a good decision.  I think there are many of us who feel alone and sometimes a smile from a stranger can give us a feeling of belonging, even for just a moment.

It seems every day we hear of another sexual harassment perpetrator.  People are coming out of the woodwork with stories. And perps are admitting their faults!  It’s becoming a topic that we’re all discussing and I am hopeful that this communication will lead to a better understanding for us all.

Sometimes there is confusion about what constitutes harassment and I think this is worth discussing.  Here’s why.

I spent 23 years in the steel industry and saw quite a lot in that time when it comes to workplace harassment.  One of the secretaries in the steel mill had a sign above her desk that read, “I Don’t Report Sexual Harassment.  I Grade it.”  I kind of love this.  I mean, it puts a spin on the whole thing and (hopefully) let’s people know they need to think hard about their actions… I mean, you’re being graded for goodness sake!   I do believe it can give power to the intended victim.  Simply refuse to take the harassment and instead view yourself as a judge of it.  Give it a C- and let them know, it was a lame attempt.  Let them see that they do not hold power over you.

Seriously, as much as I don’t appreciate someone forcing themselves on another, I think sometimes we just need to talk with each other to help people be aware of what is offensive to us. Yes, some things are pretty common sensical… Don’t kiss a co-worker and force your tongue into her mouth, Mr. Oreskes.

But sometimes the things that bug us aren’t so easy to know.   Most of us aren’t mind readers.  Some of us are not very good body language readers either!  And sometimes people’s actions are completely innocent but still remain offensive.  I think sometimes, before you just run to report something, you should have a conversation to clarify your needs.  For example, if me saying the F-word is offensive, then you need to let me know.  Especially if we’re working in a steel mill where this is standard vocabulary most days.

Yes, this was something that happened to me.  I had two co-workers who reported me to a superior for cursing, never having mentioned it to me beforehand.  [I think it was more a personal attack as many people in the office used colorful language but these two didn’t complain about the other folks…]  I did honor their sensitivity and refrained from cursing in future conversations with them.  But I would have honored their request has they simply spoken up to ask me if I could avoid swearing.  I guess it’s easier to ask someone else to ask me to do that?  OK, this is my point: Can’t we just talk with each other!

Same workplace, same timeframe, different people.  I used to say, “Jesus” or “Oh, God!” at times and I had a couple fellow workers who were strong Orthodox Christians.  They mentioned that this was bothersome and moving forward I made a conscious effort to not use these types of phrases in front of them.  It was a way more friendly way to address the issue and we ended up having much deeper conversations about the whole idea, which enriched all our lives and brought us closer.  I even attended a service at their church!  It was really interesting too.  Isn’t that a better way to deal with this kind of thing?

There are definitely situations where you can’t deal with the person directly, but when you can, I say try it.  If it doesn’t resolve, then you can go up the chain of command. But if it’s something obscure, or something everyone else is doing but it only bothers you when HE does it, I don’t think it’s fair to simply report something without letting the person know what it is that is unacceptable first.  That said, some things are just obviously NOT acceptable.  For example, sticking your tongue in a co-worker’s ear.  [Yes, this happened to me at that same steel mill.  The way it was dealt with was quite interesting too.  But that’s a story for another day.]

So there are a lot of work situations involving harassment, but sexual assault is something that happens in many situations and circumstances.  And I am glad to hear more people talking about what we’ve experienced and how we can work towards better respecting each other in our interactions.

I don’t know what we can do to heal it all and I’m sure it’s different for every person who has been affected by sexual abuse.  I know that my personal story with it is complex.  And while I feel as if I’ve healed, there is always a chance that something remains to be resolved.

Remember that smiling thing I mentioned?  My husband once told me that it might send a wrong message.  And he’s probably right… dare I say especially when it comes to men?  Is it true that a woman smiling at you makes you think she wants you, men?  Like wants to go to bed with you?? I am sure that’s not true 100% of the time.  But unfortunately it’s likely true more than I wish it was.  I’m sure with certain kinds of people, they may think I mean more with a smile than I do.  But all I really mean to say is, “Hey!  Isn’t it great to be alive? I hope you have a happy day!”  Kind of like the human in me reaching out with some happiness to the human in you.  🙂

I know that a smile is not what got me into the sexual assault situation I experienced – at least not the night it happened.  I was with a boyfriend.  He was a few years older than me [which in hindsight was probably not a good decision on my part] and we’d been dating for a few months.  We’d been drinking that night and we were in a house with lots of people who’d been drinking.  But we were in a room alone while most of the others were in an adjacent room.  I won’t go into detail but I will say that I said, “No.”  Multiple times.  He was much bigger than me and he got his way.  Sexual intercourse when you don’t want it is not fun.  I felt like dirt.  The next morning, I couldn’t look at him.  I couldn’t speak to him.  I pretty much couldn’t speak to anyone.  I do recall that we went with a group of friends to a concert later that night.  I wouldn’t look at him or talk with him.  He kept trying to talk with me and I just couldn’t communicate back in any way.  In the middle of the concert, I smacked him across the face.  Hard.  It was the only message I could relay.  Luckily, he didn’t hit me back.  The relationship ended for him in that slap.  It ended the previous evening for me.

I don’t know that I truly processed what it all meant at the time.  I mostly just closed down around the whole thing.  I was a teenager.  I thought I told my parents but it’s been so many years ago now, I’m not sure I can recall correctly.  What I do recall is the exact moment I realized the truth about my reaction to the event.  It had had a bigger effect on me than I was previously able to comprehend.

The realization occurred many years after the date rape.  I was at a new boyfriend’s apartment.  We were disagreeing about something and I decided I was going to go home.  I got up and walked outside and then… I remembered that I hadn’t driven there!  So I started walking up the hill toward my place – about 8 miles away.  It had just started snowing and the boyfriend, who’d  followed me out of the house, now started following me up the hill asking to please let him drive me home.  I was stubborn.  I insisted I could walk home.  In frustration, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, turned me around, and started marching me back down the hill so he could take me home or settle the argument.  And in that moment, I completely lost it.

I literally started screaming.  I came unglued.  In that instant of him taking control to strong arm me into going where he wanted me to go, I had a realization.  I had been telling myself, “Never again will I let that happen.”  I had said it so many times in my head, that I thought it was a given.  In the end, I realized what it truly had always been… a pipe dream.  And that frightened me immensely.

When I screamed, the boyfriend immediately let me go.  He had no idea what was happening.  I was sobbing and walking back the way we’d come, numbly making my way back down the hill.  He quickly followed, trying to ask me what was wrong.  He ran around me and stood in front of me.  I couldn’t speak.  He wrapped his arms around me and told me everything was OK.  He was sorry.  He said we’d fix it.  He hugged me tight and walked me back to his place.

Back in the apartment, the previous argument forgotten, I eventually regained my voice and was able to explain to him what had happened.  He was angry about that other guy.  He asked what he could do but there was really nothing in that moment he could do.  It was something I was going to have to walk through on my own.  Maybe I’m still walking through it.

What I do know is that he was the kind of guy who made sure I knew he loved me.  He was concerned about my feelings.  He wanted to help.  He was never the kind of guy who would force himself on me.  But from that point, he knew to take extra care, to stop if things got squirrelly during sex.  He was patient.  He played a big part of helping me get through my feelings about it all.

My husband is also a kind and patient man.  He knows of my past experience.  He knows how to be aware if I get sketchy – which has only happened a couple times during our relationship and hasn’t happened in a long time at this point.  He knows how to make me feel loved and respected, how to not force his needs if I’m not comfortable.  Basically, he knows how to be a mature, loving man.

I am grateful for these kinds of men.  Those who are thoughtful enough to realize that only when a woman truly wants to be involved with you is it right.  Those who are concerned about how they affect women and are now asking their women friends, “What’s okay?”  {Thanks, Ben!}  And I hope the conversations continue.  Women need to ask men too.  Questions like, “What do you think when a woman smiles at you?”

I know every situation is unique but every time we talk through this, it brings the ideas to our consciousness, and this means we can begin to live more intentionally.  If we keep talking, we can find deeper understanding and act in ways that are loving and acceptable.  We can avoid the discomfort brought on by inappropriate behavior.  And maybe we can even start to solve other interpersonal problems and communication breakdowns.

There’s hope, right?

Let’s keep talking.

Photo credit: Planned Parenthood Action Fund  https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/issues/sexual-assault

Oh, by the way!  My lovely friends Rita Koll and Sylvia Luetmer, along with many brave souls in Alexandria, Minnesota, [including my parents!!] were honored last week with the 2017 Courage Award in Minneapolis.  Congratulations to all you wonderful people!!

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Hostelling Fun

I knew I would love spending time as the Mississippi Headwaters Hostel’s Guest Services Associate.  What a fun place to hang out!  I love all the people I’m meeting!  Interacting with such a wide variety of guests has been such fun.  And I think they like me too. 😉

So far I’ve met several people who are doing the Bike Across America thing – riding from Seattle (or some West Coast point of origin) to Bar Harbor (or some East Coast endpoint).  I even had a pair of guests recently who met at a local pub, realized they were both riding these long journeys, and were both headed to the Hostel  One called in a reservation and the other booked online (www.hiusa.org).  But they weren’t doing quite the same ride.  You see one was doing East Coast to West Coast while the other was actually doing a Ride AROUND America – taking the perimeter of the country from California down through Texas and back up and around the North Side and around the corner in Washington and back to California.  Whew!!

I’ve had families large and small and big (or small) groups who rent the entire Hostel.

We have 31 beds and I’ve yet see a group fill all the beds but I’ve had several large groups of teens and a great group of environmental folks who warmly welcomed me into their group activities.  We had a power outage during their stay… luckily on the night they planned to grill outside!  Thankfully, they invited me and Dan to dinner (he’d come down to check on me since we had no means of communication with the storm).  The rain passed quickly and they were able to create a feast that was enjoyed in the summer evening. And was it tasty!  They had a professional chef in their midst and we ate well that night.  It was a lot of fun dealing with the lack of water and power and they rolled with it like a bunch of camping pros.  The big joke was throwing the paper plates into the fire as we yelled, “Doing the dishes!”  They left me a beautiful thank you sign when they left and I feel like I made a bunch of new friends that weekend.

And speaking of Foodies, one weekend we had a family who cooked most of their meals on the campfire – or at the campfire on a camp stove – except for the French crepes they made that last morning of their stay.  We also had a pair of ladies there who shared all their good food, as did I, bringing in fresh squash from Merry Gardens Farm to cook up for the whole crew.  This was lucky for one couple who’d come to the Hostel without any food – they had such a feast!  And we had a father son & friends do some fishing and they prepared a beautiful Crappie for dinner.  The final evening of their stay, we grilled burgers and shared pickles and squash and berries and bananas, along with homemade granola and ice cream.  This gang, along with a solo older gent – we’ll just call him Santa Jimmy – had spent the afternoon at the Harn with Dan and me chatting away the rainy day on the porch.  It was fascinating conversation.

 

Families are fun whether they have younger children or are all grown up.  I had a hoot of a group recently – Mom and Dad and four grown boys (some of whom were retired) – that was so kind they brought me back a sweet roll from their breakfast visit at the Douglas Lodge!  The people who hostel are SO NICE!

I’ve really enjoyed finding the commonalities of our lives as I interact with guests from the various groups.  It’s especially fun to tell stories and share jokes.  Life is full of fun times and interesting experiences and perspectives and it’s a joy to listen to theirs and share my own.  I’ve learned of some great places to put on my bucket list and have shared stories of what Dan and I are doing here at the Harn.  I’ve listened to travel stories about Minnesota and around the world.

I think I especially enjoy the times when I find real connection.  Whether it’s a guest that also has Celiac and shares some of her Chocolate Cobbler or a fellow poet that shares some of her ideas and experiences, I love feeling like I’m at home with a bunch of family and friends.  You find a real intimacy as people open up around the fire and there’s something that seems so normal to see someone you barely know in their jammies in the kitchen as they fry an egg or have a late night snack.  Only at the Hostel…

If you want to come try some of the fun at the Mississippi Headwaters Hostel, you can make arrangements for a stay with us at hiusa.org.  Or call direct to make a reservation: 218-266-3415 ~  Office Hours are 8-10 AM and 5-10 PM.

Glacier National Park, Oh My!

I have been so stoked about this adventure to Glacier National Park.  A friend of mine, Laura Burlis, was selected to be their Artist in Residence for the month of July.

I am so proud of her.  Of course, I think she is amazingly talented and am so glad to have learned as much as I have from her as I’ve learned to work with Polymer Clay.

Since the use of a car is pretty necessary in a park as large as Glacier, Laura was hoping for someone to drive out with her on the long drive west.  I was immediately up for it though I wondered how I’d make the time!  [Did I mention that I thought Glacier was in Alaska?]  Once I realized it was only in Montana, she couldn’t beg me not to go.  The plan was hatched for Laura, me, and her sister Jenny (love her too) to road trip to the park.  Yahoo!

We also planned a stop at Little Bighorn where there was some possible historical family significance.  I was intrigued to hear the whole story.  We met up in Moorhead where Dan dropped me with Laura and Jenny.  He was scheduled to pick me up in Detroit Lakes at the Amtrak a week later.

We ended up staying in both Glendive and Big Timber on our way to Glacier and, along the way, we hit both the Custer House and Little Bighorn Battlefield.  I do recommend the Astoria Hotel in Glendive – very reminiscent of the Hampton Inns I stayed in during working days.  The family that owns it is super friendly and nice.  They have wonderful beds. http://www.stayastoria.com/   Big Timber found us in an AirBnB (https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/13605836?location=Big%20Timber%2C%20MT%2C%20United%20States&s=JzW6Ar-F)  Adam was awesome friendly and offered to bring us breakfast but we were happy with the food he had available in the fridge – made eggs and waffles with coffee.  The beds were comfy, even the air mattress bed I had, and we had amazing fireworks for hours, it being 4th of July.  Apparently EVERYONE does their own fireworks in Montana.

So, the magic of our trip really began when we arrived in Mandan.  I was suddenly flooded with all the memories of DAPL.  I felt like I was riding down the road to revisit that site with Sylvia and Rita, only it was me, Laura and Jenny and we’d only go a short ways down 1806 to the Fort Abraham Lincoln State Park.  We were there to visit the Custer House but arrived just as the last house tour ended.  We hesitated to spend the $5 to go in to just look through the windows and walk the grounds but… we paid and entered.  As we drove into the parking lot, we watched as the Tour Guide, in full military uniform of the day, was heading into the closed gift shop.

Laura jumped out of the vehicle and headed up to knock on the door.  Jenny and I wandered out, asking the lone woman in the parking lot if she’s seen the house tour and what she thought.  She noted it was wonderful and we mentioned that we were trying to make it because Laura and Jenny are great-granddaughters of a member of Custer’s band. We were sorry to have missed it.

Wait, did you know Custer had a band?  Well, I didn’t but apparently he was quite a showboat.  He also was very concerned about his hair – blonde locks that he combed across his forehead, kinda like someone who is in the news daily at present.  Thankfully, he’d left his band at the river before heading to the battle at Little Bighorn or I wouldn’t be telling you this story of a trip with his great-granddaughters!

As we headed up to meet Laura at the building, this woman followed us and asked if we’d said something about a relationship to Custer.  Jenny explained to her who they were and then the woman told us why she was there.  Turns out, she’s directing a documentary for Susan Sarandon’s film company, ReFramed Pictures, on Custer.  The goal of this company is to reframe stories that “shine a light on socially relevant causes, people and issues”.   The woman was Katia Lund, co-director of City of God.  Her camerawoman, Gwendolyn Cates came up at that point and we started talking.  She was surprised to hear about the Custer connection but then talk turned to her wanting a magnet but the gift shop being closed.  I was like, “We can get them to open up for a magnet. Sure!”  So I headed up to the door with her.  When the young woman answered the door, she wasn’t sure if they could but I was like, “Can’t you put it on tomorrow’s sales?” and Gwendolyn was like, “I can pay cash.”  She let us in the store and all five of us crowded in quickly.  The gal at the counter, Ree, was responding to Gwendolyn when I really saw her and blurted out, “Holy cow, you look just like my best friend, Steph!”  Ree pointed at me (just like Steph does) and said, “You’re just trying to butter me up!” And I was like, “OMG! That’s how she points at me too!  Can I take a picture with you?! I have to send her this!”  Well, this got her and she cracked up and we ended up posing for a shot.  Then Gwendolyn got her magnet and we asked if it might be possible to get a photo with the tour guide.  They told us “Jonah is still in the back.”  We found him and he was SO GRATIOUS!  He agreed to come outside for a photo and ended up spending about 10-15 minutes more with us filming and discussing Custer, his band, and the House at Fort Abraham Lincoln.  He and Laura went back and forth confirming what the other was saying while the filmmakers asked questions and we all enjoyed the stories.  I filmed with Jenny’s camera for them, though the sound was rough with the wind.  It was just magical to watch this unfold!!  Not sure if they will end up in the film or on the cutting floor but it was an amazing way to start our big trip to Glacier. It also saved me wanting to go all the way to the No DAPL site in Cannon Ball.  Katia was able to tell me it was mainly all cleaned up with only a few prayer ties on the fencing.  Not worth the drive to see, especially with all the driving we had ahead of us!

The next day started with Laura & I hiking Makoshika State Park.  The Campground volunteers were super friendly here.  I didn’t know before this trip that people volunteer to be Campground Hosts for State/National Parks and basically get a camp spot for agreeing to welcome guests to the park. This guy was super friendly, driving to the entrance to welcome guests before the park opened, and his wife welcomed us at the trailhead with maps they had posted.   It was a steep hike, straight up but pretty cool to see a dinosaur fossil and check out the Badlands.

Then we headed to the Little Bighorn Battlefield and I recommend, if you make it to this park, you definitely take the Apsaalooke Native Bus Tour.  Rusty gave us an AMAZINGLY detailed description of the day’s events with a focus on the Indian perspective.  The tour is $10 but it’s a full hour of story and with a couple stops for photo ops.  We also heard the Ranger talk with was more of a Rah-Rah-Troops perspective but which did acknowledge that one of the best parts of the park is the addition of the Indian Memorial, Peace Through Unity, which honors the fallen warriors in the battle.  It’s gorgeous iron and stone work and worth the walk up the hill, even in 90-degree burning sun.  We had a lovely picnic in the shade of a tree on the edge of the military graveyard which was strikingly similar to Arlington Cemetery.  The girls agreed my Ambrosia was delicious – finally think I’m getting that recipe right, as were the lovely Honeyberries (with sugar and tapioca).  Glad I could contribute such yummy goodies for our travels.  We also had garlic hummus, cherries, chips and crackers.  We are good on this trip!

The next day, we headed for Glacier and drove up the Going-to-the-Sun Road to make our way in to the McDonald Lodge where Laura was meeting Ginger to check in for her month long stay.  Going-to-the-Sun is a great way to see Glacier if you only have a couple hours to drive through – yep – it will take you a couple hours just to drive THROUGH this National Park.  Dan had set me up with the NPR audio files that accompanied the 20+ stops along the road so we had stories the whole way.  It was nice to hear a lot of history and ecology as we made our way through stunning vistas and past beautiful waterfalls.

We arrived on the 5th and spent three gloriously hot days with a lake just outside our door.  Ginger gave us the basics: Bear training (behavior, pepper spray, best practices), best trails, cleaning/paper supplies for the cabin – we’ve got TP for months!  We spent the first little bit cleaning.  It is a rustic cabin that the Artist in Residence enjoys but there is no housekeeping like at the lodges!  Then,  hot, we got on our suits and headed into Lake McDonald. After opening the wine, of course.  It was so refreshing.  Cooled off, we showered, snacked, and were in bed about midnight.

At 12:30, the bed started shaking!!  We figured it was an earthquake as we felt a small aftershock but didn’t have that confirmed until the next day when people with access to the outside world told us there had been a 5.8 quake in Lincoln, MT.  The next morning we were up and out to the Avalanche Creek trail.  We arrived about 11 and headed up, stopping for a lovely picnic lunch about 1/3 of the way up to Avalanche Lake.  We decided to save ourselves for more hiking later by not going all the way to the lake – we’d seen the best of the trail with rocks and waterfalls along the creek and big shady forests up the hill.  Instead, we headed to Apgar Village for Ice Cream.  I don’t recommend Eddie’s Ice Cream.  It’s pretty overpriced and I think the Huckleberry Ice Cream I had at the Blue Bunny Parlor in Le Mars a few weeks back was much tastier.  For all the traffic, I was surprised to find ice crystals in my vanilla scoop.  After that we headed to McDonald Lake where we had tickets for the Boat Tour.  Victor & JT were great and at the end, Laura took a moment to introduce herself as the Artist in Residence and Victor didn’t miss a beat before offering to come model for her!  I wonder if those dudes will be keeping her company now that Jenny and I are gone!  Had a late dinner of BBQ Ribs, Bakers, Slaw, and wine slush.  Got showers and read a bit before bed.

Friday we slept in.  Then we headed to the John’s Lake hike, over McDonald Creek.   It was an amazing hike and we spent quite a while at the bridge where I was able rock hunt and get in the water.  Jenny dared me so I had to!  Laura took an awesome video which I should be able to get posted soon.  We took a short tour of GTTS road to Logan’s Pass.  We got lucky and found a mountain goat on the way to Logan’s Pass.  Then on the way back, we found 2 more… with babies!!
Got back to the cabin in time for quick showers before the Jack Gladstone Triple Divide show that evening. Up late enjoying our last evening together.

Saturday we got Jenny to the airport and watched the Full moon set – She was HUGE! Laura and I drove through Whitefish, stopped at the grocery, found a rummage sale and headed to the West Glacier Amtrak stop. Turns out, the Amtrak website auto books you for East Glacier (which I didn’t even know existed) when you type in Glacier as your criteria in the station search.  West Glacier (WGL), Essex, and East Glacier are the three stops in the park… in that order.  Needless to say, getting to WGL at the time the train leaves GPK (East Glacier designation… you can see why I thought I was at the right stop, eh?), meant I missed my train.  Luckily, Dan could re-book me for the next day so… ONE MORE DAY IN GLACIER!!
Though we were starving, we still hit the Oxbow trail before heading back to the cabin to make a lovely lunch of a potato, broccoli crown, onion, pepper, egg and cheese lunch.  It was heavenly.  And then, with a full belly… NAP!  The days are so long that we still had time for some more cleaning, swimming, meeting some staff kids hanging out nearby,  hiking a Creek Trail and then hiking back to the cabin via the lake shore.  We made a lovely dinner salad and then headed over for the Astronomy program.  We were BUSHED after two nights of little sleep so hit the beds by 11:30.

But. did you notice that we did a Triathlon?  Yes, we did hiking, swimming and sale-ing.  What?  Yep, hiking, swimming and rummage sale-ing!  Love that!

Sunday resulted in a successful train boarding and I was able to finally leave Laura for her real work to begin.  We were able to find lots of lovely rocks, formations, wildflowers, and even some critters for her to incorporate into art while she enjoys the stay at Glacier.  I can’t wait to see what she makes.

Reconnecting with Family

Whew!  What a week!

So maybe Char can give you an  Harn update for this past week or perhaps she and Lucky are keeping that to themselves.  I was excited to see how the gardens fared and am grateful that Char was willing to not only feed the cat but also keep my gardens, especially my lettuce troughs, watered while we visited family far and wide.

Mother Nature was on our side as we got rain about every other day so little watering was needed outside those lettuce troughs.  And BOY was I surprised to see the garden!  The peas were almost 2’ tall when I left and now they are over my head.  A few of the potatoes had started to sprout but now we have a jungle of potatoes that are over a foot high.  The lettuce was beginning to sprout and now it’s getting a bit more production.  And the spaghetti squash I planted just before leaving is thriving in the dirt mound we dug from the pond area. So I planted a few more things here to keep them company.  I hope to have videos posted soon of the garden change at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZcwdxIbsSbKuDKyAQuuG6g

I didn’t think much about weeds in the garden while I was away.  There was just too much to see and do on our trip.  We started at 4 AM heading from Minnesota to Indiana.  Thought we’d arrive about 9 PM but ended up getting a flat tire in Northwest Indiana and had to backtrack to Merrillville for a replacement.  Lucky for us, the local National Tire & Battery had one of our weird sized Smartie Tires in stock.  And thankfully, Uncle Dick, Dawn and Jim were willing to put off their dinner to meet up with Dan and me for some Portillo’s (a Chicago area hot dog chain I used to adore when calling on customers there).

We finally arrived in Indiana about 1AM to a tired Steph and Steve. We had to get to their place as we had signed up to watch their son Rook the following day while they were at work.  The next morning, Rookie was happy to see me… after a moment of confusion since he hadn’t gotten to see me the previous evening.

We had an fantabulous day of playing in the water outside.  Oma Vicki came to play with us and we enjoyed the unbearable hot weather by having the hose spray up in the air.  Rook loved it!

I made a dinner of burgers, mashed potatoes (Steph’s favorite) and broccoli and we enjoyed catching up before heading on to Fran and Ed’s that night.  Tom’s grandparents have been keeping later hours and so we ended up chatting into the wee hours on arrival.  It was so good to see them.  Ed looks fantastic with his new beard and hipster moustache.  He’d lost 10 years from the last time we’d seen him!

Fran and I made a trip to visit Momma Chris – who wasn’t even surprised to see me!  She’d figured out it must be Jami coming to town when Fran told her that she had a surprise for her. That Chris is a sharp one.  We enjoyed checking out her latest creations and even got a little tutorial on card making before heading out for a late lunch at my favorite place – El Sabor Catracho.  Love those pupusas!  We also tried the tacos and they were HUGE and delicious. You should check them out if you’re in Indy: https://www.yelp.com/biz/el-sabor-catracho-indianapolis?hrid=bOmWn2pFt3tbWbTB2pyxZQ

We headed next to Arkansas to give Dan a chance to see his Aunties and Cousins.  The Gaither Family Reunion was to be held Father’s Day and we hoped to catch as many family as we could, since trips to Arkansas are harder now that we’re even further north.  We arrived late in the day for a stay with Cousins Barb and Jimmy in the Pool Suite.  There’s not really a pool with the room… the room used to house their indoor pool!  It’s a huge space with a pool table, dining area, sitting area, you name it.  It’s space for days!

We relaxed with Barb & Jimmy catching both Suicide Squad and Moana (I recommend both) before leaving for dinner with family at Mack’s Fish House, a local favorite.  There was already a wait by the time we arrived for Aunt Marie’s Birthday dinner and an even longer line once we left.  You should check it out if you’re in Heber Springs.  https://www.yelp.com/biz/macks-fish-and-steak-house-heber-springs You will NOT go home hungry. I ordered a chicken breast and mashed potatoes thinking that would be light fare.  Well, I hadn’t accounted for the beans and ham, coleslaw and chow-chow.  Chow-chow is this amazing mix of tomatoes and onions in a sugar/vinegar base – so yummy!  I had it with the chicken and potatoes after Cousin Danae talked about enjoying it over fish and it MADE the meal.  Oh, and I did cheat and try a few nibbles of their hushpuppies.  It was so worth it.  I didn’t have any after effects that I noted but I am pretty sure they have wheat in them.  That outer crust of the hushpuppy is to die for.  They make them small (not like the giant ones we enjoyed as kids at Long John Silver’s) and you can fill up on these babies before dinner arrives.  Beware!

It was good to see Aunt Inez and Uncle Arville at Marie’s dinner since we didn’t catch them at the Reunion the next day.  And Dan finally got to meet Danae’s Tony – a super cutie who is always smiling.  Ann and Marie looked beautiful and we loved catching up with stories from everyone. SO GOOD to get hugs from everybody.  Barb had cake and gifts planned for her place so we headed there and I got to meet Cousin Kelli, Barb’s daughter. The two of us hooted it up giving Barb no end of grief in trying to take our pictures – I like that girl!

Sunday was the Reunion and it was a small gathering.  We hoped to catch all five Aunties on this visit – They’re like Pokemon, Gotta Catch ‘em All! (Shout out to C.) Turned out that Jean didn’t make the Reunion so we missed her and Linda and Shirley are BOTH in Florida now so didn’t make the long trip to Heber for the reunion.  So we only captured 2 of the 5 Aunties this trip.

The next day was a 14 hour run to Colorado to stay with Tom and Celia.  It was really wonderful to see them both happy and healthy.  And we got to meet the Grandkitty, Jax.  He is super handsome and a real talker.  We had lots of good eats with Celia and I making her mom’s Pepper Steak one evening.  It was good stuff.  Celia trained me on cutting the peppers, not into strips but dicing them.  This made the dish WAY easier to eat.  Plus they put broccoli in it which was an interesting twist.  We also had my favorite pizza – Beau Jo’s (twice) and the local Mexican place, Three Margarita’s, was also good.

I was happy to have time to finally get a chance to play Life is Strange, the video game for which Tom’s company’s new game, Life is Strange: Before the Storm, is the prequel. It was really good.  It’s a teenage (tweenage?) girl story about life choices.  Every choice you make has consequences in the game and it’s a crazy story taking place at a prestigious high school.  Now that I know the ending, it will be fun to replay and try different choices.  I can see why it was so popular.  I’m looking forward to the Deck Nine game which I hear will have even better graphics and playability.  There’s a review here: https://www.theverge.com/2017/6/16/15812218/life-is-strange-before-the-storm-e3-2017-hands-on-interview Or you can see a preview play through here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1180&v=GhIrGIyY01o

Even better was getting to hang with Celia. We spent a whole day (while it was damnably hot outside) gaming in the A/C. Every time we get to visit with her, Dan and I get to know her a bit more and I must say, I’m happier and happier with Tom’s choice.  Which is tough because, you know, no one is EVER good enough for your kid…  😉

We headed for Mom’s in Alexandria (shortens our drive by a couple hours) Friday morning.  We were able to avoid the Dakota’s so spent no money there. 🙂 Nebraska was pretty wide open – reminded me of Kansas with a few more trees.  Cutting across the northwest corner of Iowa, we happened (Dan planned this, of course) through Le Mars, the Blue Bunny Ice Cream Capital of the World!  So we had to stop at the Blue Bunny Ice Cream Parlor.  Pretty sure Dan ticked off a bucket list item here.  It was a cute town with Ice Cream Cone statues everywhere – all decorated up.  Lots of fun stuff.

As we crossed the border into Minnesota, we found ourselves in Worthington.  Unbeknownst to me, this was the childhood home of Gramma Natalia. We were trying to figure out more about the town – reminded me of Alexandria in a way – and Dan searched for restaurants and what did he find?  Pupuseria & Restaurant Crystal!!  https://www.yelp.com/biz/pupuseria-and-restaurant-crystal-worthington?hrid=oLo5qyhV1fGXcfNjRLIZnQ Maybe I should have called this post Pupusa Serendipity…  Anyway, we enjoyed a lovely meal of Pupusas de Queso y Pupusas de Puerco along with some Pineapple water – who knew there was such a thing?  Reviews are bad on this place, mostly for service, but the food is worth the not great service.  And, while it may look closed when you arrive, there is yummy goodness awaiting inside.

We wound through the countryside of southern Minnesota all the way up to Mom’s.  It was good to see her and Tom and get a good night’s sleep after four nights of late nights and not a great bed at Tom & Celia’s.  We did go out couch shopping with them but I’m hoping they get a new bed instead and put the futon in the living room – it’s a dreamy sleep!  We’ll head back there in October so hope to have a better bed then.

On the way to the Harn, we stopped at the Nemeth Art Center in Park Rapids for a show featuring Aaron Spangler, a new acquaintance.  The theme was First Colony and I was hoping to hear him speak… but it was a showing for one of his pieces and other folks spoke.  We listened to the first speaker – Sheila Dickinson – who gave a wonderful story on privilege, colonization, and art.  Here’s a piece she did on the recent Walker scandal: http://www.artnews.com/2017/06/05/a-seed-of-healing-and-change-native-americans-respond-to-sam-durants-scaffold/ She was a lovely person, owning her own privilege, and contemplating how we can find solutions to display art in a way that is more true to reality, not depicting or whitewashing the genocide and racism that fill U.S. History.  If we ever want to find peace in this country, we need to have open and truthful discussions on our history.

It was good to get home to the Harn.  Lucky was purring louder than ever, so happy to see us.  Of course, we fed him right away.  Dan found the piece that finally made sense of Char’s nonsense text about “rocks wearing bras” that I thought was just some kind of weird goofing off or typo.  I absolutely LOVE my new Rock Art.

Sending Cards by Mail

I had the lovely experience of receiving a card in the mail this week.  It was most humorous and produced a huge smile. I was so tickled to receive it that I had to post it on FB.  This was a card to let me know how appreciated I am.  There weren’t a lot of words inside but every one told me that the person who sent it loves me bunches.  And that means the world to me.

I send a lot of cards myself and I’m usually much wordier.  [Imagine that!]  Sometimes I write all around the inside sentiment in order to send as much info as I can and I was struck by the huge impact of the simple few sentences that I got in this card.  It’s true that notion that a lot can be expressed with a few words.  Though I don’t know that I can much change the way I’ve always been.  I’m just a wordy woman.

I occasionally send the thinking-of-you card but more often, it’s a thank you that I send.  Momma trained me well as she always encouraged my brother and me to send thank you cards when we were kids.  I am convinced these days that it is one of the most important reasons for my success.

I always sent thank you notes after interviews.  Even when I knew I didn’t want the job.  I believe that this simple act, this quickly completed task, did more for cementing my relationships with people than the actual interview experiences.

It’s a different world we live in today… one of electronic communication, Facebook and email.  All these are great for keeping in touch day in and day out and I love being able to see and hear about what friends and family are doing all the time.  And, as I commented to my husband just today, “When Aunt Inez sends you a comment on Facebook, it’s like you can hear it in HER voice!”  It makes me feel like getting a little hug from her every time!

But I do believe that paper cards, sent in the snail mail, help you stick out in the crowd.  I wouldn’t doubt that a thank you card could very well have been the deciding factor in whether I got hired in more than one case.

Though I will probably never really know the impact of most of those cards I sent, occasionally I do get feedback.  We have an International Dinner group that we joined recently and, after the first one, I sent out a couple cards of thanks.  At the most recent event, I was told by one recipient that it was a Very Nice Card.  And you’d be surprised how many people send a thank you card back for a thank you card you send!

I very much enjoyed spending some time with my good friend, Momma Chris, this week.  She is a Card Sending Maniac!  And the wonderful thing about her cards is that they are all hand made.  When Fran and I arrived for our visit, it wasn’t long until we were looking at all her recent creations.  Of course, we had lots of questions.  “How did you do that?  Is that a stamp?  Was this done with alcohol inks?”  Chris, of course, had other examples to show us and when she went back to her Card Studio, I told Fran we should just follow along.  Within minutes, she was running us through a tutorial using blue painter’s tape, ink pads and paper.  It was so outside the concepts I envisioned.  She is a master of so many ways of making beautiful cards.

And where do all these cards go?  They go to everyone.  People she hears about with illness, those who she just misses (lucky me!), friends of friends, people in her church. I don’t know how many she sends out every week but she has people on rotation to help them get through whatever they are going through.  She told us a story of recently meeting a husband of a woman to whom she’d been sending cards and he was so delighted to meet her because she’s brought such joy to the woman.

I think what Chris gets out of the deal is an ability to never age.  She’s closing in on her mid 80’s but she looks as young as I’ve ever seen her on this visit and I’ve known her for almost 10 years.  I recall Carl Kasell once telling me, “If you want to do what you’ve always done, you have to keep doing what you’ve always done.” (Or something along those lines.)  He is another seemingly ageless gem of a person.  And I believe this spirit of giving demonstrated by both Carl and Chris just goes to show that Karma is a real thing.

A while back I made a book of a bunch of cards… some I sent, some I’ve received, photos and stories about these cards.  I am so grateful my mom gave me this wonderful habit.  I believe it’s just about the simplest and sweetest way to send a little love.  And who doesn’t need a little love?  I think I’ll send a few cards out soon.

Walking for the Water

It’s been a week of Water Protecting here at the Harn.

Dan & I spent Tuesday in Rice Lake for the first of the Draft Environmental Impact Statement (DEIS) Public Hearing and Comment meetings.  It was a well-attended event and I was there on my first assignment as a Reporter for the Farmers Independent, our local newspaper in Bagley.  Since I was on assignment, I didn’t feel I could stand up and comment.  So I also attended the Park Rapids DEIS meeting the following day where I did get an opportunity to stand up and speak.

The Rice Lake event was on Reservation Lands and I was impressed with the focus on having a pipe and drum ceremony to begin the event.  They also asked for first, any Elders to speak and then, any Tribal Representatives.  While none chose to speak at that time, it showed thoughtful consideration of the meeting location and showed respect for the Indigenous People.

Of the 15 commenters, only one, Neal Illies – County Commissioner for District 3, spoke firmly in support of the pipeline.  One other spoke of the fact that we need pipelines but also spoke to the risks.  As a homeowner with 4 pipelines on his property, Dennis Riggs noted in his testimony that Line 3 needs to be shut down.  The remaining 13 speakers were all in strong opposition to the pipeline being run through the proposed area.  There is too much risk and not enough reward for this to be in Minnesota’s best interest.    All agreed that water is more important to life than oil.

There was special concern regarding the possibility of endangering the 1855 Treaty rights of Indigenous people. It is interesting to look at Enbridge’s proposed route.  You will notice that the routes do not cross tribal lands.  It seems the oil boys thought that, as long as they remained off the Native Lands, they would not be able to be opposed by Indigenous groups.  However, the Treaty Rights ensure that Natives have rights to clean water for their fishing, hunting, gathering, and ricing throughout the treaty area.  And Enbridge’s pipeline would run through Treaty Territory.  This would require that Enbridge not only consult with the Tribes but also that they give them an equal seat at the table.  This did not occur.

When you look at the DEIS, it seems written to make Enbridge look attractive.  It’s insulting and disgusting to see the lack of concern for the added stress this puts on Indigenous people, for the risk to generations to come, and for much of any consideration to be given to the many flora and fauna that could be affected.  One of the most disturbing things to me as I read in the portion regarding pipeline abandonment, was that Enbridge seemed more concerned with affecting infrastructure and closing roads and thus, this was reason for NOT removing the pipeline that they would instead abandon.

And the prioritization of Enbridge of infrastructure over people and animals was in the sections on Environmental Justice which noted:

“Specifically, the company considered an alternate route of the pipeline going down Interstate 94 as too dangerous because of the possibility of pipe failure and crude oil flooding the highway, causing accidents and it’s routing through populated areas.” Line 3 DEIS, Environmental Justice section

Well I say, “What about the populations where they DO plan to run the pipeline?  How are these populations acceptable to risk?”  Dan and I have had many beautiful messages from our birds and other wildlife in the last week.  On the drive home from the Rice Lake DEIS, we happened upon a male and female Sandhill Crane crossing County 2.  We stopped to let them pass and, once they had crossed, we started to advance.  But the female ran back across the road and the male advanced on our car with head tucked and wings spread wide, making himself look as threatening as he could.  He charged toward us and we noticed popping up on the original side of the road, a small baby Sandhill.  Momma escorted him across the street while Poppa kept a close eye on us.  Even after they were crossed and in the ditch, he watched us and kept up a threatening stance.  This was a reminder of the many migratory birds that are born in this area where they want to run this Tar Sands pipeline.

More recently, we’ve also seen a duck with about 8-10 ducklings and a doe with a tiny fawn crossing.  And then, a most rare sight.  A Red Fox with her pup.  It’s almost as if Nature is saying, “Thank you.  Please keep speaking for us.”

At the Rice Lake meeting Sierra Club Executive Member, Marty Cobenais, shared that Enbridge said in 2008 they “needed the Alberta Clipper” but nine months before it was built, the oil industry asked Enbridge not to build the line as it wasn’t needed.  Then Enbridge told us the Sandpiper pipeline was “needed” but Sandpiper was abandoned last year for the Dakota Access pipeline in neighboring North Dakota.  He asked, “Do they really need this project?”

Some referred to more sustainable Hemp Oil, recently given agricultural approval by the State of Minnesota, which would be a safer alternative to the Tar Sands Enbridge wants to transport across the waters and wetlands of our state.  One mentioned that Hemp could be grown in the buffer zones to help clean the runoff from the fields, making it a two-fold solution.

The elders were given an opportunity to speak first but ended up being the last speakers of the day.  Lawrence “Sam” Crowell said, “Enbridge already has the pipe staged in Lake George,” and he believes that these 22 meetings are meaningless as a decision has already been made by the state. He asks the state of Minnesota to “prove him wrong”.  Irene Auginaush told the story of how her ancestors had to keep watch over Rice Lake with shotguns to prevent farmers from pulling planks to take the water from the rice.  She said, “They fought to save our rice on Rice Lake and we are going to fight to save our rice again just like our ancestors did.  Miigwech.”

The Park Rapids meeting had a much higher attendance with a largely older and white population that filled the cafetorium of Park Rapids High School.  Again, the comments were by a large majority Anti-Pipeline.  Only a handful of the many speakers were in favor of the pipeline and several of them spoke about the importance of having the oil available for the next 50-100 years.  Are these people aware that fossil fuels are a finite resource and that we’ve almost exhausted the available sources?  There isn’t another 50 years of oil available, forget about 100!  It seems when listening to these people that I can hear the slurping of the straw sucking up the last bits and, instead of finding a new source of energy, some seem to want to keep sucking the straw in futility.

The week wrapped up with a wonderful Water Walk in Bemidji from Sanford Center to Diamond Point Park.  The Walk was led by Annie Humphrey and included the beautiful Daughter Water Walker puppet that towered over the rest of the group.  I was honored to hold one of her hands as the walk began.  It was a small but vocal group and we had lots of honks of support and cheers from passersby, several of whom decided to join us in our walk.

It gives me hope to see fellow Water Protectors walking for the Water.  I know not all of us have the time, inclination, or information on how to get involved with work like this.  But I truly believe all of us know the value of water.  It is disheartening for me to see some who seem to hold money as more important than clean water.  It may be that it is only when they must face a life without drinkable water that they will finally wake up and realize you can’t drink money.

 

 

Dan Retires… Harn Life Officially Begins

This week marks the beginning of the Harn Homestead development with both Dan and me on-site full-time at the property.  It’s been a bit longer than originally planned and we’re a LOT further north than we thought we’d be (original plan was for Arizona but the water wars were already starting there in 2003), but we are finally here and ready to try this simpler life.  We are both happy to be free from the Rat Race but a bit nervous about the minimization of income this year.  I’ve been here at the Harn for over 4 months and have some notion of how, when you’re always at the Harn, it’s harder to spend money.  But we also see how much pricier groceries are up here in the Hinterlands and we know some of the gardens and other capital projects will require an influx of cash.

One of the things that has been on my mind is how much of a help Mom and Tom have been to us in this venture.  It’s really impossible to pay back their gift of hospitality and I’m probably most grateful to Tom for putting up with us MUCH longer than he was originally expecting…  More than we were too.  It seemed to us, once we got to Minnesota, we’d be so close to the property compared to Indiana that our progress would prepare the Harn in about a year.  But with taking on so many activities in Alex and me also starting a job, we were hindered in putting in as much time as was needed to get everything done.  In the end it took us 29 months, instead of the hoped for 19 which would have gotten us to the Harn by May 2016 when Tommy graduated from Purdue.  But we also got to meet lots more friends in Alex, take time for a big trip to Tom’s graduation with Mom & Tom, make a big MN-IN-MO-CO-MN road trip to get Tom’s stuff moved to his new job near Denver, and enjoy a lot more local music with Mom and Tom.

We could have lived in an apartment in town and not paid rent for our son in Indiana and been about the same off financially.  However, we didn’t want to create a situation where Tommy incurred the debts that we both had to pay when we were going to school. He was working throughout college and was able to support some of his own needs but rent is a big hitter for most college students.  I remember my co-op job being the only way I could afford to pay for housing and school in the last half of college and I was making darn good money at the GE co-op gig!  I still had a student loan for my senior year ending with $4000 in debt.  Dan had it much deeper than me with about 10X the loan buildup but he spent a lot longer getting his degree and used loans for living expenses for quite some time.

It’s harder growing up now.  Some time back, the presenter at the Senior College opener at ATCC mentioned how his kids were unable to make much headway with savings even though they had lucrative careers – they were putting so much into paying off debt.  We believe we gave Tom a leg up on life by giving him a debt-free start to adulthood after college. He even has a small nest egg of a 529 and his own savings that remain ready to support him when he needs them. This is in large part thanks to grandparents Fran and Ed who paid for part of his schooling and Mom and Tom for supporting his schooling and housing us, so we could support him by paying his rent.  I think that part of the joy for Mom and Tom in helping us was because they knew it also helped their grandson.

And I am so happy that circumstances resulted in Dan and I spending our time with Mom & Tom.  I am glad to have gotten to know my mother better and to have become so close with Tom.  He is a joy.  People in town often came up asking if I was “Tom Obert’s daughter” and it tickled me to no end.  A sweet lady at the book store, a friend of Tom’s from Jefferson High, once told me she could “see my dad in me”.  I loved her for it but had to explain to her that wasn’t really possible… that Tom was not my biological dad, just my favorite dad.  She said it must be the smile.  We are both quite smiley!

And perhaps it’s a good thing I have him as it seems my biological father has decided I am no longer his daughter.  [My brother Rob seems to now be caring for him to an extent with our step-mom having passed last year.]   I guess the Universe has ways of taking care of us that we don’t always comprehend.  And this may likely be a blessing for us all as I’m sure it will be Dan and I who will care for Mom & Tom as they age with us being the closest kids. Perhaps one day they will be living on our land in a cabin of their own.  You never know what life will bring.

But it sure is wonderful having Dan here.  He says it’s not going to hit him until he doesn’t have to pack up the car after the weekend and head back to Alex.  It’s already hitting me as we try to find locations for the last of the stuff moved up from Mom’s.  Thankfully, it’s getting organized to a point where it’s not super cluttered even with the additional influx.  We will keep downsizing and figuring out where things work best, now with both of us using the space.  And we’ll figure out how to live together again after another hiatus.  Lucky is happy to have another warm lap to confiscate.

We did celebrate by toasting with shots of Jim Beam from a small bottle received from the Broker who laughed at our plan to leave the Rat Race.  We’d gone in to have our taxes done with the guy who handled all my investments.  [I’m pretty sure he was aware we were in recovery and didn’t drink so I kind of felt like he was pushing us away with that token gift.]  I think we were small potatoes to him as many of his clients were multi-millionaires. Well, after being laughed at for our dream, I met a Broker on a plane in New York who seemed to have no problem with our plans.  In fact, she thought she could help us make it happen.  And by gosh, she’s had our money ever since and done pretty well by us.  If you’d like some investment help, she’s a real gem.  http://www.nuccifinancial.com/

Here’s our video of the toast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncF9Zbgp9B0

Reading Goal for 2017 On Track

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books

So I set a goal to read 144 books this year.  At first this seemed reasonable.  I mean, I’ve got all this time at the Harn on my own.  That’s only 12 books a month and I can include some kids books to pump up my numbers, right?  Well, I’m also reading some pretty hefty tomes – think textbook level reading – on Permaculture, Forest Gardening, and the like.  Those kid books are REALLY gonna come in handy!

I started thinking that, in the summer there’s more work to be done outside… so I need to focus on getting ahead of the goal in winter, right?  I figured I needed a few extras in January & February.  So how am I doing?

Books read in January:

1. The Book that Matters Most by Ann Hood  – Good but a bit predictable
2. The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly – Fun Juvie read.  Looking forward to reading the second book now.
3. The One-Straw Revolution by Masanobu Fukuoka – Excellent.  A Master of Growing.
4. Re-Creative: 50 Projects for Turning Found Items into Contemporary Design by Steve Dodds – Lots of cute ideas for when I get a break from reading.
5. The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton – Sweet and timely.
6. Ira Sleeps Over by Bernard Waber – Good encouragement for kids to have confidence and see that we’re all a little vulnerable.
7. I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas – Well done.
8. Rising Strong by Brene Brown – Must read.  Again, I’m a huge Brene Brown fan.
9. The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley – Lots of science here and it was a good story – though I felt a bit overwhelmed at times with the details.  Glad to check one off the Authors to Read list.  Still need to get to Still Life…
10. Zero-Waste Home by Bea Johnson – Wonderful, challenging book.  Everyone should read this as we all generate too much waste and can do with some culling back on our consumerism.
11. Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys – Again, love this author.  Terrific story though a tough subject.
12. Two if By Sea by Jaqueline Mitchard – Good story – sucks you in.  Goes in a lot of directions and enjoyable but don’t know if I’ll read another by her.
13. Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson – SUPER FUNNY about Hard Stories.  She is really vulnerable in here and I am sure this book will make you feel a little happier and less crazy, no matter how crazy and sad some of us sometimes feel.  Bought it for a friend – it’s in paperback!
14. Time, Love, and Memory: A Great Biologist and His Quest for the Origins of Behavior by Jonathan Weiner (Heavy Science)  – NFBC Read – Good look at genetics and really shows how geeky scientists are human too.
15. Lucia and the Light by Phyllis Root – Lovely folk tale type read.

Good – 3 ahead! Those 4 kid books really helped!

Books read in February:

1. Edible Forest Gardens Volume 1 by Dave Jacke (Textbook!) – Excellent read with loads of details and technical stuff but also some really good case studies.  This is the theory volume.
2. Sacred Balance by David Suzuki (Heavy Science) – Great overview of lots of science and how us humans are intimately connected to the earth, our planet, our home.  Wonderful closing stories of people making real differences.
3. Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead – Great look at slavery and some of the BS that was involved.  But there are beautiful heroes too.
4. Taking Flight by Kelly Rae Roberts – Inspiring book about how each of us can bring the artist inside to life.  Really terrific demos on How-To make art like hers. You can read the first chapter on her website – it might suck you in like it did me… http://www.kellyraeroberts.com/
5. Locally Laid: We Built a Plucky, Industry-Changing Egg Farm – From Scratch by Lucie B. Amundsen  – Excellent book on the trials of taking on a huge challenge and winning.  Tons of funny stories about her and her husband.  You gotta check this one out – plus it’s by a Minnesota Author!  https://www.facebook.com/locallylaid/
6. Animal Farm by George Orwell – Classic.  This was a timely read.
7. The Iron Heel by Jack London – You may remember this from last week’s blog.
8. Little Goblins Ten by Pamela Jane – Beautfully illustrated and a fun Halloween tale.
9. Gracie and Grandma and the Itsy, Bitsy Seed by Iben Sandemose – Cute.
10. Farming the Woods: An Integrated Permaculture Approach to Growing Food and Medicinals in Temperate Forests by Ken Mudge and Steve Gabriel (Textbook!) – Way more data-oriented and mushroom-focused than I’d like.  But it did have good photos of a guy I LOVE on YouTube.  https://www.youtube.com/user/EdibleAcres
11. The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking – A fun look at Danish Happiness with complete details on how you can join in the fun.

Man, one short!  Even with 2 kid books.

I am currently reading:

1. Early Retirement Extreme: A philosophical and practical guide to financial independence by Jacob Lund Fisker (done!) – Loved this book (Oh, you can also read his first chapter for free at his site too!) and am now enjoying the forums at his blog… http://forum.earlyretirementextreme.com/index.php?sid=27dc4fee105c5df4d0c2aa72882f1d4b  You should check out his page if you want to quite being a wage slave. http://earlyretirementextreme.com/ Which will lead you to this –  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawrence_Kohlberg%27s_stages_of_moral_development – very interesting to consider as we look at the 45 Administration.
2. The 100 Thing Challenge by Dave Bruno – Again, this guy is very vulnerable but also confident about justifying the criticism he gets. I like the concept,  lessons learned, and it’s just short of preachy.
3. Living with Less so your family has more by Jill Savage – just couldn’t so this – way too churchy for me. A little obvious with many of the lessons.  I skimmed through the whole thing but couldn’t read it word for word – just to much scripture.
4. Sepp Holzer’s Permaculture: A Practical Guide to Small-Scale Farming and Gardening* – LOVE Sepp Holzer.  He is a genius and I’m about halfway through this one.  Lots of great info, though some re-reading is required, possibly due to translation.
5. Gaia’s Garden by Toby Hemenway*
6. Edible Forest Gardens: Volume 2 by Dave Jacke (Textbook – even thicker than Volume 1!)
7. Calm Surrender by Kent Nerburn*
8. Wilderness Tips by Margaret Atwood*
9. All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister – for NFBC

• Some of these have been in the works for a while…  I’ll eventually finish them!

So, only being a couple days into the month, I’m doing OK for March.  But I’m gonna have to step up my game or start reading lots of Pre-K books to make the goal!!

A Life of Simplicity?

Tags

conservation, Finding Fulfillment, Freedom, How to Retire Early, living local, simplicity, sustainability

I am at the Harn for a week of solitude.  Dan is heading back to work after our weekend of major projects and I’m staying until he returns next weekend.  It should be an interesting experience and a chance for me to get a taste of what Harn Life will be.  As we make progress on final systems for our place and draw closer to being at the Harn full-time, some are asking what this will mean.  And I’m still trying to figure that out myself.

I know it seems sometimes to me, and I’m sure to many, that I’m expecting Utopia. While I am hopeful for a lot of good to come (otherwise, why would I be doing it!), I do have some realistic ideas of what this will mean… working to grow food and living more lightly on the land is going to take some adjustment.  It won’t be an easy transition but it’s one I want to try to make.  If it is completely unworkable, I can always go back to the rat race!  But we have some basic goals: using less fossil fuel, spending more time being cognizant of our use of resources, working to live more sustainably, having less impact on Mother Earth, and living more simply than we have been most of our lives.

Before I left for this week at the Harn, I watched a documentary sent by Keith Johnson, a Permaculture friend from Indiana.  It’s called A Simpler Way: Crisis as Opportunity and you can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=4&v=XUwLAvfBCzw

This film is set Down Under but it remains pertinent to the U.S. as we all share one globe and there are many similarities between their culture and ours. I found it to be inspiring and was excited by the project these people undertook.  I was not surprised that there was struggle.  I believe any worthy endeavor will have its share of struggle.  And though I am ignorant today of all the struggle we will face as we make our own transition, I am ready for the challenge.  I think it will come in unexpected ways, as it usually does!  But some of the things I expect I believe will turn out better than I hoped.  For example, we recently cleaned out some humi-buckets (buckets full of poop for the uninitiated) and it was MUCH easier than I expected it to be.  Very easy cleanup and truly a vast improvement on the current system most people use today of pooping in potable water and flushing it away.  One of the worst jobs in housekeeping is cleaning the toilet.  With a humanure system it’s actually much easier to clean and maintain, not to mention a HUGE savings on potable water usage!!  So simplicity has its advantages.

There are sure to be disadvantages or at least what appear to be disadvantages from my current perspective.

• We will not be eating out at restaurants like we do these days.  We won’t be in town for one thing and we will want to live on a much smaller budget for another.  But will this be a downside? I am hoping it will mean a more healthy diet, a more sustainable diet and one that may even result in becoming more fit!  That is one expectation I hope is fulfilled… becoming more fit.
• We will have less social interactions and opportunities for entertainment.  While we can head to Bemidji for some culture, we plan to not head to town at every whim which will mean more limited access to people and amusement.  But, will this be a downside?  I am hoping to find more time to play the flute I made at Rec Lab last year and to entertain myself making crafts and upcycling.  I’m wondering if this will be an even more fulfilling life than buying or observing entertainment has been to date.  And I’m wondering if the social things might just come to us.  We have friends a couple miles down the road and I’m hopeful we will cultivate visitors that will bring serendipity and whimsy to our days as we settle in the new neighborhood.
• We will have less income.  The goal eventually is for neither of us to be working full-time jobs outside the home and so, this will mean less monetary resources.  But perhaps the time we have will allow us to create income or barter opportunities that are preferable to giving the lion’s share of our weeks to an employer.  And surely living more simply will require much less income.  It seems to be a rule of salary that, as it grows, so do your expenditures.  And as it shrinks, so should our expenditures!  But I believe we will have everything that’s important and one of the goals of living a more simple life is to determine what those things are.

As you can see, I’m optimistic.  Those of you who know me expect no less than this!  I am always trying to see the bright side and find the positive.  I am hopeful that will help as I look to making this transition.  From the film I watched, I found a wonderful resource on ideas about this new way of life.  I plan to spend some time reading what they have to share. [And yes, Dan and I are hopeful for plenty of time for reading in this new way of life.]  http://simplicityinstitute.org/  This is a terrific article explaining The Simpler Way http://theconversation.com/the-simple-life-manifesto-and-how-it-could-save-us-33081

I encourage you to consider whether some simpler ways of life could bring not deprivation or hardship but real enjoyment, peace and happiness.  I’ll keep you posted on my journey!!

What Does the Future Hold?

In my first job out of college, at Inland Steel, I was told during my first annual review that I needed to “balance my idealism with realism”.  At the time this seemed reasonable and I spent much time and energy in convincing myself of its truth.  But I always felt uneasy and disloyal to my Self in doing so.  In the business world, if only to maintain one’s patience, perhaps this is true. It kept me stuck in most of the jobs I had through my career for much longer than I should have stayed.  I eventually came back around to my idealistic roots and realized my dreams could come true!  I wonder what could have been if only I held firm and took steps toward my dreams all along.

In hindsight, I see the best plan is to remain idealistic, to hang on to those big dreams. How else can we continue to innovate, make progress and move forward into the future in a positive way?

This past week and a half has been full of challenge and inspiration.

• On September 10th, Jay Coggins, University of Minnesota Professor of Economics, opened this year’s Alexandria Technical and Community College Senior College with his talk “Economics and Climate Change”.  His premise was that while fossil fuels are miraculous, our use of them is rendering our planet more and more unlivable. His contention is that, based on current rates, by the year 2100, our planet will be uninhabitable by mammals. That means that in about 85 years, ONE LIFESPAN, we will no longer have a home.
• In my inbox, Yes Magazine directed me to George Price (https://georgepriceblog.wordpress.com/) who writes that, at our current pace, we are on track to reach 2°C warming in 15 years.  So, forget our grandchildren; our kids may be screwed.  Well, maybe only if your kids live in Miami, which, with the melting of polar ice caps, will be underwater.  Can you imagine?  Miami undersea within a couple decades?  I wrote a Letter to the Editor on the above two items but unfortunately, this is what was published in the Echo Press this week: http://www.echopress.com/letters/3841138-there-cause-alarm-regarding-climate-change   This ongoing theme in the Echo’s LTEs that CO2 is good for plants so we should all be happy for the excess CO2 in the atmosphere, gives me little hope for the full and intelligent comprehension of facts in the community in which I currently reside.  I mean, water is crucial for the body’s survival but, if you drink too much in a short period of time, it’s fatal.  It’s fruitless to argue with the laws of physics.
• My Non-Fiction Book Club began September 13th with a dozen community members discussing “This Changes Everything: Capitalism vs. The Climate” by Naomi Klein. While not everyone had finished the book and a couple had only started, we had a lively conversation about the book’s ideas that our extractive economy is not sustainable and the magical thinking that there will be a technical cure for repairing the climate in the nick of time is just that, magical.  We commiserated that, because we’re not among the extremely wealthy crowd buying our current politicians, there may be little we can do to change this with government action.  But we shared enthusiasm that the efforts of Blockadia, groups of everyday citizens ~ often teens with their grandparents, are succeeding in protecting our Mother Earth from new and potentially devastating extractive activities, at least in the short-term. And the work of Indigenous People, in sustaining their long-forgotten treaties, may give some legal basis for allowing continued preservation of the land so the Earth can have some chance at regeneration.  The Book Club was so excited that we ran over time and barely touched on what we thought our next read might be.  This week, excellent news was received that the planned Enbridge pipeline up north is back to square one as there will be a required Environmental Impact Study.  The environmental effort in MN is now among some of the most successful in the world with preventing fossil fuel companies from running roughshod over the citizens of our state.

This small group of readers took me from challenge to inspiration.  And an even larger group has made an even bigger impact in bringing my idealism back to the forefront.

On September 18^th, along with Mom and Deb Trumm, I attended the Minneapolis Foundation’s Futurist Conference where some of the most forward thinking people of our time, some would call them idealists, were speaking on a variety of topics. From Education to Fundraising, from Health Care to the Environment, we gathered an overwhelming amount of information.

The day began with breakfast and keynote speaker Dan Pallotta who transformed our ways of thinking about charities.  His main points were that in worrying about overhead as a percentage of the group’s expenses, we lose sight of their overall impact; in criticizing for high salaries at non-profits as immoral, we limit the kind of talent these groups can attract (not to mention the exponentially higher for-profit CEO pay getting a pass with respect to immorality); and in chastising non-profits for failures, we prohibit future innovative practices.  Rather than asking what percentage of income goes to overhead, better questions are:

• What are your goals and how do you measure progress in meeting them?
• Who are your collaborators?
• How are you growing your funding to support the cause?
• What impacts are you making?

The cost of a bake sale involves almost no overhead but the results are minuscule, maybe making $71.  But with 40% “overhead”, a bigger pie of $710K can be raised to support your cause. Without proper marketing and talent, our favorite cause doesn’t get very far on making a difference.

Check out these ideas at www.CharityDefenseCouncil.org.

We then moved to the auditorium for a lively talk from Dr. Michio Kaku, Theoretical Physicist, Author and Professor who gave us a glimpse into the future after reviewing in brief our previous tech waves:

• The Steam Engine gave us the start of the Industrial Revolution… and led to the Crash of 1850 which instigated Marxism.
• The Electric and Atomic Age continued our advance… but led to the Crash of 1929 and resulting Depression and WWII.
• Technology and Computers gave us amazing breakthroughs… but also contributed to the Crash of 2008 which has left many in economic crisis.

So what’s the next wave? The Nanotech and Biotech Age.  A world of Artificial Intelligence. A place where you-think-it-you-bought-it and where wallpaper can be changed like a desktop background and will include a mirror where you can access Robo-Docs that will revolutionize medical care and reduce costs.  We will move from Mass Production to Mass Customization where you can input  your measurements and receive clothes that fit perfectly.

My disappointment grew as I noticed no factoring in of the fact that all this technology requires a planet from which we can operate and there was no talk of finding an alternate planet to populate. During the Q&A with Kerri Miller from MPR, Dr. Kaku was asked about Climate Change and he says this is for his next book… he has no deploy-able answers at present.  But he did reference fusion technology, which will reportedly be available from France by 2020.  He also discussed at length the inability of Americans to educate our people for post-graduate work.  The majority of our grad students today are foreigners, coming in via the Genius Visa (H1B); not one American born post-grad exists in his organization at the City College of New York.

I guess as a theoretical physicist, there may be no surprises for him in the recent developments of the world (because these guys think of all forms of outrageous possibility), but the practical application of physics may be outside the daily sphere.  He didn’t mention the next “Crash” but perhaps it will be our planet coming to its limit on how much carbon it can realistically absorb before it stops functioning to viably support human life.

A last minute change brought a new keynote speaker for lunch, Dan Beutnerr, who thrilled us with the optimism of Blue Zones: https://www.bluezones.com/about-blue-zones/.  His organization’s approach:

The Blue Zones Project is a systems approach in which citizens, schools, employers, restaurants, grocery stores and community leaders collaborate on policies and programs that move the community towards better health and well-being.

While they are working now throughout the US, they started with Albert Lea, MN.  By offering a menu of options, each community can focus on areas with high buy-in and work toward goals specific to their geography, infrastructure and people.  Basic principles for the original Blue Zones Dan discovered included:

• Plant-based diets with minimized meat (maybe 5X per month, often with ritual/ceremonial aspects).
• Eating to 80% capacity.  In other words, not over-eating.
• Staying active, incorporating lots of natural movement each day.
• Prioritizing family and friends.
• Having a community of faith and one that respects and celebrates elders.
• Drinking some red wine every day.  And some water too!

The specifics vary but the results make sense.  In the US, his group works with communities to increase incorporation of bike/pedestrian paths, healthy food availability/access and  while at the same time reducing smoking and the billboards for fast food.  The results are increased life expectancy along with reductions in obesity, smoking, absenteeism and health care claims.

The Breakouts came after lunch and I attended The Future of the Environment with Shalini Gupta, Patrick Hamilton, Winona LaDuke & Michael Noble.  The focus was on how the impacts of our energy systems often inequitably affect people based on race and class.

Shalini opened with a review that explained with her fossil fuel usage graph from 1776 to 2011: the pre-Emancipation Proclamation era was largely flat due to the widespread use of the labor of black slaves; the implementation of power plants at the turn of the century occurred primarily in neighborhoods of color and poverty; the practices of mining for uranium in the Dakotas, Wyoming and Montana quietly grew when, in 1972, President Nixon signed a secret executive order declaring this four state region a “National Sacrifice Area”; and the petro-chemical industry devastated the town of Mossville, Louisiana, founded 225 years ago by ex-slaves and now referred to by some  as the poster child of environmental racism and injustice.

The panel then introduced themselves and fielded questions from the audience.

• Bill Gates refused to support fossil fuel elimination stating that renewables were not ready.  What are your thoughts? Costs are down 80%, and infrastructure goes up 8-10% every year, deployment is way up with wind being the most economical.  With increased efficiency we reduce need and renewables will be adequate.
• We have the possibility to mine for copper/nickel and more in Minnesota.  How can we develop this sustainably?  The materials remaining require huge removals of materials and destruction to the earth, let’s STOP DIGGING.  It’s too expensive.  How about we mine the landfills for copper?  It’s easier to find and ready for use.
• Is 100% Renewable possible?  As we increase efficiency, we will get to a level of fossil fuel usage that is respectful.  Our food systems are full of fossil fuels so there is much to reduce in this arena.  The transition may still involve some fossil fuels but a focus on renewables is the only way to prevent catastrophe.

Overall, the message seems to be that we CAN get to better practices but it will take all of us making changes like eating more locally, using less electricity/gas and moving toward sustainable energy practices.

The final speaker was Atul Gawande, author of Being Mortal and the reason I attended the conference.  He spoke with heart about the experiences of his mother and his friend’s father.  Both received some of the most unnecessary and irrelevant testing after having an experience with fainting.  His mother, in relative good health, luckily found out she didn’t need a scraping of her carotid artery or stints around her heart.  In fact, her whole issue was a new diuretic which caused dehydration so the solution, after travel across the state and all these expensive tests, was to advise her to drink more fluids.  His friend’s dad, in not as good health, ended up getting medical treatment that was not advisable… and his last 6 months of life were greatly debilitated.

Atul spoke about how teams of doctors are better than individual doctors, especially when paid for outcomes, not treatments.  His previous book, The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right, was implemented in 8 hospitals around the world and found a reduction in complications by 35% and a reduction in deaths by 47%.  Simple checklists improved medical care better than any pill or procedure.  We need to re-think our ideas around medical care.

His more recent book, Being Mortal, tells that we need to start having discussions about what people wish for their lives as they age and when they face terminal illness.  Perhaps chemo to the very end isn’t the best treatment if one would rather have time with family while feeling good, not debilitated by the treatment.  Perhaps surgery isn’t the best plan, if the risks outweigh the rewards in accordance with the patient’s goals. Sometimes treatment IS the best plan.  But in our current system, it seems to be the default plan.  Understanding what is important to our elders goes a long way in making the right decisions for their care.  And sometimes longevity isn’t the most important goal.

Would we rather live 2 months with pain management or 6 months with symptoms that prevent us from enjoying any time at all with family and friends?  How much change/treatment/pain are we willing to endure? And for what kinds of outcomes?  If we can enjoy football and eat ice cream, is that enough?  Or do we want to maintain an ability to travel?  These are the kinds of things we need to discuss to make the best decisions with our loved ones.  Rather than “medicalizing mortality” we need to use communication to share what kind of life we want to live, and for how long.

The conference, while challenging, was also full of hope.  The diversity in the room of 1700 people was astounding.  All ages, races, genders, sexual identities.  There are many groups taking action to improve health care, education, equality, justice, arts, civic engagement and other aspects of life that are critical to success and happiness.  And there are lots of people focused on ideas that are making a difference.  Now I need to focus on what I do to join them and make my own impact moving forward.