Lessons on Truth (Debwe)

Tags

Carolyn Myss, communication, Connection, Forgiveness, Truth

Lessons from Carolyn Myss on Truth… Debwe.

One of the most beautiful ways to understand the essence of Spiritual Direction is that you enter into a dialogue with the intent of letting your spirit reveal to you the story your are living that is your life. No one is born knowing who they are or what they are meant to do in every moment of their lives. What we are meant to do is search. We must each find our way and along the way, discover who we are, what we believe, what we value, what holds meaning for us and what does not, how to love and who to love. We are our own mystery.

I walk through what I gleaned from this part 1 of 8 series… which is all I’ve seen of the series… though, whew! It’s a lot!! And perhaps I’m too cryptic… so maybe you need to simply listen to the whole thing?

Here we go…

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I love how Carolyn begins with prayer and meditation… in the first 5 minutes. Thomas Merton – This Day will never come again… so let’s pray that we find goodness in this day. Water of your Soul meditation… is good stuff. [Listen And she leads with books…. Lord of the Flies and Animal Farm… both really educational books on the topic she discusses. {18 minutes}]

One word of truth exchanged through the eyes of another is enough to bond two human beings for eternity… the power of a sacred union.

Carolyn Myss: Pebbles in the Well: Learning to Listen to Your Soul

Carolyn Myss speaks of how we seek spiritual direction – archetypically, our nature is stronger than anything else and it seeks… itself. We still don’t even know our own selves… or our own real beliefs… We have no clarity of a God we Trust. But there comes a time of reckoning when we stop seeking and begin to devote our lives to no longer search… perhaps deciding to no longer feed our inability to commit… and ask ourselves not what we’re seeking, but what we believe.

Without direction… teachers and physical directors, we are forced to figure out how we work. Our NATURE / Instincts become our teachers. Perhaps as we sit in Covid World… we are all doing this… to “manage our survival”. Much of this work is being done in fear… and when we are in base fear, our instincts go to survival.

Mentors are helpful to prevent us living solely at the survival level. Intellectual curiosity and pursuit of knowledge come when we are not in fear for our survival (where control and acquiring are a focus). When we have only survival in mind, we have little time for understanding and often simply react in fear. Instructors guide us to get beyond our own instincts and prevent our lowest base instincts from being dominant.

Carolyn argues that Survivalist Programs are regressing us to our primal selves as we return to a level of base fear. “We are regressing to survival instincts.”

The Soul needs to know truth… The Mind wants to create… The Body must have meaning in each part as it carries a critical purpose. The Soul maintains authority over the Mind, governing our own Nature. “This is what conscience is about and our own inner direction.” Else, the mind is left to wander and take instructions from what it sees, what it wants, and emotional reactions of our base nature.

When our conscience works with our soul and our mind and our body, this instinctual system of life allows us to understand our selves… which THRIVE on Truth. When we fall out of alignment with our comfort zone of our personal truth, our soul comes in… mind directs and soul seeks truth.

Animating our conscience, guiding our heart, sensing what is unfolding in our world, feeling what is coming… Without the soul, we seek financial gain, glamour, or whatever is unfulfilled in our wounds. We want to make ourselves feel better from our wounds. When we have no sense of who we are Uwounded, we will stay in our Wounded self. Spiritual direction beings Truth that can heal.

First, we must Purge. Purge that which is NOT truthful. This is painful… talking about what is bothering us. Though it MUST HAPPEN. Carolyn helps us tweak this searching we think we’re doing… as we try to figure out truth… living in cycles that go nowhere… and begin instead… asking questions that take us to a place of answers instead of continued confusion.

Confusion comes from unanswerable questions, like: “Why did this happen to me?” There is no answer! [30 minutes in… she explains what we say to someone who comes to us asking why we hurt them. and this is really powerful. LISTEN TO IT. I’m not going to write it here as I want you to listen for one minute at 29:55 – actually, listen until 31:10… or longer.]

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The Purge… starts with looking on the outside.

The Age of Reason has brought us to our most Unreasonable place. We have not made decisions based on understanding… but instead make decisions that show how little we understand about ourselves. As we enter the era of psychic energy – being more conscience of how things all fit together – we’re becoming more disconnected from the Earth… going in the opposite direction. The 1960s took us away from our spirit, not closer.

All our “issues” with words (Goddess, not God!) and religion (prayer and soul are not words to use in secular society…) in the Age of Reason, have created a place where we need to find an “off-planet god” to give us a reason. A God who has a courtroom… earth justice, according to His court of justice (that we define)… based on reason… allowing us to put God in our Mind but not our Being.

This withdraws the notion of divinity in the organic… Air… sacred atmosphere.

If the divine was real – a sacred force in our lives, no one would put a hand on the bible and lie… no one would walk the Earth’s sacred ground without taking off their shoes… no one would dare say they don’t have time for a sacred practice… Though we do these things all the time.

Our spiritual practice would be the whole of our lives if we truly understood the sacredness of our life in this world. Truth is the way. She references scripture… and her understanding about 40 minutes in… very interesting.

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Start Listening.

No instruction can come until you are able to listen.

In the long ago time, there wasn’t all the distraction of today. Life existed as the silence of the physical world – no boats and emails – and the heavens. In those centuries, the focus was on physical survival and survival of the soul… which was EVERYTHING. Today we would think this preposterous – to concern ourselves with the consequences to our souls… with each action we take.

Our illness and suffering bear witness to the consequences carried in our souls. We wear the consequences in our psyche and our medication. The Soul is a vessel of truth – purging via confession… which we have largely eliminated from our daily lives. We no longer purge the demons which eat our mind and destroy our hearts.

Acting against our moral and ethical codes… for all this time… without purging this toxicity from our selves… these acts, not aligned with our beliefs, create suffering.

In the 1960s, we decided we could do our own thing… without direction. In this process, we threw out babies with the bathwater. Pursuing self… when the self can manage itself, it is good to “walk about”. However, without management of our soul, heart, nature… taking off on our own, without any sacred understanding… or declaring arrogant understanding where it is not complete, we become experts on what we don’t believe and novices on what we do believe. The result is no beliefs at all… a licensing of elimination of our conscience.

We no longer know who we are… or what we believe… or even why a belief is important. What is the vulnerability of having “No Belief”? Is there possession? Are we magnets for the chaos around us? Declaring there is no evil in the world… as we build the universe as we believe it to be… praying when we believe it is important… denying the words we do not “like”…. we struggle forward.

We are not conscience… No Creed is The Way. Accepting realities… what is IS.

The world is here… before me… and after me… I’m NOT SPECIAL, contrary to the upbringing and education I had that taught me I was. :-] I am NOT Exceptional. What has always been and always will be long after I am Gone? I cannot rearrange the cosmos.

Looking for our Specialness in life will always be a disappointment. Living a humble life, within our own human nature, on this planet that governs us, we cannot feel exceptional. We must abide by the rules… we get in trouble when we don’t abide by the rules. [Listen from 55:22 to 57:10. And a bit further if you want to hear about those Christmas newsletters…] Specialness is a curse.

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What Do You Believe?

What is the difference between a thought and a belief? What is truth?

Truth is only functional for us as individuals. And… We are ALL connected. So what affects the one, affects all.

LIVE Truth. Purging can be made easier by understanding the “building” [listen at 1:02:30]. First floor people see the world literally but the penthouse sees farther out – only mountains and air and silence, while on the ground, there is traffic, dust, light pollution and noise.

Accept the Divine AS-IS… stop expecting as you have designed God. Stop praying as a narcissist assuming God screwed up. God is not our lawyer, surrogate parent, or book of answers to unanswerable questions. When you accept the world around you, peace comes. [Listen 1:07:25 to 1:14:30 to learn about forgiveness.]

Our nature is to strike back when we are hurt – we seek to understand our nature… and how it drives us. When we feel that need to strike back, we understand our own inner self… ruthless with proper provocation. The real admission is that the other arrived first… to their own inherent understanding of ‘power’… though we can learn from their provocation… to not be provoked to the same kind of harmful actions.

This is where the work begins…. Ask yourself:

What Are Three Things I Believe? What three things Govern Me? What is true about the “God” in which I believe?

[Mine were 1) I believe we are all doing our best. 2) I can change my mind. 3) Love is the answer.]

What do I need divine guidance for in this moment?

[Direction… on a daily. Does it come from my soul?]

What are my spiritual needs? Are there consequences from not meeting my spiritual needs? Are my physical or emotional or psychological needs actually spiritual needs? Absolutely.

Every human being needs time to reflect on how they are making choices in their life. How and why you make the choices you do…. what motivates you… whether or not your choices reflect what you really feel… what you really want to say… whether or not they’re coming from you or being forced out of you… whether or not what you do is compromising who you are or has integrity.

That you end the day feeling your spirit is going to sleep with you or is it fragmented through your life… through the day, where have you left your soul? Where is it? … Is it all inside of you as you have come to rest for the night. This is an essential spiritual need.

Caroline Myss – Pebbles in the Well: Learning to Listen to Your Soul

Not a religious question but a question on the nature of the soul. Determining our congruence. Not acting out of misalignment… Not giving a piece of ourselves to someone else to control because we are frightened, weak, dishonorable. If we do, we will begin a life of self-loathing. This will bring us to targeting someone to blame… as we cannot live with this misalignment. If no target is found, we will find addiction.

There is no alternative, no exception to this, it is the way of our Nature. It is what happens when we are not aligned with truth, we become abusers. Self, psychic, emotional abusers… we become abusers until we purge ourselves. We can get very comfortable with lying and acting in darkness… through ignorance or conscious choice… until conscious truth disrupts the behavior.

Playing with the truth makes us hate ourselves… and we can create neuro-lashout to disrupt. Become manic, depressive, find something to disrupt our own self-hatred.

Our history shows… this is the way of humanity. We need an archetype for those who tell the truth – Whistle Blowers.

Couples today need counselors to tell each other the truth… They don’t KNOW how to tell each other the truth. You are not KNOWN because you are not able to speak the truth in your relationship. What does it mean to know someone? There’s something to ponder.

“Inner self tells me… I should talk to you about this.”
“How about you just talk to me about this… and leave your inner self out of it?”

Caroline Myss – Pebbles in the Well: Learning to Listen to Your Soul – seriously, listen to this part… it’s great.

Inner self is an anomaly ego of our time that we’ve created to allow us to speak our truth without judgment and humiliation. Half relation-with-God (or revelation from God) and half the vulnerability inside us… this is an irresponsible ‘divine inside voice’… because I cannot speak truth on my own… confidently… with you. It can become a weapon… as any tool can do.

“That’s how truthless we’ve become. That’s how incapable we are of managing truth. … It’s because we really have not ever dealt with the role truth plays.”

Learn more from Carolyn on this line of thought…

Miigwech bizindaawiyeg. Thank you for listening. Hope it helped. If not, try listening to her entire piece and perhaps clarity will come.

Blessed be.

Doing What I can… With What I Got

Tags

Acceptance, communication, Healing, Honoring Truth, Staying Brave

Just doing a bit of healing this week… with a little re-write of an Ode from Si Kahn

What You Do With What You’ve Got

You must know someone like her
Who, what’s on her mind, can speak
With a brain that’s always thinking
And a past that has been bleak
And a heart that feels for all life
And fears that it may end
She can cry almost the whole day
In hopes for that to mend.

It’s not just what you’re born with
It’s what you choose to bear
It’s not how big your share is
It’s how much you can share
It’s not the fights you dreamed of
It’s the ones you really fought
It’s not what you’ve been given
It’s what you do with what you’ve got

What’s the use of this big love
If she only silent sits
So she writes down all her finest thoughts
Unwinding, for friends, the sticky bits
What’s the use in the words she writes
If not seen by all the rest
So she shares her words out widely
And she hopes for all the best

It’s not just what you’re born with
It’s what you choose to bear
It’s not how big your share is
It’s how much you can share
It’s not the fights you dreamed of
It’s the ones you really fought
It’s not what you’ve been given
It’s what you do with what you’ve got

Between those who stand to protect
The water that gives life
And those in constant power
who bring ongoing strife
Between those who stand together
And those who stand alone
Her hope is with the ones for peace
To save our only home

It’s not just what you’re born with
It’s what you choose to bear
It’s not how big your share is
It’s how much you can share
It’s not the fights you dreamed of
It’s the ones you really fought
It’s not what you’ve been given
It’s what you do with what you’ve got

Will you save our only home?

With Covid, its variants, and insecurities about how jails are taking care… the days of being arrested are over for now. Still proud of holding ground in Bemidji back in August-2018.

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Original:

IT’S NOT JUST WHAT YOU’RE BORN WITH
(Si Kahn)

Chorus:
It’s not just what you’re born with,
It’s what you choose to bear
It’s not how large your share is,
but how much you can share
Oh it’s not the fights you dream of
But those you really fought
It’s not just what your given
But what you do with what you’ve got

You must know someone like him,
He was tall and strong and lean, body like a greyhound,
Mind so sharp and keen
But his heart just like a laurel, grew twisted on itself,
’til almost everything he did brought pain to someone else.

For what’s the use of two strong legs, if you only run away
What good is the finest voice, If you’ve nothing good to say,
What good are strength and muscles, if you only push and shove
What’s the use of two good ears, if you can’t hear those you love.

Between those who use their neighbors, and those who use a cane,
Those in constant power and those in constant pain,
Between those who run to evil and those who cannot run,
Tell me, which ones are the cripples,
And which ones touch the sun?

http://www.lyricsondemand.com/u/unknownlyrics/itsnotjustwhatyourebornwithlyrics.html

Are you ready?

Tags

communication, family, Humanity, spirituality, Time

Have you tired yet?  Will the burden of disconnection ever be so great that it simply must be dropped?

Are you ready for compassion and love to overcome the stifling power of the ego and fear?

FFFFFFFuck Kavanaugh… On Second Thought, Don’t.

Tags

communication, Democrats, Humanity, Justice, Restorative Justice, Sexual Assault, Women

What a whirlwind many of us have been through this past week with the Kavanaugh case.  It’s a roller coaster of emotions for many of us.  I have run the gamut.  And I have realized much about myself and others through this process.  Much thanks goes to my good friend who texted me about this whole mess late Saturday night.  It is she who has brought my perspective back into one that feels most familiar and compassionate.

But before I get to the compassionate part, I have to talk about the bullshit part.  One, because I think we need to establish truth and two, because there is a LOT of humor being generated off this situation.  [Yes, I am a horrible person.]

First, I have to say that lying is my least favorite thing.  Ask my kid.  He could pretty much do anything, and as long as he was honest about it, he’d not get in too much trouble.  But if he lied? There was holy hell to pay.  So, because I hate lying so much, I find it quite comical when someone is revealed in their dishonesty, and I must say, especially when that someone is trying SO HARD to convince the nation that his horrible behavior never happened and that he is, in fact, a complete innocent.  Did you see how he jumped up to take his oath?  It was like watching a performance of Shirley Temple jumping to attention to salute!

So one of the things that came up in a review of Brett’s HS yearbook entry was a question about the Devil’s Triangle.  As you may or may not know, a Devil’s Triangle is “a threesome with 1 woman and 2 men. It is important to remember that straight men do not make eye contact while in the act. Doing so will question their sexuality.”  Well, after Thursday’s hearing, there are a whole bunch of NEW definitions added to Urban Dictionary.  Here are some of my favorite entries. For each definition, there is the definition and then an example of use.  [Note, the links are also full of humor but watch out as they can be rabbit holes…]

Devil’s Triangle

A drinking game invented by Brett Kavanaugh during the time he was running for the supreme court and lying through his ass to the Senate.
It involves three cups in a triangle. It’s a quarters game.

“You know, devil’s triangle. Totally not a sex thing.”

And for more detail on the specific testimony…

Devil’s Triangle

A drinking game involving quarters and three beers where you and your friend Mark Judge sexually assault a woman. Popular with high school kids in the early 80’s, particularly in the D.C. area.

S: Devil’s triangle?
K:Drinking game 
S: How’s it played?
K: Three glasses… In a triangle
S: and? 
K: You ever played quarters?
S: No.
K: Okay… It’s a quarters game.

Or…

Devil’s Triangle

A threesome involving 2 men and 1 woman. Generally one man on each side of the woman who high five after achieving climax, creating a “triangle” type figure.
Or, for Brett Kavanaugh, a drinking game with 3 beers placed in a triangle that utilizes quarters.

Bro, that devil’s triangle was crazy last night! I think our quarters might’ve accidentally touched.

Perhaps the most damning…

Devils Triangle

A drinking game where you get a girl too drunk to consent (and hopefully to resist) to having sex with you and a buddy at the same time. Eye contact is to be avoided to provide plausible deniability to your sexual orientation and any other questions that may come up about the event in the future.

Some of Brett’s favorite drinking games include Devils Triangle and Quarters.

And the most for real…

Devils triangle

A pretend drinking game made up on 9/27/18 by “Honorable” Brett Kavanaughwhen faced with credible allegations of sexual assault put forward by no less than four (so far) women. Devils triangle is a threesome with two men and one woman, not a drinking game like Quarters, as Kavanope would like everyone to believe. Devils triangle can also be defined as a lie told under perjury when a belligerent white male feels cornered when confronted with his own disgusting behavior, most likely with the blessing of a patriarchal and mysogynistic system.

“Devils triangle is a game like Quarters, except its nothing like Quarters and its actually code for a sexual threesome. Please believe me I have told myself these lies so many times I am beginning to believe them. Help I’m a scared white male!” –Brett Kavanaugh, Supreme Court Hearings
“Can you believe the Devils Triangle that that guy just offered under oath?! It’s obvious he’s lying and no sane person would believe this ridiculousness…” –a sane person with common sense, right before a whole bunch of self-serving, corrupt, and close-minded politicians stood by the lie

Note that I’ve not even gone down the Boofing trail…  How stupid do you think we all are, Brett?  Of course, the old white boys on the Right will buy your truckload of bullshit every day of the week! Lucky you!

In addition to the lying, I had issue simply watching him come in and prepare the desk for his testimony. Totally anal.  He’s definitely got issues.

Watching the testimony showed me how immature Brett is and made clear to me that he was a liar.  As just one example, at 1:27:23 in this video, Senator Whitehouse begins questioning on Kavanaugh’s yearbook transcript to determine the meaning of the words he used in it. The questioning shows him go from serious answering (1:28) to becoming incredibly belligerent at 1:29:50 – “I like beer… Do you like beer, Senator? What do you like to drink? Senator, what do you like to drink?”  He sounds like a high school senior trying to defend himself against accusations of him still being a virgin.  Oh, wait, Brett said he WAS still a virgin in high school…  Hmmm. Maybe.  But I’m guessing not for a lack of trying.  Maybe if he’d not been such a drunk he’d have been able to, I don’t know, thoughtfully and respectfully engage with a woman who might find him attractive enough to wish to engage in coitus?

Based on his “responses” (mostly simply dodging the questions) for Whitehouse and Klobuchar, I can’t see HOW ON EARTH this guy is qualified to be a Supreme Court Justice.  He is an immature, angry, belligerent man-child – thank you America Ferrera!  Clearly, this is what FEAR looks like.

And speaking of fear, I also must talk about the cowardly way the Republicans dealt with the entire day Thursday.  They hid behind Mitchell refusing to even ask their own questions of Ford.  I’m not sure of their reasoning in asking another woman to question Ford but I’m guessing it had something to do with not wanting to be seen as attacking her.  As is often typical of white men, in trying to appear like they are helping, they once again come off as disrespectful and sexist.   I don’t think she was hired only to question Ford but she didn’t get too far with Kavanaugh…

Brett’s answers to her initial questions, including about passing out and not remembering things, were ridiculous.  EVERYONE who drank in high school knows, especially if you sometimes drank to excess, that there are ALWAYS times that you don’t remember.  NO ONE has a perfect memory.  And alcohol is REALLY GOOD, especially if you’re in the danger zone on that chart Brett mentioned at making you a non-functioning human who truly doesn’t remember events. You know, the one that tells you how many beers is too many?  This answer alone, that he remembers “everything”, should confirm that he is a tremendous serial liar.  Of course for anyone under 50 [so, none of those mostly white people in the Senate seats], a quick google search confirmed that for you during the Whitehouse questioning on his yearbook quotes…

Ms. Mitchell (1:14 in this video) noted to Brett that this alleged act would be investigated by Maryland Law enforcement if a victim filed a complaint… even to this day.  And he agreed this is fact.  No wonder he is afraid!!  But perhaps he has nothing to fear.  Maryland’s Governor Hogan says their law enforcement will not get involved, likely cementing a win for his Democratic opponent in November, Ben Jealous.

But Ms. Mitchell’s time was up (ironic, no?) when she got to specific questions on Kavanaugh’s creepy calendars.  She was treading quite close to getting into something that might have given us more insight.  The Republicans had hired a professional prosecutor to get to the truth… but apparently only with Ford.  When her questions got a bit too in depth with Brett, all the sudden,  Republicans decided they CAN ask questions themselves!!  Hallelujiah!  It’s a miracle.  Are they seriously this scared of women that they can’t even ask her their questions?  Colin Jost on SNL noted that if they can’t ask questions during a Senate Hearing, then maybe they shouldn’t be Senators.  Also, as Grassley hands things over to Feinstein and she starts to introduce Fotd, you can see Grassley again trying to dig out of a misogyny hole by acting like a sexist asshole.

At 1:33:50 in the video Cornyn lays it out for us all.

CORNYN: So this is not a job interview. You’ve been accused of a crime. If you have lied to the committee and the investigators, that is a crime in and of itself, correct?

KAVANAUGH: That is correct.

CORNYN: So in order to vote against your nomination, we would have to conclude that you are a serial liar.

KAVANAUGH: Yeah.

Yep.  That’s pretty much my conclusion and you fucks voted to push his nomination forward anyway.  Do you have ANY IDEA how this implicates you?  Or is your white privilege so embedded that you truly believe you are untouchable?  Yes, that is the only conclusion I believe I can draw.

I believe SNL captured it completely.  Seriously.  Watch it again.  It’s even better the next time…

OK, but we must return to compassion.  So my friend texted me Saturday evening and we were excitedly discussing how it looks like Kavanaugh is going down, that he will NOT be confirmed to the SCOTUS.  I said we could have a party and “talk shit about that crying baby.” Yes, I was a bit reminiscent of the high school idiot that Kavanagh showed himself to be in his hearing…  Unfeeling, unempathetic, assinine, self-congratulatory.

In the morning, I got from her: “Woke up reminded we are all one. I don’t like that I lacked compassion for another human being, Kavanaugh. The universe knows what is in the highest good of all. May what is in the highest good of all be what occurs.”  And I had to agree: “Aw. You are correct. But it sure feels ugly knowing there is a part of what he is in me! There is a piece of me that knows he is probably hurting. I was thinking this morning that his anger is probably covering his HUGE fear that we are all about to find out his ugly truth. That is a scary place. I hope he realizes that coming clean is a way more positive path. And the one that leads to us most quickly seeing his humanity and thus finding forgiveness possible. The best outcome would be for him and Ford to find peace. And it would be best for all of us to see that restorative justice.”

This is how humane, compassionate, mature people respond to bad behavior.

Though I must admit, I’ve enjoyed the anger and righteousness I’ve been sitting in for the last few days.  There has been much in the Senate hearings to justify anger and righteousness on behalf of women.  But still, I see this as a part of what’s wrong inside me.  Maybe it’s just the process I have to live to find my way forward.

I do often ask, “What is WRONG with people!?!?” We saw a posting at the gas station the other day about an older white couple who are suspected of human trafficking and I was like, “What is WRONG with these people??  What makes you think this behavior is OK??”

Most recently, I have been asking “what is wrong with people?” as I listen to Ford’s account of her sexual assault by Kavanaugh and Judge.  Yes, AND Judge.  He was there.  He was egging on the behavior.  He did nothing to stop it.  He is complicit.  Perhaps this is part of why he had such a horrible drinking problem.  Alcohol is widely used as an antidote to remembering… Problem is, it doesn’t change the truth.  The horrible facts remain, even when we “have no memory” of an incident.

I do believe taking personal accountability for the truth is the way to freedom.  And forgiveness.  If Kavanaugh truly wants redemption, he can come clean.  He can make amends, in whatever way that might occur, and perhaps even his wife and children will be able to forgive him.  But for now, he remains scared and angry.  And I know how that can feel.

I don’t know if there is hope for him spiritually.  But I fear there is a good chance he will be voted in as a SC Justice.  I’ve asked all survivors call the four potential swing Senators and let them know how you feel.  Tell them to vote NO on Kavanaugh.  He is unfit for SCOTUS.  Republicans can do better.  If those two women could have that much influence on Flake with their elevator pitch, imagine what 250,000 of us calling into these four offices to tell them how we feel can have.  Those numbers are hard to ignore whether or not they are your constituents.  They only need to lose two votes.  Call all four and two of them may join us in opposing putting an angry man-child onto the Supreme Court.

Time’s up, motherfuckers.

 

Hope Comes to the Harn

Tags

communication, fun, hope, turtle

So this weekend we finally hosted friends from Alexandria.  Dan and I are members of a group focused on Deep Listening and, while we kind of take the summer off, we decided to do a mini-meet-up for the gang here at the Harn.  It was a wonderful chance for a few new people to experience what we’re doing here and it was great for us to get some more feedback on the place.

We spent some time cleaning up the place which included a thorough sweeping and reorganizing of the porch.  We typically do this clean once in the spring, as we begin spending time on the porch, and once mid-summer to enjoy a clean porch for the fall season.  It is so grand to have everything organized again, especially since Dan has almost finished the wall in the porch to assure no Asian Beetle infestations in the arctic entrance (like we had last year).  Sherry was the one member of the group that stayed overnight and, as the most frequent lodger in the arctic entrance, we’ve named it “Sherry’s Nest”.  It’s her favorite place to stay here at the Harn, this little 7′ x 7′ “nest” in the woods.  Next time, I think she’ll bring her puppy to enjoy it with her.  We think this was her fourth stay, so she’s edging in on Sadie, our most frequent flyer.

We also worked on making a bunch of food: Amish oatmeal, rhubarb/apple crisp, roasted beets and beans, zucchini noodles, and Einkorn bread.  In fact, I’m really glad everyone was an afternoon arrival as I had decided to also cram in canning of 4 quarts of green, yellow, & purple beans from Merry Gardens Farm that morning.  Happily I was able to get most everything done before eleven.  What a busy morning!  We did get to listen in on Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me, which was highly entertaining as usual.

Guests started arriving in early afternoon with Susan and Mike arriving first – bringing fresh bread and hard cider, quickly followed by Sherry with Surly and sugar-free soda.  Lee and Reed were delayed by a turtle rescue near Itasca Park.  Said turtle was nicked by a passing driver, breaking the back end of the shell.  We quickly fixed it with, of all things, duct tape, and set the turtle into the yard to explore.  We named the turtle Hope and Hope found shelter in the shade and took a little snooze.  Hours later, as we headed out for a forest walk after a fine meal pulled together with watermelon and hummus from Lee, and we found Hope had headed off to new adventures.  We anticipate seeing the turtle again as we welcome this woods becoming a new home for Hope.

As I said, these friends are from our group that practices Deep Listening and I’d suggested that if we wanted to have a session, I thought Hope would be a good topic.  Our fearless leader, Lee, had looked for a topic and found one that seemed good, though not exactly Hope.  When she went to print out the quotes and discussion questions, the book magically opened to a study guide for Welcoming Hope!  Five of us enjoyed a lively, thoughtful, and thought provoking discussion of this topic.  Here are some of the things I gleaned from it:

• One member suggested that the seeds of hope are planted in times of strife. As I thought on this I realized that, indeed, when one is faced with “enough” of any negative situation, it does instill action with a sense of hope that things must improve.  I think about the Black Lives Matter movement and #MeToo.  These people were like, “This is enough, it’s time to stand, no matter what.” And look at the differences that are being made – slow progress, maybe, but progress nonetheless.  [I did hear that there is potential that Michael Brown’s case may be brought up for review in Ferguson and, investigating that realized that his mother is running for City Council – yahoo!  Here’s MSNBC coverage, Wesley Bell comes in about 5:35 to speak about his reasons for running and his victory.  Another win for The People!!]
• One shared simply that hope is an attitude that, when held, makes every day more happy, even if all that is hoped may not materialize.  It is my experience that, when I am hopeful, I am happier.  Hopes being dashed is difficult.  But I believe hope held is a most critical aspect of continuing to move forward in working for a cause.
• I commented on my current waning hope in the fight against Line 3 but was encouraged by one sharing that hope is perhaps more importantly about intention and motivation than it is about goals and outcomes.  The hope is in the process, I do see that.  I noted that, while we lost at Standing Rock in that the DAPL was built, we made huge progress in opening the eyes of many and, just this past week, a federal judge was set to rule on whether the DAPL line would need to stop pushing crude.  It seems that since the permits were issued without a proper review of the environmental impacts, the situation warrants reconsideration.  Here’s MPR’s coverage. The ruling was expected by August 10th but has been delayed until month end.  It seems some remain skeptical based on the last comment in this article.  Watching current events as those in power continue to side with corporations and rather than citizens, who can blame them?  But my realization was that, even my current work that may result in Line 3 still being built in Minnesota, is important work and I need to get back on the horse and continue to ride forward.

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.   ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

How are we to act?

Tags

communication, Women

A male friend on FB recently posted this: “Ladies, when I’m walking by you on a street, or in a hallway, what is your preferred protocol? Eye contact? Avoid? Smile or no smile? Etc..”

I replied:

I always like eye contact and a smile. But I believe there is sometimes the truth of intention that sneaks out… so if you’re feeling something inappropriate in the contact, keep it cool.  They say if you look down, you’re invisible.  Maybe try looking invisible if you’re up to no good.  But you’d never be up to no good, eh?

I just think smiling at everyone with an intention of sharing happiness is the way to go.  I am constantly smiling at people – maybe they think I’m crazy… but sometimes I get a smile back that lets me know it was a good decision.  I think there are many of us who feel alone and sometimes a smile from a stranger can give us a feeling of belonging, even for just a moment.

It seems every day we hear of another sexual harassment perpetrator.  People are coming out of the woodwork with stories. And perps are admitting their faults!  It’s becoming a topic that we’re all discussing and I am hopeful that this communication will lead to a better understanding for us all.

Sometimes there is confusion about what constitutes harassment and I think this is worth discussing.  Here’s why.

I spent 23 years in the steel industry and saw quite a lot in that time when it comes to workplace harassment.  One of the secretaries in the steel mill had a sign above her desk that read, “I Don’t Report Sexual Harassment.  I Grade it.”  I kind of love this.  I mean, it puts a spin on the whole thing and (hopefully) let’s people know they need to think hard about their actions… I mean, you’re being graded for goodness sake!   I do believe it can give power to the intended victim.  Simply refuse to take the harassment and instead view yourself as a judge of it.  Give it a C- and let them know, it was a lame attempt.  Let them see that they do not hold power over you.

Seriously, as much as I don’t appreciate someone forcing themselves on another, I think sometimes we just need to talk with each other to help people be aware of what is offensive to us. Yes, some things are pretty common sensical… Don’t kiss a co-worker and force your tongue into her mouth, Mr. Oreskes.

But sometimes the things that bug us aren’t so easy to know.   Most of us aren’t mind readers.  Some of us are not very good body language readers either!  And sometimes people’s actions are completely innocent but still remain offensive.  I think sometimes, before you just run to report something, you should have a conversation to clarify your needs.  For example, if me saying the F-word is offensive, then you need to let me know.  Especially if we’re working in a steel mill where this is standard vocabulary most days.

Yes, this was something that happened to me.  I had two co-workers who reported me to a superior for cursing, never having mentioned it to me beforehand.  [I think it was more a personal attack as many people in the office used colorful language but these two didn’t complain about the other folks…]  I did honor their sensitivity and refrained from cursing in future conversations with them.  But I would have honored their request has they simply spoken up to ask me if I could avoid swearing.  I guess it’s easier to ask someone else to ask me to do that?  OK, this is my point: Can’t we just talk with each other!

Same workplace, same timeframe, different people.  I used to say, “Jesus” or “Oh, God!” at times and I had a couple fellow workers who were strong Orthodox Christians.  They mentioned that this was bothersome and moving forward I made a conscious effort to not use these types of phrases in front of them.  It was a way more friendly way to address the issue and we ended up having much deeper conversations about the whole idea, which enriched all our lives and brought us closer.  I even attended a service at their church!  It was really interesting too.  Isn’t that a better way to deal with this kind of thing?

There are definitely situations where you can’t deal with the person directly, but when you can, I say try it.  If it doesn’t resolve, then you can go up the chain of command. But if it’s something obscure, or something everyone else is doing but it only bothers you when HE does it, I don’t think it’s fair to simply report something without letting the person know what it is that is unacceptable first.  That said, some things are just obviously NOT acceptable.  For example, sticking your tongue in a co-worker’s ear.  [Yes, this happened to me at that same steel mill.  The way it was dealt with was quite interesting too.  But that’s a story for another day.]

So there are a lot of work situations involving harassment, but sexual assault is something that happens in many situations and circumstances.  And I am glad to hear more people talking about what we’ve experienced and how we can work towards better respecting each other in our interactions.

I don’t know what we can do to heal it all and I’m sure it’s different for every person who has been affected by sexual abuse.  I know that my personal story with it is complex.  And while I feel as if I’ve healed, there is always a chance that something remains to be resolved.

Remember that smiling thing I mentioned?  My husband once told me that it might send a wrong message.  And he’s probably right… dare I say especially when it comes to men?  Is it true that a woman smiling at you makes you think she wants you, men?  Like wants to go to bed with you?? I am sure that’s not true 100% of the time.  But unfortunately it’s likely true more than I wish it was.  I’m sure with certain kinds of people, they may think I mean more with a smile than I do.  But all I really mean to say is, “Hey!  Isn’t it great to be alive? I hope you have a happy day!”  Kind of like the human in me reaching out with some happiness to the human in you.  🙂

I know that a smile is not what got me into the sexual assault situation I experienced – at least not the night it happened.  I was with a boyfriend.  He was a few years older than me [which in hindsight was probably not a good decision on my part] and we’d been dating for a few months.  We’d been drinking that night and we were in a house with lots of people who’d been drinking.  But we were in a room alone while most of the others were in an adjacent room.  I won’t go into detail but I will say that I said, “No.”  Multiple times.  He was much bigger than me and he got his way.  Sexual intercourse when you don’t want it is not fun.  I felt like dirt.  The next morning, I couldn’t look at him.  I couldn’t speak to him.  I pretty much couldn’t speak to anyone.  I do recall that we went with a group of friends to a concert later that night.  I wouldn’t look at him or talk with him.  He kept trying to talk with me and I just couldn’t communicate back in any way.  In the middle of the concert, I smacked him across the face.  Hard.  It was the only message I could relay.  Luckily, he didn’t hit me back.  The relationship ended for him in that slap.  It ended the previous evening for me.

I don’t know that I truly processed what it all meant at the time.  I mostly just closed down around the whole thing.  I was a teenager.  I thought I told my parents but it’s been so many years ago now, I’m not sure I can recall correctly.  What I do recall is the exact moment I realized the truth about my reaction to the event.  It had had a bigger effect on me than I was previously able to comprehend.

The realization occurred many years after the date rape.  I was at a new boyfriend’s apartment.  We were disagreeing about something and I decided I was going to go home.  I got up and walked outside and then… I remembered that I hadn’t driven there!  So I started walking up the hill toward my place – about 8 miles away.  It had just started snowing and the boyfriend, who’d  followed me out of the house, now started following me up the hill asking to please let him drive me home.  I was stubborn.  I insisted I could walk home.  In frustration, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, turned me around, and started marching me back down the hill so he could take me home or settle the argument.  And in that moment, I completely lost it.

I literally started screaming.  I came unglued.  In that instant of him taking control to strong arm me into going where he wanted me to go, I had a realization.  I had been telling myself, “Never again will I let that happen.”  I had said it so many times in my head, that I thought it was a given.  In the end, I realized what it truly had always been… a pipe dream.  And that frightened me immensely.

When I screamed, the boyfriend immediately let me go.  He had no idea what was happening.  I was sobbing and walking back the way we’d come, numbly making my way back down the hill.  He quickly followed, trying to ask me what was wrong.  He ran around me and stood in front of me.  I couldn’t speak.  He wrapped his arms around me and told me everything was OK.  He was sorry.  He said we’d fix it.  He hugged me tight and walked me back to his place.

Back in the apartment, the previous argument forgotten, I eventually regained my voice and was able to explain to him what had happened.  He was angry about that other guy.  He asked what he could do but there was really nothing in that moment he could do.  It was something I was going to have to walk through on my own.  Maybe I’m still walking through it.

What I do know is that he was the kind of guy who made sure I knew he loved me.  He was concerned about my feelings.  He wanted to help.  He was never the kind of guy who would force himself on me.  But from that point, he knew to take extra care, to stop if things got squirrelly during sex.  He was patient.  He played a big part of helping me get through my feelings about it all.

My husband is also a kind and patient man.  He knows of my past experience.  He knows how to be aware if I get sketchy – which has only happened a couple times during our relationship and hasn’t happened in a long time at this point.  He knows how to make me feel loved and respected, how to not force his needs if I’m not comfortable.  Basically, he knows how to be a mature, loving man.

I am grateful for these kinds of men.  Those who are thoughtful enough to realize that only when a woman truly wants to be involved with you is it right.  Those who are concerned about how they affect women and are now asking their women friends, “What’s okay?”  {Thanks, Ben!}  And I hope the conversations continue.  Women need to ask men too.  Questions like, “What do you think when a woman smiles at you?”

I know every situation is unique but every time we talk through this, it brings the ideas to our consciousness, and this means we can begin to live more intentionally.  If we keep talking, we can find deeper understanding and act in ways that are loving and acceptable.  We can avoid the discomfort brought on by inappropriate behavior.  And maybe we can even start to solve other interpersonal problems and communication breakdowns.

There’s hope, right?

Let’s keep talking.

Photo credit: Planned Parenthood Action Fund  https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/issues/sexual-assault

Oh, by the way!  My lovely friends Rita Koll and Sylvia Luetmer, along with many brave souls in Alexandria, Minnesota, [including my parents!!] were honored last week with the 2017 Courage Award in Minneapolis.  Congratulations to all you wonderful people!!

Health Care Antics

Tags

communication, health care

This week I had one more realization of how our health care system is so broken.

I am starting service with a new clinic and they emailed me an Authorization for Disclosure of Protected Health Information form to complete.  This will give my old clinic permission to send my records to my new clinic.  The new clinic is only requesting records from 9/1/2015 to present which is a pretty small amount of information I believe, since I rarely go to the doctor.

Anyway, so I completed the form and scanned it in and emailed it back to the address from which it came.  I got a return error…

Apparently, this was a no-response email address.

So I called the clinic… first to listen to their answering machine and then again days later when the office was open again as they don’t allow you to leave a message so they can get back to you when they have time.  You just have to call when the office is open.  You still have to listen to a message when you call but if you sit patiently for a while, your call “will be answered in the order in which it was received”.

The gal who answered the phone was not the same one to whom I spoke previously and who sent me the form.  This new gal said I could fax it and I explained that I don’t have a fax machine.  She asked if I wanted to mail it and I said, “No, I’d like to send it electronically, the same way you sent it to me, so you have it right away and can get the ball rolling. I’d imagine your office has an email address to which these kinds of documents can be sent.  This is the 21^st century after all.” OK, I know that last part was not really necessary but, for God’s sake, shouldn’t our medical clinics HAVE and USE the latest technology?

She let me know that the person who sent the letter would typically handle it.  So I asked if she could give me her email address.  She then reluctantly and slowly (because she doesn’t know it by heart) gave me HER OWN email address at the clinic.  I sent the document and she said, “Yep, it looks like I got it.  I’ll print it out and fax it to where it needs to go.”

WTF??

So, yes, in trying to work electronically, the clinic will still use a piece of paper to print this document and THEN, generate another piece of fax paper – are we really still use these things??? – to get the job done.  Why couldn’t she simply forward my message to the gal’s email who had originally worked with me?  Better yet, why didn’t she have that person’s email to provide to me directly?

No wonder health care is so expensive.  This is a lot of steps and I imagine there is some kind of scanning that will then be done to keep a record of the document.  Which could all have been avoided if they simply knew how to use electronically emailed documents in the first place!

I really thought that the ACA was going to help all clinics go electronic, not only for this kind of communication, but also for sending records from one clinic to another.  With this antiquated system still in use, I’m guessing that my paper records may still be in transit when I arrive for my appointment later this month.

Serendipity

Tags

communication

So I love how things just “happen” in life at what seems like just the right time and in a totally unexpected way.  I do think you have to keep your eyes open to see them coming but sometimes they are just real obvious.  And sometimes you have to reach out to capitalize on them when serendipitous moments arise.

This past month I worked the Hostel and there was a great young lady there.  She was reading a book about intentional living and so I mentioned to her that I was trying to live more intentionally.  I basically said that my husband and I had decided to move to the woods and live more sustainably and simply and that we were “happier than ever”.  A couple hours later, she stopped by the office and said something like, “I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier about being happier than ever…”  So I said, “Let’s sit and chat awhile.”  Here she is, considering life and how she really wants to live it and she runs into someone who has decided for themselves how to make this transition to a more meaningful life and was available to chat.

We spent the next hour and a half talking about all kinds of things.  I learned about her world travels, her work experiences, her family and I shared about my life today, some of what led me to where I am, and some of the challenges to making this shift in life.  It was a fun and fulfilling conversation and I applaud her for having the gumption to reach out to me and ask for more on an idea that intrigued her.  And I was tickled to hear more about her story.

We’d invested a couple hours of time in sharing life stories and those little details will carry us forward and make impacts small and large on how we weave our upcoming adventures.  I think we both left hoping for the best future for the other.

At the end of the weekend, a friend texted asking if it was okay for her and another friend (just an acquaintance to me) to stop by the Harn as they were travelling to the area.  I replied, “Sure. We’re making chicken and chorizo but if we need a veggie option I can make some soup.  Let me know.  What time?”  She said they should arrive around 6.

Well, the friend she was bringing was a Producer/Director for a Film Company.  They just happened to be doing a short film on the Paddle to Protect project – you may remember that from a previous blog.  Dan and I were big supporters of these courageous kids as they made their way from the Headwaters of the Mississippi to Big Sandy Lake spreading a message for us to “Love Water Not Oil” and fight the Line 3 project currently pending approval in Minnesota.  These kids get that Water is more important to Life than Oil.  They know that if they want a planet that will support their right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, it will require clean water and air.  And they are approved as Youth Climate Interveners in the legal battle against Enbridge.

Well, this filmmaker could not believe she’d lucked into staying at a place where there would be people so aware and connected to the project so… she decided to interview us for the film!  She kept saying “Serendipity” and I knew exactly what she meant.  It’s kind of funny how things seem magical sometimes but I find it often in my life.

I don’t know that we’ll get much of a part in the short film but it was really interesting to talk with these two powerful young women in the fight against the Fossil Fuel Industry.  And it felt good to hear about the work they are doing to support these young people in their fight.

I don’t know what life will bring next, but once we have a link for the film, I’ll be sure to share it with you all.

P.S. Sorry for the crappy graphic… I’ll have to spend some time with my son getting tutored on how to do things like this better.  😀

Privileged to be Here

Tags

common sense, communication, Privilege, Rec Lab

An interesting thing happened recently to someone I know.  You may have heard about it on the news.  It has made me think about how Privileged I am so this is my discussion for this week’s blog.

A friend of mine, Kima Hamilton, was asked to leave the plane on which he was awaiting takeoff because Delta felt that his going to the bathroom while they were sitting on the tarmac constituted a requirement to remove him from the airplane.  The plane had been waiting for take-off for an hour.  There was no apparent consideration given to the natural need of a human to relieve himself as being normal and necessary.  Kima was forced to purchase another ticket with another airline at three times the cost to make his way home in time to be with his students the following morning.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/man-kicked-delta-flight-bathroom-plane-waited-article-1.3106952

Kima is over six-foot tall, a black man sporting dreadlocks.  At first glance, and with all our cultural programming, he can seem scary to a white person.  He’s big, black and strong.  I get that.  I know prejudice against blacks is built into me as a white person raised in America.  It’s all over our news, it’s built into the way our whole society runs from politics to economics to housing to jobs to justice.  But once Kima opens his mouth, you realize he is a gentle giant.  Once you see his smile, you feel the rays of sunshine pouring from him into you.  It’s instant love.  He is likely the most gentlemanly person I’ve ever had the chance to meet.  And, even when you ask a thoughtless question, trying to find some comprehension but in the most white-privileged of ways, he answers you with calm and thoughtful consideration.  He leaves you realizing the vastness of his patience and the enormity of his contemplation.  OK, here’s how it went down two years ago…

I was walking with Dasha Kelly (Kima’s wife) and Kima and, after confirming they would be open to a serious question on my mind, asked, “Is being black kind of like being fat?  I mean, I forget that I’m fat sometimes and think I’m a normal sized person like most of the people around me.  Is it ever like that for you?”  Dasha and I ripped into an analysis of this and bantered back and forth as we walked along to the Dining Hall at Rec Lab.  Then she looked at him and asked, “What do you think, Kima.” In a quiet and calm manner, he said, “I never forget I’m black.”  Boom.  The realization of my ignorance came at me full force.  How unaware I am!  I never have to deal with the color of my skin being an instant piece of information for people to decide who I am.  I have no comprehension of how it feels to be judged so instantaneously and, more often than not, in a negative way.  How great must be his strength, emotionally and spiritually, to not lash back in anger at this ongoing and persistent dilemma? I was astounded.

Kima also did an amazing performance of a piece of his spoken word poetry that week at Rec Lab that brought home the feelings of being a black man stopped by the police.  It was a powerful thing.  I was left with tears in my eyes.  But I don’t have to live with that every day.  He does.  I guess the possibility of losing your life for a mis-spoken word may give power to your ability to stay calm.  I am sure I do not have this skill.  I would have been dead a long time ago if I’d been born black.  Being angry and outspoken is another benefit of my Privilege.

Here are some posts from some on FB of Kima’s Delta event:

• This is my friend and colleague of over ten years, Kima Hamilton. He is a talented spoken word artist/poet, a devoted father and husband, a respected teacher, a damn good DJ, and one of the kindest, meekest and humblest men I have ever had the privilege of befriending. If anyone was ever able to diffuse a potentially volatile situation with common sense, humor, compassion and genuine goodwill it would be THIS MAN. Shame on Delta for targeting him for his looks, and creating a problematic situation where there truly was none. … The part at the end where they describe him apologizing to his fellow passengers for the inconvenience was the icing on the cake. That is PURE KIMA!!!
• Anyone who has ever met Kima Hamilton knows that he a kind and gentle soul; it just gets under my skin that things like this are happening everywhere. Have we really become more concerned with “rules” than treating human beings with dignity and respect? I understand the need for flight safety, but there has to be a better way than this. #FightThePower#HumanDecency
• This is crazy! Kima Hamilton is so calm n nice alllllll the time!!!  http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/delta-employees-asked-man-leave-flight-after-using-restroom-videos-n751811
• Kima Hamilton is one one of the nicest you’ll ever meet. I’m sure he meant no disrespect.
• My poor friend Kima Hamilton, how dare they do this to you! You handled yourself so well tho. But I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you. :)Love ya Kima!!
• [And maybe my favorite] Kima Hamilton, I’m impressed by how you handled this and glad that your fellow passengers spoke up and made video and wrote about it. I can imagine I might have been granted more leeway had this been me, and so I appreciate you using the occasion to bring up the way you have to walk through the world evaluating situations based on the body you’re in as a Black man.

Less than a minute of going to the bathroom resulted in hours of delay for everyone.  Ridiculous.

“My take-away from this experience is that I will not be flying Delta again. Who treats a person like this? Have you forgotten that the people that pay to fill the seats are actually human beings who sometimes have emergencies (like having to use the bathroom when you have been waiting on the plane for an hour)?” ~ A fellow passenger, Krista Rosolino, and lawyer who recorded the events

So, was what he did illegal?  Here’s a legal link (bold print is my addition): http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/tarmac-delays-airline-passenger-rights-33011.html

New Rules Protect Airline Passengers

New U.S. Department of Transportation regulations on tarmac delays went into effect in late April 2010. So how do the new rules protect air passengers? Here are some highlights:

• Airlines must return planes to the gate and let passengers off any time a flight is sitting on the tarmac for three hours.
• Airlines must provide passengers with adequate food and water within the first two hours of any tarmac delay.
• Adequate toilet facilities must be maintained and made available to passengers during the delay.

What is Kima’s take?

“Was race a factor? Yes. How did I feel? Like another Tuesday. Even if I’m right, as a man of color, I have to calculate when to advocate for myself and when to let things slide, how to preserve my dignity and protect myself from harm. The full letter of the law that Delta keeps referencing actually allows for common sense discretion, but the flight attendant chose not to treat me with compassion or respect. She conveniently reported me as ‘unruly’ which was proven untrue. These are the microaggressions we have to process every day. I waited as long as I could. Communicated at every step. Was mindful not to appear ‘threatening,’ and still, here are two FBI agents with instructions to arrest me? How do I pay money for a flight and be left at the mercy of a crew that doesn’t care about the passengers in every seat?? How do I complain and not be dismissed as ‘the angry black guy’? What do I want? A healthy dialogue about decency. About the abuses in airport culture. About corporate responsibility from Delta and accountability for the unnecessary extremes enacted by an employee. I want us to acknowledge how quickly this unremarkable event became a volatile incident and how easily it could have ended in tragedy. You could be interviewing my wife or mother right now because of a string of events set in motion by a power-tipsy flight attendant. What I want is the return of human dignity.” ~Kima Hamilton

With all this talk of Kima, I have to also give a shout out to his partner, Dasha Kelly.  She is the reason I got a chance to meet him.  She was our main speaker at Rec Lab two years ago and they both presented material.  She, a force of nature in her encouragement and teaching, a gentle breeze of critique.  He, a ferociously honest spoken word artist, a warm hug of comfort.  They are a perfect pair.  That sunshine you feel when Kima smiles at you?  Dasha has that same magic with her words.  You instantly fall in love with her.  I admit I had just read her book Almost Crimson – a delightful and insightful read – so was already in Groupie mode when I met her face to face.  But watching everyone else at Lab, hearing this year how many folks missed the two of them being at camp, I’m pretty sure they are just as buoyantly lovable as I hold them in my heart to be.  Here’s a beautiful story of a student of Dasha’s from recent news: https://www.facebook.com/88nine/videos/10154439929702478/

So what has this led me to?  A real evaluation of Privilege and consideration of what I can do to alleviate the systemic ways we sustain it.  A wonderful article by Peggy McIntosh (sadly, from 1988 – how slowly we learn) on the topic can be found here: https://nationalseedproject.org/white-privilege-and-male-privilege This article is beautifully written and is followed up with a summary of talking points to consider in addressing the topic.  I will readily admit to my own shortcomings in applying them – I am such a bull in a china shop when I get passionate about an idea.   There is much to learn from this piece and I encourage you to take the time to read it along with the talking points.  If we can all incorporate the concept and work towards a more egalitarian way of life, the world will be a better place.

Being at Rec Lab also taught me a real lesson on my Physical Ability Privilege.  It was so interesting to see the world a bit more from the perspective of friends Roxanne and Dorothy who use wheelchairs for locomotion.  Being in Roxanne’s specially designed vehicle was an eye-opener to how much work goes into simply getting from one place to another.  Her strength is amazing.  And that is one of the key points to the article above.  “…’Privilege’ may confer power, it does not confer moral strength…. In some groups, those dominated have actually become strong through not having all of these unearned advantages, and this gives them a great deal to teach the others. Members of so-called privileged groups can seem foolish, ridiculous, infantile, or dangerous by contrast.”  Yes, I can see how foolish I often sound to one who deals with having to work twice as hard to earn half as much.

Even in my attempting to speak with Roxanne and Dorothy about the ideas for wheelchair access, I was clumsy.  And once I realized how much I didn’t know, I wanted everyone to know.  I found occasions through the week at Lab to move chairs or let someone know we might want to be sure we have wheelchair access.  I was not always graceful in these efforts.  I forget how uncomfortable it can be for any of us to confront ideas with which we are not familiar, especially when we are also feeling chastised for not being more aware.  I have such a curiousity that I jump in and try to work on better comprehension and often don’t realize how I leave behind ideas of helping others gracefully walk with me.  Instead, I am like a computer gathering data, knowing I will work on putting all the pieces together later.  I am an enthusiastic newcomer wanting to take in as much about the new idea as I can.  I often ask dumb questions, thoughtlessly.  I direct people or make offers to share on the idea and am often not appreciated or seen as helpful. 🙂  But from those who deal every moment with others who don’t understand, I often find kindness and understanding. They calmly answer my questions.  Gently correct my perceptions.  Show me ways I can help or understand them.

I know I am where I am due to Privilege.  While I experienced my own place of disadvantage when it came to my sex and my size, I faced so little of what others face in a daily way.  I never had to worry too much about being accepted for the most part, knowing life would be easy by-and-large.  Even when things seemed tough, I could usually retain faith that all would work out for the best.  I always had a roof over my head, never went hungry, found it easy to get a job when I needed one, never was dragged to jail (even when I’d done something that likely deserved it).  Many do not have this pleasure.  Many have to deal with an uphill battle that is unrecognized and often invisible to the majority.

It’s a good thing to reflect on my luck of birth.  And to think about how life may be from a perspective of not being so lucky.  I have the privilege of being born white, middle-class, tall, healthy and in America. For all our faults here in this country, we live in ease compared with much of the rest of the world.  And in some ways, this is a good place to be as a person dealing with being in a minority or a class deemed as “inferior”.  There are laws that help assure fair treatment.  Unfortunately, these laws are not always enforced or abided.  We’ve made some progress through the decades… slow, sometimes back-and-forth progress, but some.  But there are many places way ahead of us in dealing with human rights and treating ALL people with dignity and respect.  I am hopeful that instances like the one Kima faced will give us all a moment to think and thus allow us a chance to live in a more humane and compassionate way with everyone around us, not just those in our own groups… who look, walk, talk, worship and love like we do.

Peace.

Public Hearing on the Enbridge Line 67 Border Crossing

Tags

activism, communication

The Department of State held a Public Hearing in Bemidji last week.  I attended along with hundreds of others.  I heard there were Enbridge representatives present, though I wasn’t aware of any.  The majority of those present were in opposition to the approval of a border crossing for Line 67 (previously called the Alberta Clipper).

Earlier in the afternoon, dozens of people met at Rail River Folk School where there were several speakers including Brandy Toft, Lindsey Ketchel, Jason Edens, Erica Bailey-Johnson, and Winona LaDuke.  The final speaker – apparently ad hoc? – was Marty Cabenais but I was astonished to see him on stage as I’d met him the previous night but had no idea he was a pipeline guy (or I’m sure we’d have chatted away quite a bit more – mostly I was cooing over his new grandchild).  I found out later that he’s also my mailman.  Small world in rural parts!

While I knew Winona was going to speak – really wish I’d heard her and hope there is a link to hear the earlier talks – I arrived just in time to hear a portion of Marty’s sharing.  It was really wonderful to see the large group of people who braved the cold to walk from Rail River to Sanford Center – a 2 mile walk in blustery cold winter winds.  Sylvia and I drove to Sanford hoping to be able to walk back to meet the group and return to Sanford with them but we realized it was quite cold and we’d be walking into the wind.  We decided to drive to meet the group and see if there were any people who needed a ride to finish their journey.  We didn’t get any takers and we were amazed to see how quickly they made their way on this route.  I was excited to be able to film them coming into Sanford.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufR-qTMZeH8

There were some chants and callbacks along the march to the event and on arrival. But the real treat was seeing the jingle dress dancers and hearing the singing and drumming. Varied spontaneous chants began from a number of people with everyone joining in as we caught the pattern. We were quite cold so headed inside to see the Hearing Room.  There were a few dozen people from Duluth/Grand Rapids and close to or over 100 from The Cities there to speak their concern regarding this pipeline.

The format of the meeting was posters with representatives to answer questions which really limited the information sharing to a few people at a time with much repetition.  There was no overall communication where all participants would hear the same information.  There were a few tables over which the presenter could show papers or the Environmental Impact Study while discussing questions but most stations were simply a standing place with a poster on an easel.  There was a video presentation with a couple dozen chairs and about 12-15 round tables with chairs for people to gather and relax.  You had to wander the room and figure out who could answer what questions by looking at the poster they stood adjacent to.  Oh, and some of the representatives are actually consultants.  Security from the Department of State in DC was also flown in for this hearing.

The event had no real format other than citizens milling about seeking answers.  The only announcements were when the event was opened and when it ended.  There were displays by the people in opposition to Line 67.  There was a Native circle dance, there was a film-crew recording, several news people doing interviews and filming the crowd.  Many felt like the State Dept people were uninformed/evasive/overly positive about pipelines.  I had some disturbing experiences with a couple reps – VERY UNINFORMED & VERY DEFENSIVE – but also some good interactions.

The attorney representing on the Presidential decree seemed to have a VERY limited understanding of the issue.  She looked at me like I had two heads when I asked about the legality of the switcharoo. http://www.oilandgas360.com/alberta-clipper-pipeline-faces-opposition-keystone-xl-vote/ https://insideclimatenews.org/news/20140917/state-department-draws-fire-allowing-tar-sands-pipeline-detour   When I explained that this was the Line 3 border crossing which was used to get line 67 crude across the border prior to getting approval for its own border crossing, she said she had no idea what I was talking about and backed away from me like I was a witch or goblin, like she was so uncomfortable as to not want to be in my presence. She truly looked frightened. It was so over the top I struggled to comprehend her fear.  She said she didn’t like the way the conversation was going and she didn’t want to talk with me any longer.  I asked if, as the attorney in the room, she might have an understanding of the legality of the happenings upon which this whole event is based and she said she “only knows about the Presidential Permit”.  Then she basically was able to read the poster.  [I had several people share with me that they had a similar experience with her where she had no answers and was very defensive.]  I decided to cut bait and find a better informed and more willing representative.  I found a woman who seemed to have a level of authority in the room and she directed me to the Engineer whose company had written the Supplemental Environmental Impact Study (SEIS) for the border crossing.

I spent quite a bit of time with the Civil Engineer and consultant company Project Manager, Fred Carey, from Potomac-Hudson Engineering, Inc.  He was being challenged by three people when I arrived.  And I was piling on.  He got pretty defensive but described himself as “objective”.  I think he was in a really tough situation but stayed pretty calm and definitely answered questions, though would not answer our questions about his personal beliefs on the pipeline.  Fred was able to review the SEIS and direct us to areas on which we had questions.  The big question was how does Enbridge monitor areas that are remote and inaccessible.  There was not a real confident answer to this question.  When questioned whether he’d walked the pipeline, whether he’d been to any of the remote areas, he agreed he’d not.  It was stated that, without seeing the property where this pipeline runs, there is no way he can give an accurate appraisal of the effect it will have on the environment.

Among multiple participants, we all agreed he was probably the best person we’d found that night that was willing to try to answer questions.  About the only person really.  Mary Hassell – how’s that for a name? – is the State Department Project Manager for this work and she was the only other person who seemed willing and capable of answering questions.  She came across also as nervous.  It was really strange to see so many people exhibiting fear and pleading ignorance in this Public Hearing which you would assume to be filled with confident, well-spoken, forthright, well-informed representatives from the US Department of State.  I mean, they flew in dozens of people it seemed.  And there was a massive security presence – always a cop or USDoS officer in view. But this didn’t appear to quell fear in the visiting representatives.

I did meet John Enger from MPR News – he was preparing to talk with Winona LaDuke and I asked who he was with as he had a large microphone in his hand.  Told him I LOVE MPR and would listen for him now that I had a face with the name.  Another older woman (Emily) also came up about the same time to greet Winona and when she realized we were both in line, she started to walk away but I told her to stay – she could be after John.  So when Winona freed up, Joe grabbed her for an interview.  Emily and I chatted and I found out that she actually lived in Noblesville for 2 months when her husband was on a 2-year stint as the Director of Connor Prairie.  Small world!  I had shared with her a neat story of Winona that she really loved. As Winona wrapped up with Joe, I called to her so Emily could say hello and I walked on to my next adventure.  I ran into Winona later and she asked me to tell her the story too.  Pretty exciting for this Groupie!

Had an unexpected encounter that was a real joy. After seeing her three times and thinking, “I know this girl” (but feeling unsure as she was not with the normal associates I see her with)… I was elated when Brandy Toft came up and gave me a hug.  I asked where her partner was and she reported that she was here on official business – turns out she is a Leech Lake Environmental Advisor.  [As you highly observant folks will remember from above, she was one of the Rail River speakers.  I was doubly sorry to have arrived late.]  It was a great joy to introduce her to Sylvia who was sure Brandy would be a great contact for Sadie, her daughter who is studying oil issues and will be stateside soon.

All-in-all, I felt a vibe of not really seeing how the public viewpoint was really going to matter much.  I think there was a feeling by many that this was more a dog-and-pony show than anything that will truly be considered and possibly make a difference.  But it was good to feel the solidarity of the crowd, participate in the shout-outs and see some media presence.  It was good to see so many people participating in civic responsibility.  I did ask every representative with whom I spoke that night, “What does all this matter really? If 90% of us all say we’re in opposition, will it truly change anything?” and what I got in response was a lot of cheerleading for the process.  “This is the most exciting part of our work.” “It’s so important to have citizen input.”  “There will be a response to every one of the public comments.” [I found out later it’s every “unique” comment.  So only every topic will be addressed, not every comment.]  No one would commit to whether or not the public comments would really make a difference in the decision made by the US Department of State.

Here are several links regarding the event:

http://www.honorearth.org/bemidjiclipper

News Coverage of the event:

http://www.mprnews.org/story/2017/03/08/hundreds-protest-proposed-alberta-clipper-oil-expansion

http://www.bemidjipioneer.com/news/4230774-pipeline-opponents-supporters-gather-bemidji-meeting-enbridge-expansion-request

Fun fact: I think I was the last person to submit public comment via the computers at the event which were logged in to www.Regulations.gov.  The gal providing tech support was Jamie and I noted that I was also Jami.  A third gal came up while we were getting me set to make my comment – she had a question – and it turns out she is Jaime.  We had to take a photo.  That’s Jaime, Jamie and Jami. 🙂

Here’s the comment I posted as the evening came to a close:

Agency: U.S. Department of State (DOS)
Document Type: Nonrulemaking
Title: Environmental Impact Statements; Availability, etc.: Proposed Enbridge Energy, Limited Partnership Line 67 Expansion Project; Public Meeting
Document ID: DOS-2017-0009-0001

Comment:
With everything there is some level of risk. And this study is geared to assess the risk. Having not yet read it in detail, I will make general comments here.
What do we know for sure? We know that we got the run-around from Enbridge in using Line 3 to work around the fact that they did not have approval to cross the border with Line 67. This deception should clearly show the lengths to which they are willing to go to make a dime.
We know that water is essential for life. And we know that oil pipelines tend, more and more of late, to leak. We also know that this oil in Line 67 is some of the worst of the worst, the most corrosive of products, the most energy intensive from which to gain energy. Are we truly considering how much energy goes in to getting a product to make energy? Are we at the point of insanity where we’re expending more on this than we’re gaining?
And we should all see the changing and worsening effects on our climate to the carbon we continue to pump into our atmosphere. If we listen to Bill McKibben and Do the Math (Rolling Stone article denoting the risk of continuing to add carbon to our air), then we will see that the risk of approving this pipeline crossing, only so they can pump more and more oil out of the ground, is too much.
We also know that this oil is basically going from one country, through our land, only to be exported. We have no gain in this and only risk of losing the cleanliness of our water, the beauty of our environment.
Because we also know that, once the oil does leak, it’s impossible to contain. It’s impossible to clean up the mess. Look at Kalamazoo. Should we blame Enbridge for hiding the fact that they weren’t really cleaning up but covering up? Didn’t they have an impossible task? If you can’t truly clean it up, why not try to cover it up instead? It’s more cost effective. Have we incorporated this deceit into the report? Or are we turning a blind eye, pretending they didn’t really do that?
So, to be truly complete, this study needs to consider that we need LESS carbon in our air. We need to KEEP IT IN THE GROUND.
I don’t know that we can stop the powers that be. The big corporation that wants to make money from selling oil, no matter how cheap it gets, making those profits smaller and smaller. The thirst of the world, with America being a huge portion of the problem, for oil. The addiction we have to a fuel that makes everything so much easier.
But this is my small attempt to give voice to Mother Earth. To stand for the Water. To stand for the People whose land will be destroyed if we continue this madness.
I am hopeful that we are truly considering, in their full impact, the above concerns as the decision is made on whether this pipeline crossing is approved.

(One typo fixed from addition to addiction.)

I encourage you to also post a comment should you feel so drawn.  You can do so here: https://www.regulations.gov/document?D=DOS-2017-0009-0001  I plan to read more deeply into the SEIS and post further comment as is necessary.

BTW, here’s some totally unrelated but really good news of people power.  http://www.yesmagazine.org/peace-justice/defunding-police-how-antiracist-organizers-got-seattle-to-listen-20170309?utm_source=YTW&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=20170310